I wish *my* morning DJ would greet me like that.

The Notebook: OK, people who recommended this movie to me, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE... What. The. Hell? I mean, he was great and I even liked her for once, but you really don't know me at all, do you? Sappy story about true love enduring, complete with a happy ending (and no sarcastic wit or rhyming with "peanut" or fancy fencing footwork)? Come ON! Who do you think you're dealing with here?

Lords of Dogtown: completely made up for the aforementioned sap. They did an amazing job learning the moves and (mostly) recreating the story told in Dogtown and Z-Boys. Made me want to learn to skate. Again. Made me sad about Heath Ledger. Again.

Interview: might've had a brilliant ending. I wouldn't know - I couldn't get through the first half hour. It begged to be compared with Before Sunrise/Sunset, but paled horribly. IMHO.

Talk to Me: I hereby pledge to see every single film Don Cheadle ever makes no matter how depressing, odd or both it looks on the surface. I might even see every Tim Meadows film too, just to make sure all my bases are covered. (Sorry, it's just that I couldn't help but see Leon Phelps every time Petey Greene was on screen.) But back to the film - I need to ask my parents what they remember about this guy. Fascinating story... Excellent flick.

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The subject of today's post was brought to you by Talk to Me. Rent the movie to see what I mean. Or, just cheat and read the movie quotes on IMDB. Hearing it firsthand is more fun though.

Spoken like a true aging baby boomer.

Regarding the upcoming election, his ever-increasing prescription costs and a benefit of living in France or Canada:

"I want the government to give me what I need, and I don't want them to give me any crap about it."

Amen, Dad.

Guitar heros.

In case you felt like you'd accomplished something in your 30+ years of life, here's a humbling moment for you...

On the other hand, the guitar and microphone seem to be afterthoughts for this little guy. I have to say, I prefer his version to Sir Paul's though.

Waaaaaah.

It's probably only 80 in my apartment. But still.

And for the record, I do not see a cloud in the sky...

How to win friends and influence people.

Getting four strikes in a row at the company bowling outing yesterday might be a good start.*

They do a lot of mandatory fun activities at my new job. (See above, we also had free lunch yesterday and next week is a social activity just for the people on my floor.) Right now it's great because it's really helping to cement names with faces and figure out what people are all about.

I wonder when the "it's great" part will turn into "oh jesus christ already"...

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* I haven't bowled recently, I haven't bowled regularly since I lived in Golden, CO in college where the only thing TO do was go to the Golden Bowl, and I've never gotten a turkey plus one. I'm chalking it up to the list of "reasons the universe is telling you this was the right thing to do."

Updates.

It's Day Five of the iron supplement/iron-rich food test. The very first day after I changed up my diet a bit and took an iron supplement, I felt a noticeable energy improvement. Instead of needing a four hour nap at 10:30am, I've made it till 11:30pm every day except for yesterday, when I purposely went to bed at 10:30pm in prep for the big first day. And no more pink pee.* Today for hormonal reasons, I'm enjoying comfort food instead of well-planned iron-rich meal but I did take the supplement. One of my new coworkers also recommended B-12 supplements as a cure for similar symptoms. Benefits kick in July 1, so tomorrow at lunch I'm going to find a doctor and see if my current plan is sound and if there's anything else I should be doing...

Thus ends the boring update.

The kinda fun update is that today was Day One of the aforementioned new job. The job for which I have no baggage, no history, no knowledge, just skillz. Mad, mad skillz. I walked out the door this morning feeling much like the day I left for sixth grade, when I transferred to a new "gifted" school to finish out my elementary days. I didn't know a single new person at my new school, I had no idea what was in store for me, and I had to - gasp - ride a BUS.** The first person I met that morning is still my very dear friend after all these years.

(As she tells the story, we were standing in line next to each other the first morning, and we kinda looked at each other, and she said "do you know anyone?" and I said "no, you?" and she said, "no, wanna be friends?" and I shrugged and said, "OK." And the rest is 22 years of mostly ups, a few downs, and lots and lots of memories. Here's hoping this evolves to something along those lines.)

________________
* The "science is cool!" update: for the first two days after taking the supplement, there was pink. It was kinda like when the you were a kid and the dentist gave you those weird pink tablets to chew after you brushed your teeth, to show you what a crappy teeth-brushing job you'd just done. And then on day three there was no pink. My red blood cells' way of saying, "no tartar!"

