A transcript of the actual conversation I just had with my cat.

"Baby. Really. I don't like being able to feel your backbone. Would you just eat already? I mean, I know it's cool to pull that Hollywood shit and not eat for days - but that's only if you are named Lindsay or Paris or Vanessa or (at some points in time) Britney. Just effing eat already. Be fat Britney. We like fat Britney."

It's hard to speak a parenthetical phrase, for the record.

Her Maj did great for about a week on twice-daily 'roids. When I cut back to once a day as per vet instructions, she started to decline again.

Tomorrow is the follow-up appointment before I leave her in a stranger's hands for 8 days. I weighed her tonight on my crappy Target scale and it came to 6 lbs. Because it's a crappy scale, I know this isn't accurate but I don't think she gained enough weight over the last 10 days and I fear the wrath of the vet, despite having done everything I could to get her back on track. This is only compounded by the fact that when they saw her initially 14 days ago, they were so alarmed by her status that they insisted upon keeping her overnight and doing a biopsy the next day even though they "don't normally do biopsies on Thursdays." I had done everything as instructed up to that point but when that statement was uttered, I still felt like a complete failure.

Kids? NO THANK YOU.

This afternoon I had the most selfish thought: "Thank goodness someone else will be worrying about her for a week." And I didn't feel bad about thinking that. But the fact that I didn't feel bad about thinking that, made me feel bad.

DAMN CAT.

A question.

Will an Elizabethan period flick NEVER win the Costume Oscar? This is ridiculous.

Another question. What the hell is up with Hugh Jackman's hair?

Eeeeeeerie.

I was supposed to do this to an iPod shuffle, but ran across the 'random quote' option on this site and decided to see what would happen if I shuffled quotes instead of songs. The results were spooky - especially that funeral one! and the motto one too - and only three don't really make sense. Can you guess which three?

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. Lord Acton, Letter to Mary Gladstone, 1881

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dignity comes not from control, but from understanding who you are and taking your rightful place in the world. Real Live Preacher weblog, 05-01-05

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Doubt whom you will, but never yourself. Christine Bovee

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
A doctor saves lives - it's up to people to create lives that are worth saving. Philip Gold, Doctors: Jokes, Quotes and Anecdotes 2005 Calendar

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for. Earl Warren (1891 - 1974)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive. Frida Kahlo (1907 - 1954), Letter to Nickolas Muray, 12-18-1939

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Every individual matters. Every individual has a role to play. Every individual makes a difference. Jane Goodall (1934 - )

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. Thomas Sowell (1930 - ), Is Reality Optional?, 1993

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
A person's abilities are tested best when defending rather than attacking. Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata, Animal Crossing: Wild World, 2005

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Without tenderness, a man is uninteresting. Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. Arnold Toynbee (1889 - 1975)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
They can conquer who believe they can. Virgil (70 BC - 19 BC)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
It isn't kind to cultivate a friendship just so one will have an audience. Lawana Blackwell, The Courtship of the Vicar's Daughter, 1998

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
I am just going outside and may be some time. Captain Lawrence Oates (1880 - 1912), last words

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Before he sets out, the traveler must possess fixed interests and facilities to be served by travel. George Santayana (1863 - 1952)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
It is well to give when asked but it is better to give unasked, through understanding. Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931), 'On Giving,' The Prophet, 1923

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The family is changing not disappearing. We have to broaden our understanding of it, look for the new metaphors. Mary Catherine Bateson

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love, and to long life. Alexander A. Bogomoletz

A semi-good read.

Pretty sure I got this heartwarming, feel-good book for Christmas from friends because I keep threatening to move to Sweden. It was interesting enough, but it was mainly a lot of stories meant to shock and enrage, which worked, but which aren't incredibly productive. (At the very end he actually says "it's probably too late." OK, thanks!)

It also bugged me that he only interviewed, quoted and referenced educated Westerners... Granted, he was mostly criticizing them but I would've been much more impressed if he had actually interviewed a group of the 85-90% of moderate W European Muslims who he kept stating are a big part of the problem. It could've helped to inform some actionable ideas.

