Link-o-mania.

I am officially calling it a day on the magic book goal.

Turns out I have covered almost all the topics in the book. Some have been covered in my recent marathon to finish this ridiculous goal. Others were covered in the 16 months after I bought the book. Some were even covered before I bought the book. Like the time I explained my scars, or that other time when I interviewed someone I admired (okay, technically I didn't interview him, but it's worth reminding you about), or all those times I showed some family pride.

So what's left? Well, a bunch of them are kind of redundant. For example, sharing expertise is pretty similar to the "ten universal truths" idea which is pretty similar to Idea #5 that I just wrote about. So I'll pass.

Some are obvious. How to save good ideas? Write them down, silly!

Others are specific to the person writing or reading. For example, my daily coping habit: "now is not a good time to be unemployed," repeat ad nauseum, probably doesn't apply to you. (Perhaps that's a bad example. Let me find another.) My idea of "best of" posts is probably different than your idea of "best of" posts, plus that just seems narcissistic (though I did go through the exercise of reading through old posts and culling favorites, so I might use it for a Friday five at some point).

Still others are snooze worthy. Do you really care about my perfect meal? (More importantly, do I? As long as it comes with a bottle of Suntory Yamazaki 25 year, I'm good.) Do you want to know how I throw a good party? (I think I've thrown two parties in my life and also, um, duh, it's all about whoever you're throwing the party for. Showcase them and all will be golden.)

Otherwise... I don't need to tell you about the causes I support - you already know. I'm not clever enough to think up a spoof, a quiz, a snail mail project, an unnecessary science project, or a community web project or community art project that requires your participation.

I have no interest in reading through old journal entries and emails to post something cringe-worthy; I also haven't gotten any voice mails or texts that you would appreciate (though I've gotten many that I've appreciated). I've "placed" myself on Facebook and Google Earth - no need to do it here too.

I will never write a book so I don't need to write the first paragraph here. And you must be kidding if you think I'm going to try to figure out how to post a video to this blog...

I mean no disrespect to the magic book author with these comments. Surely she never intended her book o'ideas to be employed in such a hardcore manner. All that matters is that it inspired me to write when I didn't have ideas; I probably wrote about things I would've never thought about or been brave enough to write about; and her web site inspires me daily. So thank you, Mighty Girl!

And with that, I officially check this quarterly goal off the list. Hmm. Now what the hell am I going to write about?

Belated Friday five.

Eeking my way through the magic book goal with three days left, I ran across two time-related ideas. The first is five things from this decade (well, I added the "five" part) that I would put in a time capsule, if I were to make a time capsule, in no particular order:

• the Euro
  
• emo fashion
  
• the Lord of the Rings movies (followed closely by all the Harry Potter books)
  
• a Prius
  
• Wii
  

It was really hard to narrow that down to five. I tried to pick things that will likely be obsolete - or really, really cheap and therefore worthless - in ten years. (I suspect people will remember that "back in my day, gas was almost $5 a gallon, Antarctica was melting and no one cared, and we had a monkey for a president!" for years and years and years to come though.)

The second requires that I call upon my memory to document "where I was when...", so here are the more interesting ones:

• I was in 6th grade touring the White House when the Challenger exploded. My science teacher was chaperoning the tour. When we got back to my elementary school my science teacher herded us into the library to watch the news on TV. I remember her crying. I think I remember this because on any other usual day she was a total bitch, and this made her very human.
  
• I was in 11th grade Latin class when I heard that Magic Johnson announced he was HIV positive. My (absurdly insane but totally cool) Latin teacher suspended lesson plans for a few days to demystify HIV, AIDS, homosexuality, bigotry and safe sex for us. I learned more from her in those few days than I ever learned from any sex education class. (I can't say the Latin helped me in any aspect of my life, though.)
  
• I had been in Oakland for two years when the Columbine tragedy hit. But probably more interesting is that I worked with a couple of Columbine High School students the semester I lived in Colorado back in 1996. Littleton, Blacksburg... you've got to be careful in those small towns. Pay attention to the youth. Make sure they are engaged in society and have no access to deadly firearms.
  
• Bush declared war on Iraq the day I crossed the international date line on my way to Sydney, so technically that day did not exist for me. I wish I could say I've been living in a parallel war-free, death-free, debt-free universe ever since, but alas.
• I'm saving #5 for November 4th - either the day our country elects our first African-American president, or the day I finally decide once and for all to move to Canada. Either way I'll probably be in my Portland apartment when the verdict drops.

Here a their, there a they're... everywhere a your you're.

Look - I found my peeps! And my calling!

