Jingle bells, Batman smells...

Rather than discuss what's really bugging me today, which is the profound and unanswerable question of "ok really now why are we all here and what the hell is this all about," which hit me with unprecedented force last night for some unknown reason... And rather than talking about how much I do not like technology especially as it relates to my job right now... I will talk about my next career.

I decided today that my next career will be in greeting cards. Specifically, Christmas cards for family members. Even more specifically, Christmas cards for family members that do not oooooooze with utter sappy sentimentality and that don't declare, "you're the best brother EVER!!", or "you're the most wonderful parents I could've ever dreamed of having for my very own!!"

Never again shall people like me spend hours in the drugstore looking for a card that doesn't make them want to gag. My Christmas cards will have messages you might actually consider saying out loud to your family members. Messages that are 100% truth, that you would say on a day that wasn't Christmas. Like, "thanks, brother, for not calling me 'Billy' for no apparent reason* anymore. Merry Christmas." And "happy holidays, Mom and Dad, and here's to another year of you not asking me when I'm going to give you grandchildren."

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* I really don't know. It started about 15 years ago, it stopped last year. I gave up questioning it somewhere in between.