I'm glad I read it though. Really? Half of Germans under 24 don't know what the Holocaust was? And that's just one of the many appalling statements in the book.

I suppose I should caveat this review with the statements, "I am a sociologist at heart" and "I am a socialist at heart." And I guess I am naive - I do think that peaceful negotiations should be the first step in resolving any conflict, whether it's at an individual or a global level. Speak softly... but still carry that big stick in your back pocket.

________________
This is the fourth edit I've made to this post. I think that says something about the book - I have more to say about it, and my reaction to it, than I first suspected. (Or, it's just a slow night.)

Friday five.

Been a little behind on this, mostly out of laziness but also because it's actually really *hard* to come up with five things that don't suck every day... which I guess is kinda the whole point of doing it every day...? Right.

Will get back on that Monday because it was helping my mood when I was doing it daily. But for now, five things that didn't suck this week, in no particular order:

• free passes to two local Portland speaking event type thingies
• the opportunity to give constructive feedback to mgmt even though I don't think it will go anywhere
• to my shock and awe, despite a self-employment gig where I paid no taxes at the time, I am getting money back* for 2008 taxes... hooray for being able to claim moving, not getting last year's "stimulus" check, and H&R Block
• finding an amazing lady to watch Her Majesty while I'm gone
• finally hanging up my posters and paintings after almost 10 months of not wanting to put holes in the wall because "I'm not staying here much longer"... of course I am staying here and it's amazing how much more homey the place feels now

Happy Friday!

________________
* Well, except from CA, who will be sending me a nice I-Don't-Really-Plan-On-Coming-Through-With-This-IOU sealed with a scratch and sniff skunk sticker. Glad I got out of there when I did.

"I don't drop character 'till I done the DVD commentary."

The Reader: During the first 20 minutes or so, I kept thinking, errrr, isn't this a Holocaust movie? And then it was. The end was lame but Kate Winslet deserves every award and David Kross was robbed. And you should see this movie.

Revolutionary Road: I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason I am so moved by Sam Mendes films is because I expect to end up "that way" at some point in my life. It makes me wonder how his marriage to Kate is working out. Maybe he gets all his issues out on film and he and Kate are a great couple. Anyway, as with American Beauty, I walked out not understanding all the hype but incredibly depressed. With AB, the depression lasted a week. With RR, it went away the next day but I reflected upon the film and the characters for at least a week. Leo and Kate were incredible and the supporting actor nominee was both hilarious and terrifying. Things We Lost In the Fire suddenly makes sense and I need to rent Jarhead and Road to Perdition immediately.

Frozen River: I watched about 20 minutes and turned it off. I'm sure it's a great movie. I'm sure. You just really have to be in the mood for a story about a poor woman who resorts to trafficking drugs across an ice patch that might collapse at any moment to support her family when there's no other hope. (Maybe it will be an inspiration to publicity whore Crazy Baby Lady and then The Man will catch her and take away her 186 kids and she will get what she deserves - absolutely nothing? Hey, a girl can dream.)

The Visitor: Was this nominated for a Golden Globe? Why was it in my queue? Maybe because Patricia Clarkson was somehow mysteriously involved? Regardless, I'm glad it was, because it was actually a fascinating movie. Great to see Dead Guy from Six Feet Under in a more meaningful, heavier-than-being-dead role. I enjoyed this one a lot although again, the ending was lame.

Tropic Thunder: About 30 minutes into this, I was mad that I was watching it. And then something clicked and it was the best comedy I've seen in a long, long time. The premise was absurd, the characters were absurd and the fact that this was nominated for anything Oscar-related was absurd. Great movie.

Doubt: Did I not post a review of this? OK... Meryl, you're awesome. We all know this. Give someone else a chance at the purty statue (ahem, Anne Hathaway, ahem). Otherwise, I wasn't blown away by the story. Maybe because we read about this sort of thing every other day? And really - someone who has approximately 5 minutes of face time in the movie gets a supporting actress nod? How is that possible?

In Bruges: Is In My Netflix Pile. Not sure I will get to it or through it by Sunday though. Colin Ferrell bugs me. I'll try to be a trooper in honor of the big day.