(As an aside, I am so proud of all my "public education failed us" Prince George's County classmates who scored 100% on the "they're their there" Facebook test. Even if it was a stupidly easy test.)

You have GOT to be kidding me.

You Should Live in Alaska

What State Should You Live In?

(Oregon was runner-up #5. At least there's that.)

For the record, I am also a whole wheat bagel, Cookie Monster, 40% pirate, Buffy, fall, France, fraud, Sneaky Twinkletoes, a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup...

... fairly impressed with how spot-on some of these silly quizzes are...

... and oh so happy that this is how I'm spending my Saturday night. Seriously. Low key, no obligations, pizza dough rising, wine poured, cat sleeping... If I make it through SNL's debate spoof tonight, this might actually qualify as one of the best Saturday nights ever.

I'd rather have Men at Work's "Business As Usual."

I'm less than pleased with this whole WaMu buyout. Chase is the only bank that's ever screwed me over on a credit card (multiple times, and I ended up canceling it). I suppose I should be happy I still have money, and they say nothing will change as far as handling my money (which has been pretty true of all the other bank mergers/buyouts I've experienced), but still.

This morning I was paying some bills and right after I signed in I got this screen:

Is "no thanks, not right now" really an option? COOL!

"My boy says he can eat fifty eggs, he can eat fifty eggs."

RIP Mr. Newman.

Idea #5: be a sage.

This idea involves sharing opinions I've heard over the years that I've either followed or blatantly ignored.

The only thing I can recall that I've really, honestly, blatantly ignored was the advice I got from my aunt during my senior year of high school: "You should be an orthopedic surgeon. They make lots of money."

Riiiiight.

Advice I've taken to heart over the years:

• Save for retirement early and often.
  
• Yellow foods (bananas, squash, etc) are really good cures for hangovers.
• Shyness is nice but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to.
• Don't spend it if you don't have it to spend.
• Back up back up back up back up.
  
• If you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise.
• The new Battlestar Gallactica is a really good show.
• Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.
• Pay it forward.
• Everything in moderation. Including moderation, sometimes.
• There's nothing out there you can't do. (Even Santa Claus believes in you.)
• Forgive... but don't necessarily forget.

Pretty telling that almost half of those are infotainment-based... Anyone want to add anything?

I'm a PC...

... and this is HILARIOUS.

Idea #40: irrational fears.

I have a lot of rational fears, mostly politically-related with a few tangible ones. But I don't have a lot of irrational fears. I can only think of two, actually...

One is sidewalk grates. I know they wouldn't install them if there was even the slightest risk of someone falling through, but I cannot bring myself to walk across a sidewalk grate no matter how hard I try. Grates do not belong in the SIDEWALK. (There are also the fears of getting heels stuck in the grates or creepy men looking up your skirt from under the sidewalk, but my fear just has to do with falling through. I have no other fears of falling or heights. Go figure.)

The other is busted balloons, especially if they are located near sewers. When I was too young to be reading such a thing, I read "It" one weekend. Have you read "It"? It's a big freakin' book, especially to someone not old enough to be reading such a thing. A big freakin' FREAKY book. It freaked me out so much that after getting halfway through it the first night and finding a reasonable stopping point (by reasonable I mean "no one has died in the last five pages, maybe I should stop for now"), I plowed through the whole second half the following night. I think I slept three hours over those few days of reading the book, and not much more in the weeks that followed.

Anyway. You may or may not know that the story involves a scary clown, balloons and sewers, among other things. The Monday after I stayed up all weekend reading that creepy book I was walking to school and passed a sewer drain on the corner of my street. And yes, there was a busted red balloon right there at the mouth of the sewer drain.

My heart actually stopped for a moment.

To this day I still think of that when I see a popped balloon on the side of the road, and usually when I walk past that sewer drain when I'm home. Say what you will about Stephen King, past present or future, but in my... um, book, haha, he goes down as one of the best storytellers in American history. Anytime I see a used copy of a book I haven't read yet, I buy it and end up thoroughly enjoying it - even the sci-fi stuff, which I normally can't get interested in unless "FRAK!" or Nathan Fillion is involved. I just wish he would stop writing those awful columns for Entertainment Weekly.

Come to think of it, because of King I may have a third irrational fear: Derry, Maine.

Ironically, though, I have no fear of clowns other than maybe the freaky Cirque du Soleil clown. (Annoyance from clowns, on the other hand...)

"Are you kidding?"

I know I have said this countless times in as many settings, but today was the most redonkulous day I have ever had. In my eleven years of corporate life, hands down the most redonkulous.