** My new commute is 4.3 miles and takes about 40 minutes door to Max to door. But it's 100% free so I don't mind the duration. I am thinking more thoughtfully about that bike idea though...

I couldn't let unemployment go without seeing the last Portlandish waterfall I'm aware of:

This one was in the Chinese Garden in the city... a truly remarkable place. I'm considering a membership since it's so close to where I'll be working. If I ever need to chill out after a stressful day, this is the place to do it. A little urban zen, if you will:

And if I ever needed a place to chill out before heading to get hush puppies, only to find that the restaurant is closed (don't Portland people EAT on Mondays for pete's shakes?!), this was the place to do it.

But all was not lost - I caught Mt. Hood looming over the highway on the walk to the restaurant:

So instead of hush puppies I stopped by Fred Meyer for ice cream. On a whim I picked up Stephen Colbert's flavor, and despite my hesitations (fudge covered waffle cone pieces?!) it's actually not bad. The vanilla ice cream is not too sweet and the chewy candy centers are just fudgy and caramely enough.

Tomorrow I hang up the ponytail holder and sweats in favor of working stiff clothes, and rejoin 94.5% of America in the daily grind.

Meh. I need more urban zen... and more ice cream.

"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."

I believed, George. Thanks and so long.

I Love the 80's Strikes Back.

I was about to post a rant about an old friend from high school (who does not read this) who is dating a girl ten years his junior, and who tends to always date girls ten years his junior.

But then I realized that, um, at least he's dating someone.

So I decided to shut my trap and go back to Martha Stewarting some handmade cards while I wait to see who screws up next on Next Food Network Star.

Sigh.

"JET-SONNN!"

I was reading through my "intro" packet for my new job, and I came across the holiday schedule for 2008/2009. It listed January 1, 2010 in the 2009 holiday schedule.

(That's not my gripe - to me, it makes perfect sense for them to list it there. My gripe is that...)

HOLY HELL it's almost 2010. I actually did a double take when I saw that. Aren't we all supposed to be flying around in hovercrafts by then? Or wait, is it living underground? Or on Mars? I can never remember.

Maybe I should rent 2010 to see what's coming. First, though, maybe I should rent 2001 to see what I missed...

"They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself."

(As seen on dirt road yesterday while in search of hiking trail.)

Public TMI service announcement.

(OK, this is probably WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION but I thought it was important enough to share, given the scare when I woke up this morning, and several other mornings over the past months. So if this post calms just one person, it's worth knowing I posted about my pee.)

You may recall that I've taken to eating beets lately as part of my newfound cooking habit. Beet salads, beet and goat cheese sandwiches, and last night, just a bowl of roasted beets with candied walnuts and goat cheese. I upped my beet intake partly because I love the smell of roasting beets, partly because I like how they taste and partly because I know they are really good for you. (OK... and partly because it gave me an excuse to eat candied walnuts and goat cheese.)

While I was tossing and turning this morning after seeing shocking pink, as opposed to a very faint pink on previous mornings which caused mild concern until I forgot about it 5 minutes later (I've never been much of a hypochondriac, or one to pay attention to any alarming symptoms, for that matter), it finally dawned on me that it probably had something to do with my dinner last night. Beets stain everything they touch, why wouldn't they turn pee a different color? Turns out, they do.

Isn't science cool?

You may also recall that I've been pretty tired lately, and had attributed it to a combo of fresh air, more exercise and better nutrition (the latter of which made sense at the time for some unknown reason). Apparently, even though beets contain iron, if they turn your pee pink it means you're lacking iron, and iron deficiency makes you tired. I've always been slightly iron deficient because of the lack of red meat in my diet but never noticed this level of fatigue before. (Does wine contain iron? What about pizza? That was pretty much my diet before I moved.)

So today I'm going to buy some iron supplements, eat at least one meal per day that involves beans and/or spinach coupled with something high in Vitamin C for a week, then do another beet pee and energy level test.

Isn't science fun?

________________
There is conflicting information on the Interweb about soy as a good source of iron versus it being an iron-absorbing inhibitor, same for spinach actually, but it looks like wine=bad but pizza=good on the iron scale. I've found nothing either way on beer - and of course I will confirm all this with my new doctor when I start working, but in the meantime my dinner plans tomorrow night (Sparky's pizza and a fine porter) should be A-OK. :)

Early Friday five.