Vicky Christina Barcelona: Is not in my Netflix pile because apparently everyone and their mother has it queued to watch before the big day. (Oh and I put off watching it because I can't stand Scarlett, though Javier intrigues me.) I'm curious about this one, lots of people I know liked it but Woody hasn't impressed me in many, many years. So we shall see.

Dear Facebook...

... Thank you for enabling me to waste a perfectly good day off.

It started innocently enough. Up at 6:30am, laundry at 7am, I'll just hop on and play my rounds of challenge sudoku. Wouldn't want to keep a friend waiting after all, and don't puzzles and word games prevent memory loss later in life? (Oh yeah. I can rationalize my way out of a wet paper bag like you can't believe.)

Laundry got dragged out for three hours due to everyone else thinking they had the right to use the washer and dryer today too. Eh, OK. Another sudoku challenge initiated, and I'll catch up on scrabble too. Then I had to wait for the catsitter interviewees, so OK, another few rounds of sudoku and my turn at scrabble. After the interviews I did go to REI for kayak shoes and then I hit the gym for losing-beer-weight-from-weekend-guest-visit purposes. And then home. Since then, Facebook.

I find it incredibly ironic that there are dozens of "Facebook is a waste of time!" groups on Facebook.

My kitty is a junkie, what does your kitty do?

After her stay at the Ritz last week, Her Majesty came home with more things shaved. I can't help but laugh every time I see her little arms where the catheter was:

Shoot up or shut up!

In general, she's doing OK. According to the vet, she does have that awful sounding IBD as well as food allergies (damn cat) so we've had twice daily fun with multiple pills/syringes o'meds since Tuesday. This is pretty much her new look around 6:30am and 6:30pm every day:

But shortly afterwards, she returns to her obnoxiously adorable self again. Just in time for my Costa Rica trip, we'll be down to one pill a day and a new diet, and she will weigh more than 7lbs, and I will be much more comfortable leaving her in the hands of a stranger while I enjoy the monkeys and ziplines and red eyed tree frogs.

And fresh fish and kayaking and lava flows and hanging bridges and hot springs.

And rainforests and fried plantains and hammocks by the water and 320 species of birds.

And manatees and tropical sunsets and...

We like da moon.

Taken last night from my street. This hardly does it justice, and I missed the good clouds-in-front-like-eerie-werewolf-movie shot. But this is what I love and have missed about winter. The moon always looks more amazing on a cold, cloudy night.

It's not easy being me.

You are Kermit the Frog. You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you have a habit of waving your arms about maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS: "Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and "Sheesh!"
FAVORITE MOVIE: "How Green Was My Mother"
LAST BOOK READ: "Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the Internet"
HOBBIES: Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.
QUOTE: "Hmm, my banjo is wet."

What muppet are you?

One word.

Where is your cell phone? - charging
Your significant other? - who?
Your hair? - ponytailed
Your mother? - giving
Your father? - protective
Your favorite thing? - dark
Your dream last night? - forgotten
Your dream/goal? - l-i-v-i-n'
The room you're in? - small
Your fear? - lots
Where do you want to be in 6 years? - everywhere
Where were you last night? - home
What you're not? - contradictory
Muffins? - bagels
One of your wish list items? - longevity
Where did you grow up? - suburbs
The last thing you did? - type
What are you wearing? - pjs
Your TV? - dusty
Your pet(s)? - lap
Your computer? - slow
Your life? - satisfying
Your mood? - depends
Missing someone? - sometimes
Your car? - full
Something you're not wearing? - earrings
Favorite store? - music
Your summer? - cool
Your favorite color? - tangerine
When is the last time you laughed? - lunch
Last time you cried? - Tuesday

Friday five.

Five things I am looking forward to this weekend, in no particular order:

• Revolutionary Road
  
• a good long run tomorrow*
• BSG and Dexter catchup
• getting my packing/shopping list together for Costa Rica
• trying out a new Ethiopian restaurant with a friend

* these days, "long" means 5 miles, but...