If I explained, you wouldn't believe me - so I won't bother. I didn't even believe it myself at first. Suffice to say that everything interesting happened within the first 45 minutes, which meant my tolerance was completely wiped out by 9:15am, but the redonkulous didn't end there. Oh no. It lasted until 4:30pm. So to keep my sanity, for the rest of my day I pretended I was Dr. Horrible. Witness:

"With my freeze ray I will stop the pain."

"All that matters, taking matters into your own hands."

"Balls!"

"Any dolt with half a brain can see that humankind has gone insane."

"Why can't they see what I see? Why can't they hear the lies?"

And of course, my favorite:

"WHAT-EV-ER."

It kept me amused until I got on the MAX this evening, still listening to the soundtrack on repeat, and a homeless man with an open can of beer in his back pocket wandered up the aisle asking for change just as Nathan Fillion started to sing "Everyone's a Hero"... and suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore.

Note to self: delete that song from iPod. Immediately.

But then I went to the gym, and during my six-mile jaunt I saw Bush's speech:

"Now the nightmare's real! Now Dr. Horrible is here! To make you quake with fear, to make the whole world kneel!"

... and suddenly didn't want to be Dr. Horrible anymore. And then I saw Clinton's Larry King interview:

"So please give me a sec to catch my breath."

And then I saw Obama's reaction to McCain wanting to postpone the debate:

"This is his dry cleaning bill - four sweater vests!"

And all was right with my world again.

Idea #34: give a tour.

I am plotting my course for a weekend getaway to Oaktown in November and realizing just how short 72 hours really is. Maybe I shouldn't sleep? At any rate, if you long-distance readers (do I even have any long-distance readers?) ever find yourself with just 72 hours in Oaktown, here is what I would recommend, some of which is coincidentally probably what I will be doing.

FOOD

• Spettro. Spettro Spettro Spettro. People. I cannot emphasize this enough. Casual friendly atmosphere, reasonable prices, no corkage fee, free wine while you wait for a table, a lovely walk around the "lake" beckoning after your indulgent meal... Their "booberry" salad is to die for, the potato rosemary rolls have never done me wrong and all the vegetarian options are wonderful. I have been there at least 20 times but have never tried the peanut butter pizza. I think this upcoming trip warrants an experiment (sans bacon, of course)... and definitely a t-shirt.
• Asmara. The veggie combo and injera have filled me up, quite happily, on many an occasion, and for just a few bucks.
• Trattoria la Siciliana. OK, technically this is Berkeley but it's close enough to Oaktown. Really solid, fairly inexpensive Italian food best eaten sitting around a table with ten friends, family style, drinking the house wine. This is where I first tried squid ink and didn't die. This is where I went for my pre-pre-marathon carb load. Cash only and there's always a line - so it helps if you bring your friends who know the owner. ;)
• Barney's. Give me a popeye or sunshine tofu burger and half an order of curly fries and I am a happy, happy girl.
• Cato's. Excellent beer selection, decent pub food (mmmmmm, catatoes...), live music within walking distance of my old abode. I never checked out the music but it was always comforting to know it was there if I wanted it. And there's a new gelato place up the street for a good post-drinking sugar fix.
  

Gasp and swoon, there's no pizza on this list!! Yeah, yeah - go to Zachary's or Little Star or Lanesplitter or Zante. You won't be sorry. But if you want to try some new eats, check out one of the ones above.

ENTERTAINMENT

• The Parkway. My first, and forever my favorite, picture pub pizza joint. Best memory was the Buffy "Once More with Feeling" singalong. Second best memory was Snakes on a Plane. (Thanks for both of those, Connie!) So many other favorite memories... I also got exposed to a wonderful band called Rosin Coven at the Parkway on the same night I got a black construction paper heart which I still have to this day. Hell, even Moulin Rouge was tolerable with beer, couches and pizza. My only regret is not seeing the Rocky Horror Picture Show... hmm, I smell a November plan.
  
• Redwood Regional Park. Wonderful hikes, breathtaking views, and a mere 10 minute drive from my old abode. Now how much would you pay... (Did I mention free admission?)
• The Rose Garden. I was supposed to scatter Riley's ashes here but never did. It's a beautiful rose garden chock full of as many varieties as you could ever imagine that changes drastically by the season. All this was just a 5 minute walk from my old abode. Yeah, I'll be visiting that again.
  
• The Piedmont. Best local indie movie theater in Oakland. I can't even begin to imagine how many hours I spent here.
  
• The Fillmore. OK, technically not Oakland but you're soooooo close to the legendary palace of fine live music. Check it out, already! Worth the price of admission no matter who is playing, and you get an apple afterward.
  

