Barenaked monkey business.

There's a line in one of their most well-known, often played songs, which I have heard at least a gazillion times, that goes, "Haven't you always wanted a mon-KEY??" There's another song, written many years later, about a fan (or fans) sending them postcards of chimpanzees. Tons and tons of postcards of chimpanzees. Last night, upon seeing the little monkey in Steve's coat pocket (not his zipper), I finally got the connection. At least, I think it's a connection.

I hereby pronounce my new method of job searching: asking everyone I know, "Haven't you always wanted a new JOB??" I'm sure the offers will just come pouring in.

Anyway. I wasn't thrilled with their latest endeavor, and even less so when I heard they had better songs on part 2 of the album but you had to re-buy the album to get part 2, and the crowd started out too tame, and the band started out too tame, and the dance routine felt like it was influenced by OK Go's videos instead of by their own design, and even THEY seemed bored at times during the show... but somewhere between the middle of the show and the first encore, I remembered why I would marry any one of them.

Except for perhaps the drummer, but he would definitely make a great drinking buddy.

Post-Thanksgiving Friday five.

Five random inventions I am thankful for, in no particular order:

1. headphones
   
2. fuzzy slippers
3. bread machines
   
4. umbrellas
5. neosporin
   

Because I can't seem to get over this.

Seriously now. If you were meeting someone for the first time, would you glare and be verbally annoyed with them for being 4 minutes late?

The only person I do that with is my oldest friend. And that's because I've known her for 18 years, and she really is ALWAYS LATE.

But seriously.

Happy thanksgiving!

Time, once again, to learn a little lesson from those crazy cats...

BUT THANKSGIVING IS THURSDAY

NOT IN CAT TOWN, IN CAT TOWN ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN SO IT'S THANKSGIVING TODAY

DINGDONG HEAD

One step closer to roadkill.

My application was approved. If I don't show up to the written exam, I am immediately disqualified. I'm not sure what to do with this information.

Bona fide Friday five.

Five things making me happy right now, in no particular order:

• O Valencia! playing on iTunes (how can a song about death and gangs be such a foot tapping melodious treat?)
• one more day of work till no more days of work till 11/27 (boy could I write a Friday five about why I hate work right now, and one guy in particular would be #1)
  
• two more episodes of Lost to absorb tonight (still no sign of why the fat guy is still fat... and where the heck is the pregnant chick? I've got a theory - that it's the French gal - and that guy Ethan - no something isn't right here)
• homemade pizza dough in the oven, making my apartment smell lovely (and homemade pizza will shortly ensue)
  
• Cameron and JT are still going strong... at least someone in Hollywood is giving us hope
  

Way more effective than leadership telling you that you're great.

Got a random IM today from a distant (as in far away distant, not emotionally distant) coworker friend saying "oh hey by the way I married that guy I told you about earlier this year that I met on match! so what's up with your romantic search?"

I had to reply "congrats! yeah not much on my end." But it did incite me to post something on CraigsList this evening just for fun. I was blatantly honest in my post and, as a result, did not expect a whole lot of replies.

Less than an hour later, I have seven replies, at least five of which appear to be honest potentials.

Even if I don't ever follow up with any of them, I now officially love the man who invented CraigsList.

Is it just me...

... or is it really weird to hear Peter Gibbons from Office Space talking with Zoe from Firefly as background TV noise while you're surfing the internet?

"Maybe when I retire, I can finally chase the dream."

So this just reminded me of my only beef (no pun intended) with Lost. I have watched about half of season one, and I keep wondering...

(Digression: I apologize for the complete un-PC-ness of this post, but really, there is no other way to ask this question. End of digression.)

WHY IS THE FAT GUY STILL FAT??

I mean, come on! You've spent seven days on a desert island, you're sweating ALL THE TIME, there's barely any water for anyone and you're probably just eating fruit and roasted wild boar...

A friend at work said it would all be explained soon enough. But by Biggest Loser standards, the other people should've already wasted away to nothing, and the fat guy should be visibly smaller. So I'm VERY curious to hear this "explanation."