There were five color-related quizzes on the home page of this web site today, so naturally I thought - hey! It's Wednesday!

Results below. Absolutely true stuff in green, somewhat true/somewhat false stuff in purple. Completely false stuff in blue. [Editorial in brackets.]

1. Your Mind is Green
Of all the mind types, yours has the most balance. [Um... define "balance"?] You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver. You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

2. Your Aura is Blue
Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people. Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor.

3. Your Power Color Is Lime Green
At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

4. You Need Some Green in Your Life
Green will make you feel alive, renewed, and balanced. And with a little green, you will project an aura of peacefulness and harmony. [I thought I was already balanced!! I'm so confused.] If you want stability, you've got to get a little green in your life! [Hmmm...] For extra punch: Combine green with blue or purple. [Check!*] The downside of green: It can promote jealousy in yourself or others. [Quiz, meet Adam. Adam, quiz.] The consequences of more green in your life: You will be drawn to a new life path. You will feel free to pursue new ideas and interests, no matter how strange. You will be released from the demands and concerns of others. [File under: THERE.]

5. Your Heart Is Green
Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. [Quiz, meet David. David, quiz.] Your flirting style: Laid back. Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking. Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm. What you bring to relationships: Balance. [Oh, for pete SHAKES already.]

To sum up - it's not easy being green. Or balancing on one of those freaky exercise balls, for that matter.

So what color(s) are you?

________________
* OK, I promise I'm not making this up... I cut and pasted all this text without reading it first, and chose the colors based on what would show up and not look awful against the background... and the colors I chose just happened to be green, blue and purple. Spooooooooky.

Now, where was I...?

Between Facebooking, IMing, Yelping and GoogleReading, I haven't had much time to put together a lengthy coherent thought about anything remotely important. Brain waves have varied between blurbing about what I "is" at the moment, composing three word updates on IM, briefly rambling about what I ate and why it [sucked/rocked], and glancing momentarily at the latest fugs or prison breaks.

This makes me sad. It's not that I don't enjoy the snippets, but it just adds to my suspicion that peoples' attention spans and patience levels are NOT being helped by all this frivolous technology. Yes, it might let me see pictures of a long lost high school friend's four kids, or spare me a bad meal, or save me a millisecond by clicking a button instead of going to a bookmark and scrolling down, but thanks to technology I'm starting to expect immediate gratification in other areas of life.

Like at the grocery store. I used to be fine with lines at the grocery store. It gave me time to peruse those magazines I would never, ever purchase. Nowadays I look for the shortest line, and keep an eye on the other lines, and get anxious when the person in front of me won't put the little divider thingie behind their stuff so I can start loading my stuff, because DON'T YOU KNOW? I have to get home to find out what so-and-so scored on Scramble.

OK, it's really not that bad. I do regret that all these distractions take my attention from more important things like having meaningful conversations with friends, crafting reasonably intelligent blog posts (but then again, when did I ever do that?), playing with the cat or watching sixteen consecutive episodes of The Wire.

Honestly, my biggest fear is that all this mindnumbing technology is creating a generation of young whippersnappers with no attention spans whatsoever... Hey, look, a penny!

By the way - did you catch this guy on the Colbert Report last night? I've gotta read this book.

And on a related note: Robots to become human-to-human relationship savers.

"Certainly there will be some existing human-human relationships where one partner might say to the other partner: 'if you have sex with a robot I'm leaving you'.

"There will be others who say: 'when you go on your business trip please take your robot because I happen to worry about the red light district'."

Seems Lars was a bit before his time, but Warren was pretty much right on. More on robot love here.

DON'T. CALL. ME. JENNY. (Gaaaar.)

Unless it's preceded by "Mad" and followed by "Bonney." Because, you see, my pirate name is Mad Jenny Bonney... Every pirate is a little bit crazy. Me, though, I'm more than just a little bit. I can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.

"It sounds like it's easy and for some reason it's not."

(On becoming an adult. How true.)

If you're ever in the mood for a funny, charming, sweet, "how the world SHOULD be" hour and a half, I urge you - yes, URGE you - to check out Lars and the Real Girl.

It is as much "just" about a guy who buys a sex doll, as Into the Wild is "just" about a guy who goes hiking, or Hair is "just" about some crazy hippies. I laughed, and yes, I cried. About a guy who buys a sex doll. Who knew.