SHOPPING/RELAXATION

• Greetings. Best quirky gift shop. I have probably spent hundreds of dollars here in my ten years in Oakland, and I truly believe I could totally sell my cards to this place, if I were to ever sell my cards.
• Nathan + Co. Also on Piedmont Ave, near the excellent carribean restaurant that didn't make the cut but should have. Second best quirky gift shop. I could totally sell those forest plates I gave someone as a gift to this place, if I were to ever make forest plates. Which I probably won't ever make. So thank goodness for Nathan + Co.
• Piedmont Springs. Best massages ever, even my selective friend thinks so. I've also been waxed here and it was painless and redeeming. I cannot vouch for the hot springs but I hear they are damn fine as well.
• Piedmont Grocery. My favorite non-chain local grocery store. It might not compare to Berkeley Bowl in terms of scale and quantity of product, but the produce is good, the wine guy knows his stuff and the olive bar is amazing.
  
• Amoeba Music. Again, technically not Oakland but you're so damn close. Just go. And then explore the Telegraph street fair. Freaks, geeks and artists will all find something, guaranteed.
  

So there you have it. See, Oakland is really not the scary, Raider loving, gangster prevailing, pepper-spray-requiring town you might have heard about. (Well, parts of it are but this is true of any major metropolitan city. I mean, hello, have you seen The Wire? NO? OMG what is WRONG with you??)

Oakland is a great place to live, and to work, and I miss it quite a bit. I'm curious, what would you locals add as a "must see"?

Free to a good home.

Black cat. Fully vaccinated. Approximately 11 pounds, short hair, greenish yellowish eyes, just over 10 years old. Loud purr. Big ears. Big belly.

Big fucking mouth. Really big.


Likes: long lap stints, canned tuna, laser pointers, crying at 5:45am every morning for expensive wet food and then turning her nose up at it, scratching the hell out of $800 couches, eating plants, incessantly whining, throwing up on just-washed comforters and blankets, scattering litter everywhere after using the box, jumping into the chair the second you get up for a moment, glaring at you while sitting on your lap while you are at the computer, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Dislikes: other cats, ankle biters, being left alone all day.

Inquire within. Seriously. Please??

________________
Believe it or not, this was actually idea #25 in the magic book. (Well, the idea was writing a false advertisement - not encouraging calls from the ASPCA.) On the other hand, you probably won't have any trouble believing that the "likes" pretty much sums up my weekend. If I have to wash that goddamned blanket one more time...

Belated Friday five.

Five anti-Palin things that tempted me today, in no particular order:

• Bush doctrine?
  
• I totally could!!
  
• if only they'd put Alice Paul instead of Jesus
• could be the next Revlon ad
• if only I had the balls... pun intended
  

(But I did order this and this.)

Another unsolicited and unnecessary review of The Wire.

I don't mind crime movies. I don't seek them out but if I run across one I'll watch it, especially if Denzel or Morgan is involved. They're done in a few hours and usually, in the end, everything tidies up into a nice neat package. Sometimes I even figure out what's going on early in the movie without needing to be hit over the head with it at the end. Usually not, but sometimes.

But for whatever reason, I don't like crime shows. The early seasons of the X Files were different - alien crime? government conspiracy? Fox Mulder? now we're talking - but I think I've watched one episode of Law & Order in my entire life (quite a feat considering that it's on nine channels 24x7 these days) and I've never seen a full CSI episode. I like The Closer but that appeal is more about Kyra Sedgwick finally getting the role she was meant to play than the show itself. So I wasn't sold on the concept when a friend recommended The Wire, but after just two episodes of season one I was hooked.

The five-season run explores the underworld of drug trafficking and how it relates to life on the street, politics, media, policing and the school system. Been there, done that - right? Wrong. The characters are some of the most compelling I have ever encountered (sorry Joss) who play off each other in some of the best-written dialogue and plotlines I've ever seen (sorry again Joss). I think that every episode made me laugh at one point and drop my jaw in utter shock at another. The familiar locale kept me interested. (The show is based in Baltimore but surrounding areas often played into the plotlines. I'm a product of Prince George's County and yes, it really is that bad.) And everything - EVERYTHING - is connected.

I was a bit worried about the last season. Unlike other seasons that exposed me to worlds I would never know otherwise, season 5 seemed a little obvious. (Wait - the media is corrupt? Politicians are slimy? Police departments are underfunded? Nooooooo! Really?) But as a testiment to the writers' skillful storytelling, around the third episode I began to notice a very subtle but very present tension which I can only equate to a ticking time bomb. Many believe that the last episode was one of the finest hours of television ever made. Me, I found Middle Ground in season 3 to be one of the finest hours of television ever made. But that last hour was good stuff too.

So yes, do not pass go, do not collect $200, just watch it. Savvy?

"I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago..."

