You know you're in suburban Maryland when...

5. Tomatoes on the vine cost almost $4 a pound.
4. There are smoking sections in restaurants.
3. Your only options for coffee are instant, Starbucks and 7-11. (But can I just say, and please know that it pains me to say this, Starbucks eggnog latte = YUM!!)
2. Despite the fact that Maryland was a blue state, you've only seen one anti-Bush bumper sticker in four days, and no one gets your 'sorryeverybody.com' t-shirt.
1. It's really really freakin' cold.

Runners up:
- You can't buy wine at Safeway.
- But you can buy wine at drive-through liquor stores.