I tried really hard to make this a pre-Friday five of SF Gate Dishing.

First I read this and laughed:
In response to the allegations [of Charlie Sheen being accused of spending a monumental amount of money on an escort service], Sheen's publicist Stan Rosenfield tells Page Six, "This is an old, old, old story. But, if you're looking for a really good story, I heard that Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are getting a divorce."

Then I saw these two headlines and laughed:
Remains of Waters' Missing Pig Found;
Black Eyed Peas Reject China Boycott

(Because yes, the image of actual black eyed peas rejecting anything is hilarious. Think about it.)

But that was all. The rest is just drivel and, well... who really cares? Please enjoy the first ever "Wednesday three"... And marvel at the fact that I still know what day it is. Have I mentioned that voluntary unemployment rocks?