"... because she's going to have the nuclear codes."

This made me love Matt Damon even more than the Sarah Silverman song. I wasn't sure that was possible.

Public service announcement. Sort of.

Dear Friends,

We may have thought we wanted a woman on a national political ticket, but the joke has really been on us, hasn't it? Are you as sick in your stomach as I am at the thought of Sarah Palin as Vice President of the United States ?

Since Palin gave her speech accepting the Republican nomination for the Vice Presidency, Barack Obama's campaign has raised over $10 million dollars.

Some of you may already be supporting the Obama campaign financially -- but want to do more -- anything. I am horrified by Palin's selection, furious, and frightened by it for many reasons, one of which is her position on women's issues. May I pass along the following fiendishly brilliant idea?

Make a donation to Planned Parenthood. Of any amount, in Sarah Palin's name. Here's the best part: when you make a donation to PP in her name, they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor. It won't change the election but it will support an important organization and it will make women's voices heard. (And even if this was cooked up by a PP person -- I don't care!)

Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org

You'll need to check "make honorary or memorial gift," and fill in the name of the person you want to "honor," i.e. Palin. Fill in the address to let PP know where to send the "in Sarah Palin's honor" card. If you use the address for the McCain campaign headquarters, they'll get the message.

McCain's headquarters address:
McCain for President
1235 S. Clark Street
1st Floor
Arlington, VA 22202

Please free to send this along to all your women -- and men -- friends and urge them to do the same.

Can I get a meal plan card with that?

Tonight's dinner consisted of Macallan on the rocks with various fried food for happy hour, followed by a beer and a bowl of Trader Joe's peanut butter filled pretzels once I got home.

What? I needed protein...

And now I need another beer. It's been that kind of week.

Yeah...

... this pretty much sums up my social security, your social security, your kids' social security... add the Feds' AIG bailout to the mix and you've got one hell of a Venn diagram!

Too long for a FB status.

Try this: listen to "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" by Dylan a few times in a row, then play "We're Going To Be Friends" by the White Stripes a few times, then play the Dylan song again.

It's the same basic tune, right? I mean, I guess after 50+ years of rock & roll it's hard to make a truly original song, hence all the stupid copy infringement law suits by greedy musicians whose songs don't fare as well as those that allegedly copy them. But this similarity was really striking to me.

(Also known as, how I spent a ridiculous amount of time yesterday at work. I'm finding some good coping mechanisms!)

We like tha mooooooon...

Last night I looked outside and saw a big yellow glowing ball sitting on top of an office building. I thought it was an odd lighting choice overall and a rather energy-inefficient high-rise airplane warning specifically, but whatever, to each his own.

An hour later I looked outside and the yellow glowing ball had moved up about two feet in my line of vision. It was no longer sitting on the building. "Wow, that's the MOON?" (I'm smart like that.)


This was taken two hours later when it was much higher in the sky and I was back on the East side where there were less city lights. Still, I need a better camera...

_________________
... but not as much as cheese.

"This is such a Portland thing to do."

I said that myself, and then overheard it at least 10 times, watching the Chapman Vaux Swifts put on a spectacular show last night. Every year thousands of these little birds migrate south and stop by Portland on the way, feeding during the day and roosting in a chimney at a local school at night. And hundreds of people gather every single night to watch their descent.

It starts out slow, with a few birds meandering their way near the chimney about an hour before dusk. As the sun sets, more and more birds arrive:


(All those specks you aren't sure are birds? Yeah, they're birds. I need to get my camera lens cleaned.)


The sun sets, the orchestrated frenzy reaches a peak and the majority of birds fly into the chimney, reverse-tornado-style. A few lingering swarms do synchronized acrobatics in the sky and eventually follow suit.

The show seems to always feature a hawk in search of dinner. The nature-loving crowd oohs and aahs when the hawk comes near, gasps when it storms into the swarm of swifts, and... yes... cheers, hoots and hollers when it finally catches one and flies away. Who'd have thunk. I got some video of this which I'll try to clean up and post, but the clearest part is the roar from the crowd when Mr. Hawk snags a swift.

A guy sitting next to us theorized that we are the show for the birds, rather than vice versa. I can't help but wonder...

"...and you just glided in on a dog sled wearing your pageant sash and your Tina Fey glasses."

I love that everyone's all up in arms about the lipstick on a pig comment, but no one seems to have connected "stinky old dead fish" to McCain.

Boy, am I sorry I missed this last night... Thank goodness for the interweb.

And now for something completely different...

Why I hate Vegas, exhibit #461.

Taken in 2002. After a rafting trip down the Colorado River, we decided it would be a good idea to spend a few nights in Vegas.