At the very, very end of the movie I had a sudden suspicion that he'd done it all on purpose. But I realized that would've defeated the entire premise. So instead of taking my pessimism out on the movie I opted to change my already-last-minute plans to go see a couple of bands, and instead stay inside and avoid humanity in a blatant rebellion against the whole point of the film.

Now moving The Notebook to the top of my queue, and giving Fracture another shot... I've decided that JT's former roommate needs all of my attention from here on out. I mean really, how often do I URGE you to do something? Get on it!

I wish...

... that someone would give Chris Martin his kingdom back, and that maybe that same person would spend some time with Ben Gibbard, so that the radio stations could play two different songs for a little while.

... that I had half as much energy for this contract work as I do for putzing around on the Interweb or watching hours and hours of The Wire.

... that I could honestly rave about the new Weezer album. Save your cash and hit this instead. It's the best song on the album anyway.

... that Her Majesty would grasp the Pavlov concept and whine for her food AFTER my alarm goes off in the morning, instead of consistently whining 25 minutes BEFORE it goes off for the past two weeks. (How does she know?!)

Where's Westley when you need him?

Friday five.

Of the 82 photos I took today, five of my favorites, in no particular order... First, Lancaster Falls:

I like how you can see the individual blades of grass and clear outlines of the rocks, yet the water is moving too fast for any kind of focus. Lancaster Falls is one of the least-visited waterfalls according to the hiking book guy. To get to it, you have to:

1. guess that by exit 54 he actually means exit 55
2. guess that the gravel path from the parking lot that follows alongside the exit ramp is actually the trail
   
3. (the full trail name of which is called Mount Defiance, by the way, so I guess first of all you need to be willing to walk up a trail called Mount Defiance)
4. walk right next to the freeway for about half a mile
5. wander aimlessly down a fairly boring path for another half mile until you reach Hole in the Wall Falls
6. go up a steep hill
   
7. cross the creek and get soaked by a cascade of water
   
8. look up to realize that the cascade of water is actually Lancaster Falls and that Lancaster Falls is actually an impressive waterfall that goes far up the mountain
   

Gosh, I can't imagine why it's the least-visited... I'm so glad I crossed and looked up though, because this was the very last waterfall I was to see, and I was getting tired and cranky, and if it had just been a cascade of water I would've had to come home and write a nasty letter to the hiking book guy. I tried to get the full effect in the picture but I couldn't do so without falling off the cliff. Trust me though, it's impressive. (Bonus: I got the schplurgh from last week's hike off my boots in the creek!)

This is Rodney Falls at Beacon Rock, Washington:

Well, part of it anyway - again, I couldn't get the whole shot in the lens. At the top of Rodney Falls is Pool of the Winds, where the waterfall has carved out quite a chasm in the rocks. More photos in the link below. But I stood in this one spot for about 20 minutes just watching all the various nuances of waterfalls coming down. Rodney Falls goes in my "top five" list of waterfalls, for sure.

Next up... Look:


Green! And blue! And clouds! I love clouds.

Next up is Ecola Falls. To get to Ecola Falls, you hike to the top of Multnomah Falls...

[Digression: If any of you come to visit, I will surely drive you to Multnomah Falls. I will wait in the car while you go up to take a picture. I'll even wait while you hike up to the lookout point if you so choose. But I am never, ever setting foot amidst all those tourists again. Unless you decide to trek out to Ecola Falls, at which point I hereby retract this statement. End of digression.]

... behind nineteen thousand tourists who have no trail etiquette, and a million kids who don't know that throwing trash into the bushes is not a good thing to do, and fifteen zillion dogs, and take a left when everyone else takes a right. First you pass a cute little punchbowl waterfall (Wisendanger Falls - there's nothing actually dangerous about it but it might make you smarter if you sit and watch it long enough). Then you round a corner and if you're lucky, the sun will be out and the rays will catch the mist and you'll get a shot sorta like this:


And finally, documented evidence that the sky is not always the same color as the Columbia River:


... just most of the time.

And so eleven waterfalls, eight hours, five hikes, two states, one hefty contribution to the hip replacement fund and a partridge in a pear tree later, I have officially seen every waterfall the guy mentions in my Columbia River Gorge hiking book. All that's left to do is un-earmark those hikes, earmark some waterfall-less trail hikes for the fall, and crack open that Portland Hills book to map out my summer exploration...

