Free to a good home.

Black cat. Fully vaccinated. Approximately 11 pounds, short hair, greenish yellowish eyes, just over 10 years old. Loud purr. Big ears. Big belly.

Big fucking mouth. Really big.


Likes: long lap stints, canned tuna, laser pointers, crying at 5:45am every morning for expensive wet food and then turning her nose up at it, scratching the hell out of $800 couches, eating plants, incessantly whining, throwing up on just-washed comforters and blankets, scattering litter everywhere after using the box, jumping into the chair the second you get up for a moment, glaring at you while sitting on your lap while you are at the computer, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Dislikes: other cats, ankle biters, being left alone all day.

Inquire within. Seriously. Please??

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Believe it or not, this was actually idea #25 in the magic book. (Well, the idea was writing a false advertisement - not encouraging calls from the ASPCA.) On the other hand, you probably won't have any trouble believing that the "likes" pretty much sums up my weekend. If I have to wash that goddamned blanket one more time...