BAD IDEA.

I really wasn't going to go anywhere near this.

But then today I read this. I am so glad I do not take spin classes.

Thursday morning I saw some vague FB references but I don't recall anyone saying anything about it at work. That night, distracted with other things, I noticed the flags at half-mast. Halfway through my own question I answered it... and immediately changed the subject. I got home too late to bother with Jon Stewart, and the next day everything was bright and shiny again.

I'm curious. What good does remembering it do? With Hurricane Katrina, you remember and maybe you donate some money to Habitat New Orleans or maybe you even organize a group of friends to go down and help with clean-up, or to just pour some tourist money into the town. Or maybe you collect donations to have an outside assessment of levies in your local area.

But really, this thing has gone on for so long, with such atrocities committed in our name, with such dire consequences here and internationally that we will be living with for decades to come, that I'd just as soon forget it.

I mean no disrespect to anyone who has spent any time over there regardless of where they are now or what condition they are in, or to anyone who lost anyone or anything when the planes crashed. I'm sorry it happened, I'm even more sorry about how it was handled and I'm monumentally sorry that I feel so apathetic about being able to do anything about it.

Idea #77: soundtrack to my life.

(I like this idea much better than a "soundtrack of my life," which, right now, would consist of songs like "Company Calls" and "Going Through the Motions" and "Wise Up" and... well, never mind. It's Saturday and I shouldn't be thinking about work.)

Age 5: attempted to memorize all the words to "The Gambler." (Dad was a huge Kenny Rogers fan. I know more Kenny Rogers songs than I care to admit.) Mostly successful in this effort, and those words are still mostly ingrained in my brain. Also listened to Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water album a million times thanks to Mom. While I do question whether a 5-year old should've been going around singing "Cecilia" in public, to this day "The Boxer" is still my favorite S&G song. (I may take after my dad in terms of stubbornness but it's pretty clear where my music appreciation gene comes from - I was also fond of her Peter Paul & Mary, Beatles and Neil Diamond albums as a child.)

Age 7: began my 45" vinyl singles collection. Lots of Michael Jackson and Prince were involved. Also this year, ventured into the world of new media and purchased my first cassette tape - Men at Work, Business as Usual.

Age 8: sang Paul's part of "Say Say Say" (CLICK! you MUST click!) into a tape recorder over and over to get the perfect "take" as judged by my brother, who thought I had a lovely singing voice back in the day. Three years later, rejected by county choir. Hrrmph. Also this year, the "Thriller" video was released. We did not have cable but my uncle did, and we were at his house when the video premiered on MTV. Scared the holy crap out of me.

Age 9: heard my first Weird Al song, then memorized the whole album. Spent the rest of the summer creating song parodies to Michael Jackson songs (I think this is where my interest in writing began) and being slightly afraid to listen to "Nature Trail to Hell In 3-D" before bed.

Age 10: indoctrinated into Run's House by my brother.

Age 13: my "song" with my "boyfriend" was "Always" by Atlantic Starr. Don't forget the extra "r" in Starr. Or the air quotes around any of this.

Age 14: attended NKOTB concert. Was mocked by dozens, didn't care.

Later that year, introduced to Erasure and thus began my long, slow descent into the world of indie rock by way of electronica.

Which leads to a belated Friday five: albums that had the most significant impact on my formative late high school/early college years, in no particular order and of no surprise to anyone...

• Ten - Pearl Jam
• Disintegration - The Cure
• Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
• Pretty Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails
• Mental Jewelry - Live

Ten was actually my first CD purchase. I'm trying to remember the first digital music purchase I ever made...

A haiku to laser eye surgery.

Four doctors. Three years.
Six different prescriptions.
HELL NO to lasers.

OK, that was a pretty lame haiku. Add "EVER IN MY EYES" to the end, and emphasize FOUR DIFFERENT DOCTORS, SIX DIFFERENT PRESCRIPTIONS IN THREE YEARS and it's not a haiku anymore, it's just a rant against the ophthalmology world and the technology I am terrified of - but apparently for good reason.

Seriously? If you had four eye doctors over the course of three years give you six different vision prescriptions (which varied even more between contacts and glasses), would you entrust your beautiful baby [insert plural eye color and add SLASH] reason for enjoying this beautiful earth to a freaking "magic LASER"??

I don't think so.

As a result of my most recent attempt at reasonable vision without corrective surgery, my eyes are scratchy and blurry from the contacts, my head hurts from all the focus and lack thereof from the subsequent resort to glasses, and I'm having buyer's remorse for (really expensive but allegedly correct Rx) glasses I just ordered even though I think they were the better choice, framewise - slightly more hip but not hipster hip, because really I'm just a black t-shirt and khakis kind of gal. (But I am not my fucking khakis. Lest that confuse you.)