But first, a nap.

More photos here. Don't worry, I only uploaded 45 of the 82. (People! Eleven waterfalls, OK?!)

Jen(n) versus the volcanoes.

I have a short list of final things I want to do before the job starts. Yesterday I left at 8:30am headed for #1, Mount Tabor. The views were pretty, the park was lovely and the fact that I was standing on/near an extinct volcano was cool (but a bit unnerving). On the way home I planned the errands I was going to take care of that afternoon, but then I saw a sign pointing to Laurelhurst Park, and thought, "OK!" So I cut left and took an hour-long detour through one of the most beautiful neighborhood parks I have ever seen.

I got home at 1:30pm, and after 5 hours constantly moving in my Chucks my feet were not happy with me. One of the errands I planned that afternoon was a trip to the local outlet stores to look for better (but stylish!) walking shoes. On the way to the outlet I saw a sign pointing to Mt. Hood (#5 on the list) and thought, "OK!" So I bought shoes and took another 2.5 hour detour.


The snow is still pretty deep, hence the date on the picture (to prove it to the folks who are melting over on the right coast). But what a gorgeous mountain.

Today I planned to get some work done but spring fever has finally hit, so I'm going to attempt #3 on the list - see as many of the remaining waterfalls in the Gorge as possible. Maybe someday I'll actually get to the errands, the main one of which is grocery shopping. In the meantime I'll take coffee with no milk and pb&js every single day if it means I get to take pretty pictures like these...

Just past Wednesday three.

Three reasons I am lame, in no particular order:

• I think the only reason I might buy a bike is to ride it to the gym, which is about 12 blocks away.
• If only I'd realized I could use the keyboard instead of/in addition to the mouse for that stupid Scramble game, I would've had a much higher score all along.
• Instead of going to a CD release party for Perhapst last night, I opted to stay in and read books about Access databases.

In all fairness on the last one, I offer several points. One, it was really cold yesterday. OK... that's lame itself, especially since the venue was pretty close to my place. Ahem. I'm already going to one show solo later this week, the thought of two in one week made me tired? I'm getting paid to do the database so it was in my financial best interest? I'm trying to maintain my get-up-early routine so that when I start my job my sleep schedule isn't all whacked out?

No? OK, then I think this explanation pretty much sums it up. And I'm going to stop apologizing to myself now. It's not like Colin Meloy or Stephen Malkmus were going to be there or anything.

Your Result: Social Nerd.

"You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around."

What Be Your Nerd Type?

Public service announcement.

The theme song from the second season of The Wire isn't as good as the first season's theme song. But the second season rocks so far.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled day.

I wouldn't say it's WHY I joined, exactly...

I will walk, stand, drive, do just about anything when it's cold and/or rainy outside. But I finally got tired of running in the cold and rain. Hats/raingear/windgear and running do not mix well, at least for me. Plus I want to work on strength exercises (cult, here I come!)... So after complementarily* trying it out for a week, I broke down and joined the local gym.

My new gym? It has A BAR.

I love my new gym.

________________
* That SHOULD be a word. I am so sick of computers telling me that words are not actually words. Meh.**

** Grrrr...

And now for something not at all completely different...

You are Superman. You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Runners up: Robin, Hulk, Iron Man

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Waiting for the great leap forward.

I know he's not actually writing them - or maybe he is, but if so he's certainly not sending them. It's still a little unnerving to see "Barack Obama" in the "from" column in my email though. {Insert image of Obama sitting down at his MacBook, opening Gmail, clicking "compose" and entering my name in the "to" line. Haha.}

Last night I sat 75 feet from a brilliant musician who has been a huge influence on grassroots political movements worldwide for the past 30 years. (No, not Bono. This was better than Bono for me. Sorry, Con.) He spoke of the optimism he has for the upcoming election and the change for the leaders of the western world to do something right for a change. There was no misinterpreting the double meaning to his words - do something right for a change, and do something right - for a change.

Then he played a bunch of awesome songs intermixed with hilarious or poignant or interesting stories of tours or politics or Woodie Guthrie's obsession with Ingrid Bergman, with the occasional jab at the younger crowd ("one day you will all get sick of us geezers going on and on about how f'ing great the Clash was") or the older crowd (noting that half the crowd - the "his generation" half - didn't laugh when he playfully riffed a few lines from a White Stripes song).