The most important thing that didn't suck yesterday was my mood. Everything else (including the weather, the workout, finally running a bunch of put-off errands, my sandwich at lunch) was gravy, so I'll skip the list. Er... or, maybe I just made the list.

Whatevs. It's Friday, people!

All's quiet on the home front.

Her Maj has been enjoying a lovely day and evening at the MGM Grand of pet hotels - the emergency vet. Her stay so far has included pokes and prods from various strangers, numerous lab tests and having the fear of God instilled in her (damn yappy dogs!).

Tomorrow, lab results pending, she is scheduled for a relaxing noon endoscopy/biopsy. I was hesitant about a surgical biopsy but this is not invasive, it's one of those coiled camera scope thingies like you see on Animal Planet ER shows and House, and I sooooooooo want to watch - how cool would that be? (Oh, and also, she now weighs 7 lbs. I'd cut her open myself if it would help. Desperate times and all that.)

Anyway, the boss was nice enough to let me work from home today to accommodate this mid-morning appointment half an hour away, and it's a darned good thing because I've been a bit of a wreck all day. But in between that I also got a ton of work done (no prairie dog cube calls, no next door neighbor with the booming base voice, no disco rave down the hall, no anorexic cat sitting on my lap paralyzing and inconveniencing me) and I spent another hour and a half at the gym tonight.

In addition to those things, here are five more things that didn't suck today:

• Finding out that there is an "English - Pirate (beta)" Facebook language. Best. News. EVER! (A bit hard to read, but hilarious nonetheless.)
• YBIAA.
  
• Beets.
  
• Getting some dirt on people I knew in high school and college.
  
• "Shed Your Love" by the Helio Sequence.

I almost forgot.

• Dr. House.
• Lunch on the boss's dime.
• My yellow duck earrings. (Also, my b/w cow earrings and my pink pig earrings. Everyone keeps saying I need more color in my wardrobe... baby steps, people, baby steps.)
• The Decemberists.
• Finally getting my Hep A and typhoid vaccinations taken care of.

Those things didn't suck today.

Hmmm... I do love a challenge.

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name: Jen(n)
2. A four letter word: jonx
3. A boy's name: Jacob
4. A girl's name: Jael
5. An occupation: jewel thief
6. A color: jaundice
7. Something you wear: jammies
8. A food: jerk tofu burger at Barney's
9. Something found in the bathroom: janitor
10. A place: Juneau
11. A reason for being late: just didn't want to go
12. Something you shout: JMFC on a pogo stick!
13. A movie title: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
14. Something you drink: juice
15. A musical group: Jayhawks
16. An animal: june bug
17. A street name: Judah
18. A type of car: jeep
19. Something scary: JMFC on a pogo stick!
20. Ice cream flavor: jamocha® almond fudge

On the other hand...

... my father has a knack for pointing out things I already know, not in a patronizing way, but in a way that helps. I was talking to him this afternoon and he asked about Her Majesty. I got kind of upset when describing the latest dramas (not eating since Friday even with shots yesterday that have always helped, the everyday pill debacle, the upcoming week in Costa Rica and leaving her with a stranger, etc.).

He reminded me that she was just like a kid. He reminded me that she's already stressed out about this, and me being stressed out is just stressing her out even more. He reminded me to take care of myself during all this.

I have known all of this in the back of my head but haven't been able to work it out.

So I took a breath, went to the gym for an hour and a half for the first time in weeks, came home, shoved some food down her throat with no apologies and no coddling, and went about my business. Ten minutes later she was at the food dish eating of her own accord. Just a little bit, but it was a huge step.

So the uber cliche wrap-up to this post... Sometimes father really does know best.

Just not when it comes to computers. Sorry in advance, technical support in India.

2,808 miles.

See that bluish purple line? That bluish purple line is my saving grace. That bluish purple line means that I do not have to help my father set up his new computer and figure out how to use everything.

Thanks, brother! I owe ya one. (Although if the last computer death is any indication of things to come, I suspect dear brother will start screening/ignoring his calls in about 3 hours and the kind folks in India will be called to duty. Again and again and again.)