Early Friday five.

Much to tell. But too tired to tell it. Let me start with an early Friday five, and a bonus early Friday five, and then I'll tell the rest this weekend.

Ahem.

Five things I would say to almost all the I-5 drivers I encountered this week, in no particular order:

• What part of "slower traffic keep right" are you having trouble with?
• It's called CRUISE CONTROL. Use it. It's your friend, especially on those pesky hills.
• If there are no cars behind me for miles, you really CAN wait another 5 seconds to go around the semi, instead of squeezing yourself into the 20 foot gap between me and the car in front of me and forcing me to end my cruising. (Every time I step on the brake while using MY FRIEND CRUISE CONTROL, God kills a puppy. You know that, right?)
  
• If there are no cars in front of me for miles, you really CAN go around me instead of riding my ass for 5 miles straight. Really. You can.
  
• It's called RAIN. You live in OREGON. 55 mph? COME ON, already.

And the bonus Friday five - which is really a "Friday one" split into five, but who's counting: five signs you know you're in Medford, OR, in no particular order:

• You pass a strip mall, which features
  
• a store called "Good Guys Guns," which is next to
• a liquor store, which is next to
• an "Adult Shop, open 24 hours," which is next to
• the Hometown Buffet.

Ahhh, small towns.