There is no point to this. It is a pointless rant. And that is all.

Idea #59: worst roommate ever.

(I love living alone. You always wanna know why? Well, take it in.)

This one is a tie.

First there was the guy who had no sense of smell, order, cleanliness, manners, common sense... the list goes on and on. Technically he was my boyfriend's illegal roommate but I was technically my boyfriend's illegal roommate too, so it felt like I lived with this guy. My boyfriend's cats hated him and would pee in his shoes, but since he couldn't smell anything he never knew... The best part was that he worked in a school and all the kids would laugh at him for this. You might wonder why we never said anything to him. See first sentence, then consider the time when he was convinced my boyfriend had stolen his REM tickets. He didn't like me, he knew I liked REM, ergo my boyfriend must have stolen his REM tickets. Right? Of course! After a month of the most dedicated silent treatment I've ever seen demonstrated on two people (which actually would've been quite blissful if he hadn't been living in their living room, which just made it all very awkward), and about 3 days before the concert, he made his bed and found the tickets underneath. I don't think he ever apologized.

Then there was my freshman roommate during my sophomore year in college. She was a Beevis & Butthead fan. I mean, FAN. She had a LARGER THAN LIFE picture of B&B which she hung above her bed, which was the first thing I saw every morning when I woke up. She laughed like them (on purpose). She didn't seem to know that there were channels other than MTV, and didn't seem to care if I was sleeping, or studying, or talking on the phone - we were always watching some God-awful MTV program and falling asleep at night to B&B. If I need a hearing aid in 30 years, it's not because of all the concerts I've been to - it's because in college Eddie Vedder and Billy Corgan were constantly screaming in my ears in order to drown out The Grind, MTV Jams, Top 20 Video Countdown, B&B... I knew she was troubled, in the Britney Spears kind of way (minus any talent and/or fame), and I tried really hard to be nice to her but after about a month neither of us had the patience and I ended up spending most of my time in the study hall or with friends. On the plus side, she gave me all my phone messages and she went home a lot so weekends were nice... And we both transferred after a semester so it was only four months of hell.

The fact that these two situations were worlds worse than living with my boyfriend for an additional 2 months after we went through a terrible breakup is kind of interesting to me.

Do the President and VEEP both live at the White House? I bet those combinations of folks would have some fascinating roommate stories from years past...

Belated Friday five.

I am pretty sure this will be of interest to... um, no one... but that's never really stopped me before.

This week was Musicfest NW, where allegedly 216 bands played over the course of four nights in venues all over Portland. I can't vouch for that number but I do know that I had a very hard time picking who to see with my $50 all-access wristband:

My initial strategy was the obvious: plan the nights around M Ward, Menomena/Helio Sequence, TV on the Radio and Vampire Weekend. This strategy changed after Wednesday night - out of exhaustion Thursday I skipped M Ward and stayed on my side of the river instead, and I'm so glad I did. The new strategy involved seeing as many random out-of-state bands as possible, in as many new venues as possible, and saving the big ticket names for when I can buy an actual ticket (big or otherwise) and guarantee myself a place at the show.

After way too much time on MySpace, I learned that many of the bands were local so planning around out-of-state bands became a slight challenge. So was convincing myself to go to these out-of-state band shows instead of local shows because the local folks sounded more interesting. (But I can see them anytime, right? Yeah. Famous last words.)

Anyway. Five random shows (of 13 total) I was happy I attended, in no particular order:

• Oxford Collapse: three boys from NYC. I'm not up on my music terminology - they were, perhaps, garage punk? Maybe just rock & roll? More importantly, they were completely unpretentious and they genuinely enjoyed playing for the crowd (unlike local favorites Starfucker, who get no hyperlink!, who played later that night, who oozed theatrical pretension, who looked so very bored to be there, who cut their set in half and who just bugged me in general). I bought a CD but it doesn't come close to their live performance. Check out: If It Dies in Peoria Then Who The Hell Cares?, mostly because that's a great name for a song - like I said, they are much better live.
  
• Best Fwends: two boys from Ft Worth, Texas who don't like their name. I'm not too fond of it either, but I checked them out anyway. Their show began with running commentary and occasional choreography about/to More Human than Human, and there began my mental comparison to Flight of the Conchords blended with early Dead Milkmen. They seemed to genuinely have a good time, and it was an all-ages venue so the energy from the young folks was contagious. Check out: House Ghost.
  
