The Alien Hand Syndrome defense.

The birthday presents just keep a'comin'. Today I got lunch and flowers from some friends, plus brownies from another friend (not THOSE kind of brownies, sadly, but they were good), and two books:

1,000 Places to See Before You Die, which I have been coveting but have not yet bought for myself, and which I will - of course - use in conjunction with The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have.*

After all, how else am I going to see all these places, if I don't have a million diagnoses to call in sick with? "I don't care WHAT you've heard - I'm really not on my way to the Winter Alpine Balloon Festival. The HONEST TO GOD reason I can't come to work is because I have toxic epidermal necrolysis. Do you want to see that? I DON'T THINK SO. Sheesh."

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* The funniest part (to me, anyway) is that I coincidentally got these two books on the same day from two different friends who don't know each other. I couldn't plan a better punchline than that.