And here's where I get all high and mighty for a moment: I paid $10 for "standing room only" to the show (I sat the whole time so not sure what that was about). I think others who bought tickets in advance paid a little more than that. In all there were maybe 500 people in the audience, probably less, and this man spent 3 hours with that teeny crowd who paid a teeny bit of money and put on one hell of a show. Let's see Bono do that. End of HAM moment.

Anyway, near the end he talked about how cynicism is killing the world, and how musicians/artists can't fix things but the audience can be the vehicle for change and spreading the message even wider, and I'm just going to butcher his sentiments but essentially this man who has spent 30 years fighting the good fight basically said "I can't do this - I can plant the seed, but this is your responsibility."

I left happy but wondering what else I could be doing... What else I should be doing. I recycle, I vote, I support various causes financially. Is having 38 leaves on the "I am green" Facebook application worth anything? What about the Obama sign on my window facing the parking lot of the building across the way? The money I give, the volunteer time I spend, the jobs I've had that have a people/better world focus - does it in any way make up for the people who don't do anything, ever? Can't I leave the actual activism for people with the energy to do that, and feel like I'm doing enough with what I'm currently doing? I mean, if everyone in the world was an actual activist, can you imagine how crazy (or how boring) life would be?

I thought about it in a business context today, with the whole "needing all kinds of people to make a successful team" concept, and that helped to lessen the guilt a little bit. So yes, those folks can do the day-to-day and I will support them wholeheartedly, with my money or my referrals or my envelope-stuffing skills or my organizational namedropping in social settings or whatever helps the cause.

I'm a terrible salesperson anyway. This is all for the best.

It's like dancing, only more fun, and you get to hit stuff!

This morning I tried out a boxing class at the gym I'm probably going to join.

It. Was. AWESOME.

Well, the part where we had to put our feet on balance balls and do push ups wasn't so awesome, but anything I can do to build my core for running is a good thing. And the jump rope cardio was interesting... I don't think I've jumped rope since 5th grade. Turns out it's kinda like riding a bike though. (A bike where you have to coordinate between your feet and your hands and your brain, and jump a lot.)

But the part where we got to hit stuff? AWESOME. Even more awesome was picturing George Bush's face on the punching bag and totally wailing on it.

I think I'm hooked. Next step: master this. Anything with the warning, "never use it unless your life is in imminent danger - if you land it correctly without gloves, your opponent will wind up in the hospital more often than not" is too enticing not to try to learn.

I'm not a violent person. I'm not. You just never know when it might come in handy, especially now that my current neighborhood had as many violent crimes in an entire year as my neighborhood in Oakland had in just a month.

Oh, and also? Picturing George Bush's face on the punching bag? AWESOME.

17% of Clinton's supporters say they would vote for McCain, another 22% say they won't vote at all...?!?!

I'm sure she won't sleep well tonight. I'm sure she's devastated. I know her supporters are, I saw lots of them crying on CNN today. But after all the bad things I've said about her these past 16 months, I give her total and utter credit for paving the way for the next woman president. (Anyone know the stats on how many presidential candidates conceded, then ran the next term and went on to win? She's certainly got it in her.)

My fear is that her speech tomorrow will be like all her other speeches - still dividing her own party instead of rallying against the other party like Obama chose to finally do. This is her (last?) chance to step it up and get her supporters on board with the cause, not the candidate. Lives and dollars and the melting ice caps are at stake, for Pete's sake.

Fingers crossed.

Oh, and the idea of an Obama/Clinton campaign makes me laugh. If he concedes to that I might have to throw in the towel and move another 315 miles north once and for all...

And the hits just keep on comin'.

I accepted a job offer today.

Wait, let me back up. I think I've mentioned the interviews here or elsewhere online. I may not have mentioned the great vibe I got about the company overall and from the people I'd be working with. I also may not have mentioned the return to data wrangling and the significant decrease in responsibility (both of which are exactly what I was looking for in my next job) coupled with the not-insignificant decrease in pay (which I was expecting with said decrease in responsibility).

Anyway, everything went well and my future boss called today to offer me the position. And I totally freaked out. I'd done the math numerous times and it always worked out just fine - I could enjoy the same 401K contribution, same savings contribution, half the rent cost of Oakland, approximately 4 miles of driving per week (and therefore less gas $$), etc. I asked her if I could have the weekend to think it over, and she said sure.

