"There is no spoon..."

There is also no empty bedroom closet. There is no large box you are not ever allowed to scratch EVER DO YOU HEAR ME where the table and chairs used to be. There are no walls without pictures. There is no ginormous pile of crap for the Salvation Army. There is no pile of flattened empty boxes you are not ever allowed to scratch EVER DO YOU HEAR ME NOW CUT IT OUT. There is no bookshelf without books, there are no Buffy DVDs in hiding, there are no balcony plants that have gone m.i.a., there are no strangers constantly freecycling in the apartment.

This is what I keep telling Her Majesty to try to get her to shut the fuck up already.

Yes, things are in disarray. No, I'm not comfortable either. Now shut the fuck up already. This time next week you'll be even more miserable. Enjoy your carpet and your corduroy chair and your broken water filtration system that just spits unfiltered water every hour or so in your general direction while you have them, already.

Maybe I should just show her this instead. A little Uri Geller never hurt anyone, furry or otherwise.