Otherwise though, loving the show.

Cliff's notes.

I bet that if I were to ever read Moby Dick, I would be writing the exact same things.

Really early Friday five.

Top five cold, rainy, windy day songs, in no particular order (except maybe #1, which I actually listened to nine times in a row this morning starting with the bus ride to work):

1. The Island - The Decemberists
2. Closedown - The Cure
3. Styrofoam Plates - Death Cab for Cutie
4. Starla - Smashing Pumpkins
   
5. Govinda - Kula Shaker
   

Super bonus really early Friday five! Top five rain-themed songs, in no particular order (except maybe #1 because it almost made the list above):

1. Purple Rain - Prince
2. S. Central Rain - REM
3. Rainy Days and Mondays - Cracker remix
4. No Rain (stripped away version) - Blind Melon
5. Dry the Rain - Beta Band

Honorable mention to Buckets of Rain, which didn't make the list because it's a love song. Bah. But still a great song.

OK, um, NO!

I tried so hard to get Her Majesty to dance along with me to OK Go's Here It Goes Again when it played on my iTunes while I was making dinner. I was even doing their dance moves (sans treadmills) and everything.

She was less than interested.

Beta breaker.

I have finally succumbed to Blogger's Beta version, only because I've been envious of other blogs with labels. So now you can revisit any Friday(ish) Five to your heart's content. I think two were actually published on a Friday!

However, now I've lost my Spinning and Strangers/Friends links and I can't figure out where to re-insert them in the template. And I'm too lazy to spend any more time on this.

So, if you don't know who I frequently listen to, that means all my music posts will be lost on you anyway. And if you don't know who I frequently read, that means you don't read them so it probably doesn't matter.

Oh yeah. It's all about ME. That's right.

I might not have rhythm...

... but damn, these guys do. My ears are still ringing and I missed my 10K run this morning, but it's so worth it.

A bug's life.

I loved Microcosmos when it first came out. At the time the photography was groundbreaking, and the concept was pretty original too. I saw it in college at the student union and you should've heard the cheering when that dung beetle finally, after about 20 attempts, got his package up that hill! I eventually bought it and watch it periodically when I need some perspective on life. (The former cat used to love it because there's very little narration, just nature sights and sounds.)

So I was happy to run across this 2-disc series from Netflix and in between obsessing with Lost, I have learned that:

• all wasps are total bastards
• ants are even dumber than cows - but they can doggie paddle
• spider webs are even more fascinating than I originally thought, and baby spiders are soooo cute (so are baby walking sticks)
  
• David Attenborough can be quite a goofball
• and lots of other things
  

Even if you think bugs are disgusting (which - spiders and caterpillars aside - I do too), you should check it out. You will not be disappointed.

The black hole of consumerism.

So I was running some errands today and stopped by Costco for hand soap, dishwashing detergent and tomato paste.

I walked out with $157 of purchases. They get me EVERY TIME!!!

Because I love a challenge. Well, not really, but this sounded interesting.

Via friend of friend of friend. (Skipping the "quik" blog since my blog is pretty much already a "quik" blog.) I have to say I felt a bit like Frankenstein answering these, but it was fun.

Answer the following 25 questions in two-word phrases.

1. Explain what ended your last relationship.
Loved me. Scared him. Dumped me. Fucking bastard.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Armpits today. Legs Saturday.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Shushing cat. Hitting snooze.

4. Were you any good at math?
Until calculus. Differential equations. First "D." Only "D." Yes, ever.

5. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Riding bus. Picturing dinner. And wine.

6. Your prom night?
No date. Friendly outing. Bad music. Bad food. Good memories.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Not sure. Part Cherokee. (Small part. Very small.) It's likely.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Yes, several. Paid off.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
"Yucky yucky. Hate myspace. No account." (Stole that. Fit perfectly.)