So I did the math again numerous times. With various permeations including increases in "fun money" expenditures and higher allotments for birthday presents and all sorts of variances.

And it worked out fine again and again. So I called her back and formally accepted. And then I walked out the door to head to the grocery store and realized I'd locked my keys in my apartment.

CRAP! I kept apartment keys on one side of this removable chain I picked up a while ago, and the car key on the other side, to minimize the number of keys I had to carry while running - because, you know, that car key was just WEIGHING ME DOWN, MAN - and when I got back today I forgot to reattach the two sides. So all I had in my hand was my car key...

There's no on site manager in this building, so I had to call the property management company knowing that they would charge me $40 for the service call. While I was in the hall cursing myself for thinking that removable key chain was a good idea, I heard voices from the laundry room next door that sounded like they were doing maintenance work. So I ventured over and said, "you guys don't happen to have keys for the units, do you?" One guy nodded, went back and got his spares and opened my door. He shrugged off my "do I owe you anything" question, and the other guy replied, "you got really lucky, that would've cost you $40."

Don't I know it, brother. Don't I know it. And now I'm booking a flight to Vegas because this Midas touch has gotta be good for something other than saving my own ass or getting me uneventfully to a new town...

________________
My third day here, I locked my keys in my trunk. Fortunately I still had AAA, and fortunately I was at Ikea at the time, so I shopped while I waited and the guy got to my car in record time. But I really don't need a "third time's a charm" test on the missing key situation, so tomorrow I'm going to Home Depot and getting three copies of all my keys to leave in the car, at the new office, OH AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS STUPID REMOVABLE KEY CHAIN.

Belated Wednesday three.

Three movies I saw recently and my opinion of them, in no particular order:

• This So-Called Disaster: an interesting view into how directors craft their plays. I did sets for theater in high school so this was interesting to me. Might not be so interesting for you.
  
• Paper Cut: I have got to get rid of all these crappy quarterlife indie flicks in my queue. Not sure what I was thinking. They're always billed as comedies and they are soooo not funny ha ha (see previously reviewed crappy quarterlife indie flick).
  
• Dogtown and Z-Boys: I could watch skateboarders for days and never get bored. Occasionally I'll even think, I should try that, it would be so cool to be able to skate. Then someone falls on their face and I let the thought go. Anyway, this was a brilliant documentary. The dumbfounded looks on the traditional skaters' faces when the Zephyr crew shows up for their first competition = priceless. Bonus points to Stacy Peralta for featuring more of Henry Rollins than Tony Hawk (I love Tony but that would've just been cliche). Long live extreme sports!

Can't see the forest for the mud.

When I was four or five years old, I didn't really watch where I was going and I also rarely wore shoes. As a result I was constantly stubbing my toe, or stepping on a bee, or tripping over a sunbeam or some such nonsense. My mom nicknamed me "Grace."

One day my brother and I were at the neighborhood pool with my mom and as usual, I stubbed my toe. But this was no normal "ouch" and move on. This was a bleedy swolleny OWIE that wouldn't stop throbbing. Mom got tired of my whining and told me to stick my foot in the pool and let the chlorine numb the pain. Needless to say, her scheme didn't work, the chlorine pierced my wound like a poison arrow and I screamed bloody murder for about five minutes. From that day forward I kept my head to the ground and watched where I was going. So, I guess THANKS, MOM! is in order?

There is a point to this story.

Yesterday I drove out to the coast for a long hike up Tillamook Head Trail in Ecola State Park. I expected a little mud since it had rained off and on earlier in the week, but I didn't really expect the amount of mud I encountered. For about 80% of the hike I had to keep my eyes glued to the ground to avoid stepping in a mud puddle or twisting my ankle on a muddy rock. I was on a quest for Tillamook Head Viewpoint, but after about three not-entirely-pleasant hours of hiking I gave up, turned around and headed back.

I'm pretty sure I passed right by it on the way out. I'm pretty sure this was it:


I only noticed the "bench" on the way back.

Don't get me wrong. The forest was gorgeous. The views of the ocean along the way were spectacular. I had plenty of sustenance to keep my energy up. I just got tired of hearing, seeing and feeling mud. At some point on the way back I stopped caring about where I stepped and just let my feet go where they may - mud puddle or not. And finally, I was able to stop and enjoy the scenery.