• Bodies of Water: when these LA guys and gals first started setting up, they looked like your average band - t shirts/flannels and jeans. Then the gal in the black bodysuit came onstage and I knew I was in for something interesting... I really have nothing to compare them to, other than maybe a less refined, less gloomy Arcade Fire. But I really liked their set. Check out: These Are the Eyes.
  
• Xavier Rudd: I'd heard of this Australian fellow before. Since I'd never been to the Crystal Ballroom I figured I'd check him out. At first I wasn't entirely sold on the music, but I was definitely impressed that two people could make that much noise. Maybe the herbal air eventually got to me because he won me over, and it was a great show. Check out: Choices (not one of the louder songs, but very pretty).
  
• Dan Deacon: not something I would normally listen to live or otherwise, but he was recommended by a coworker. Other than berating me and the rest of the old folks in the back of the room for not participating in his dance-off, I enjoyed this NYC guy's show a lot. Check out: Mark Brown.
  

The only regrets were that I skipped Matt and Kim to try for TV on the Radio with no luck, which I knew would be the case; that I was too tired to stick it out for the whole Old 97's show; and that I didn't get in line earlier for the Built to Spill show - I waited in line for 45 minutes, only to get in for the last three songs. ("But... but I have a wristband!") But honestly, it was hot as hell inside, and we could hear the show from the line, and it was nice and breezy outside, and there was a gorgeous sunset, and some nice man was giving out free ice cream... So I'm not complaining.

And five venues (of 9 total) I will be visiting again soon:

• Roseland: I've never had to walk through metal detectors before seeing a show. But it's a decent sized space and I'll be going there to see Flogging Molly in October.
• Doug Fir: oh my God, BEST. VENTILATION. EVER. I was actually cold during the show.
  
• Wonder Ballroom: a 10-minute walk from my apartment. (In fact... I walked to all the shows on the east side, and walked to the free MAX to get to the west side to walk to shows. I love this small town.)
  
• Dante's: the first place I visited in Portland. It never really fills up and porters are $3.75. Can't beat that with a stick. Well, I guess you could.
  
• Crystal Ballroom: the floor? It really bounces!
  

And now, I need another nap.

________________
Alternate post titles:
"I lost my hearing and all I got was this lousy wristband."
"Writing sample #1 toward my music review career."
"I am too old for this shit."

Once again...

... HA-ha!

(Don't worry - you guys can mock me from approximately October-May.)

Catching up on the RNC.

I've been pretty busy this week, so other than almost falling off the treadmill in angry shock while watching Rudy Giuliani's speech Wednesday night I haven't paid much attention to what's been going on at the RNC. Today I had some time to catch up, thanks to my friend Jon Stewart and the fine folks at Comedy Central. (And some real news too.)

Appalling as a lot of this is, I am still having trouble getting past Giuliani's mockery of Obama's community organizing experience. I have witnessed this work firsthand, and it takes leadership you would not believe and a profound understanding of the people you are working with. Seems like those two things alone make him an excellent candidate to run our country.

Is no one going to mention the fact that without community organizers doing their thing almost a century ago, Sarah Palin would not even be voting, let alone running as the VEEP candidate? I guess if they go there, they have to go to the fact that without community organizers half a century ago, Obama would not be running for President - and that would bring race into the whole campaign. Which we ALL KNOW has nothing to do with why backwoods freaks are not interested in voting for Obama.

Maybe I haven't gotten to that Daily Show clip yet...

Overheard waiting in various lines at Musicfest NW.

"They ought to call this LINEFEST NW!"

"You mean I have to WAIT IN LINE to hear my FAVORITE ALBUM by MY FAVORITE BAND?!"

"Stop saying we should go somewhere else. I WANT TO HEAR THIS BAND and I'm not leaving."

"Oh my God this is the line? Like, to get in?"

"But... but I have a WRISTBAND!"

Damn, hipsters are some impatient people.

Apologies in advance for a self-righteous post.

Animal Planet has decided to air a series featuring Timothy Treadwell's adventures in grizzly bear stalking.

I am very upset about this. VERY upset.

Glorifying the life of someone who had no mental capacity to deal with the animals he encountered is utterly unacceptable. A network apparently devoted to the preservation and naturally-portraying-life of animals that would show such a series is appalling. Steve Irwin was an idiot who respected the power of the beasts he encountered, and said so, quite often, in his own defense, and died in a random tragedy. Treadwell, on the other hand, thought he was friends with the bears and got what he deserved.

Harsh, but true, in my opinion. I am not afraid of much, but I am afraid of two things: guns and bears. Both will take your life before you can blink an eye.

Rest assured, I will be having a word with my Discovery.com oldest friend about this nonsense which she has no control over. A very strong word.

And then I will see what's going on over at The Two Coreys. Yunno, for a little balance...

HA-ha!