The forest was full of fallen trees and new growth trees. These fallen trees reminded me of the Bay Bridge, as seen from the Oakland side:


There were also funny shaped trees:


The trees on the left looked like they were young whippersnappers busy voguing and having fun while the old grandfather tree on the right sternly glared with his arms crossed over his chest. (Or perhaps I was just hallucinating out of exhaustion. Do you see it?)

And there were tons of moss covered trees:


After the hike I sat on the beach for about an hour just watching the waves:


And that's when I decided that I needed to own Northern Pacific beach front property before I die.

And I also need to learn to surf. And go to Antarctica. And kayak in Alaska. And do about 96 other things. I came up with at least 30 sitting on this beach yesterday.

But liking shoes was not on the list.

________________
Alternate titles for this post:
- This is a long hike for someone with nothing to think about.
- Schplurgh schplurgh schplurgh schplurgh.
- This is such a long hike I've thought of 187 different ways to spell the sound of mud schplurghing under my feet.

Zen and the art of OMGSTFU already.

I think one of my favorite things in the entire world is when I'm sitting in a beautiful Japanese garden, watching a waterfall, one that looks a little like this, perhaps, and I'm reflecting upon life and enjoying the serenity and patches of sunshine...


... and someone with a voice modulation problem sits down right next to me and starts blathering about how SERENE AND PEACEFUL THIS REALLY IS NOW ISN'T IT I MEAN IT'S REALLY AMAZING I JUST LOVE THE QUIET IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL SO CALM DOESN'T THIS JUST MAKE YOU FEEL SO CALM AND SERENE?

Ahhhh. I can just feel the peace wash over me as I relive that moment.

The koi in the pond were almost as beautiful as some of the greenery. These two kept passing each other (probably out of sheer boredom)...


... but I watched them for about 10 minutes (also probably out of sheer boredom), and eventually I started humming "Strangers in the Night." And then I had to walk away because I kept laughing at myself and people were starting to look at me funny.

I also visited Hoyt Arboretum today, but the sun kept going in and out and most of where I walked was in the shade so I figured pictures wouldn't turn out too well. But in honor of this "beautiful world of trees for all seasons," I took this photo at the Japanese gardens:


I call it, "One of these things is not like the other."

________________
And now you are humming "Strangers in the Night." My evil plan worked! Mwah hahahaha.

Pre-Wednesday three.

I fell asleep at 9:30pm last night (which meant that I missed the OT goal, which made me really mad when I woke up on the couch at 2am). Recently this has been a pretty common occurrence. (The falling asleep early, not the Stanley Cup playoffs.) Other than a bizarre, undetected, asymptomatic disease lurking somewhere within the depths of my body, there are three possible reasons why I have been so tired lately:

1. Nutrition - instead of salad for lunch every day, pizza four nights a week (homemade - but at that point it doesn't really matter) and eating out the other three nights, I have opted to make food. As in, cook. Last night I actually roasted beets.
   
2. Exercise - unemployment leads to free time which leads to exercise for me. I've been truly enjoying my daily 3-4 mile run up in the hills near my apartment. The houses are extraordinary, the lawns are perfectly manicured, and there are rarely any people out and about so I can stare all I want. And on days I don't run, instead I hike or walk all over town.
   
3. Oxygen - the air is cleaner up here. I don't mean to keep rubbing it in - yeah we're all environmental, nyeah nyeah - but really, the air is just cleaner.
   

I suspect it's a combination of all three. So today I decided to change it up a little. I'm going to swap out water for juice at least once a day to up my sugar/electrolyte intake. I'm going to eat more carbs, at least while I'm exercising daily. And I'm going to keep up with the daily exercise, but I'm going to make sure I don't run two days in a row and/or more than four times a week.

Maybe someday soon I'll be less tired AND my work clothes will fit again! (Did I forget to mention that I've dropped a size since I've been here eating right and exercising? I know, I KNOW - bring on the mini violins, woe is me, etc.)

I started this plan with a beer and fish & chips at Rogue Brewery, so I think I'm off to a pretty good start...

Public service announcement.

MTV is good for 1.5 things these days. The "1" is their movie awards. Totally loose, random presenters, excellent performances, the absolute antithesis of the Oscars. And you just don't care who wins.

The ".5" is their obsession with Usher. Damn, that man is fine.