10. Last thing received in the mail?
Bank statement. BevMo coupon.

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Hot coffee. Lukewarm water.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Rarely call. Usually email. But yes.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Neil Diamond. Mom's fave. Age four. (My age. Not Mom's. Or Neil's.)

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Um, no. Age 31.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Root canal. Laughing gas. Much novocaine. Little pain. That said. Mental pain. Hearing drill. Seeing smoke. Feeling pressure. Jaw open. For HOURS. Owwie ow.

16. What is out your back door?
Balcony plants. Bus stop. Street noise. (I rent.)

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Lost, wine. Annie's alfredo. Chik'n strips.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Which ocean? Atlantic ocean? Dirty water. Trashy beaches. Humidity sucks. Pacific ocean? Love it. Hair notwithstanding.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Uncle Harry. Age ten. Lasted years. And years. Got stale. Really stale. Birds ate.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Valentine's Day. Long ago. Great date. Meteor shower.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Of course.

22. Some things you are excited about?
The weekend. The Mutaytor. Thanksgiving vacation. New prospects. New hope. Dem House. Dem Senate. Satan resigning. Good friends. Good times.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Don't know. Strawberry banana? Oh yes. Jello mold. With marshmallows. And pineapple. Thanksgiving staple!

24. Describe your keychain(s)?
Many keys. Mini wrench. Volunteer memorabilia. Marathon memorabilia.

25. Where do you keep your change?
Glove box. Wooden box. My wallet. Pennies suck!

On this date in previous years:

• Nov 10, 2005: bitched about work. Thanked my lucky stars.
  
• Beyond that, though, I'm not really sure. I haven't kept very good records.
  

Note to self.

Next time an illness occurs, be sure to have several seasons of an unwatched TV series on hand. Daytime TV is total CRAP.

Although I did get to see Jamie Oliver on Martha today.

________________
Yeah, yeah, I should be reading. What of it?

I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it, Bob.

Another couch day. I'm feeling better, and I know that stress doesn't really contribute to ulcers, but since I'm pretty sure I don't have an ulcer I figure I should avoid all stress for one more day and really rest up for the 3-day week of stress that's ahead of me.

It's that kind of backwards logic that got me where I am today. Jealous, you are.

HOLD THE PHONE!!

The Queery Eye guys are GAY?? GET THE HELL OUT!!! Other shockers - are you sitting down?? - include RuPaul, Bruce Vilanch, John Waters, Alan Cumming and kd lang.

I can't believe WCBSTV.com actually put together a slide show of gay celebrities. I can't believe they actually called it "it's in to be out." Tell that to all the people who are constantly harrassed, discriminated against, bludgeoned to death because of who they date. What people do in their own lives is their own damn business. (Well... except Reese and Ryan, of course. And those creepy 80-year old men who marry twenty-somethings... and vice versa... yeesh.)

Curse you, Alex Blagg. Curse you and the horse you rode in on.

Signed,
Your most loyal fan

Belated Friday Five.

Five things I learned about ulcers today:

1. Most ulcers are caused by an infection, not spicy food, acid or stress.
2. Having Type O blood increases your risk of getting a stomach ulcer. (But it's the type of blood that saves the babies!)
3. One in 10 Americans develops an ulcer at some time in his or her life, usually between 30 and 50 yrs old.
   
4. Stomach ulcers develop more often in women than men - but men are more likely to get duodenal ulcers, so we're even.
5. Pictures of ulcers are really, really disgusting.
   

After further examining all the symptoms, I also learned that I don't think I have a stomach ulcer. Back to square one on the self-diagnosis.

Thank God for YouTube.

In case you missed it at the Fillmore, or at the Download Festival, or last weekend on SNL... This is one of the absolute coolest things I have ever seen at a concert.

The marionettes were cool, but this was way cooler.

Proof that I will watch anything that includes Nathan Fillion.

After almost every meal since Friday, I have had sharp pangs in my stomach for no apparent reason. I was worried for a while that I might have an ulcer.

Slither showed me that I don't actually have an ulcer. In fact, I have a parasite worm from outer space, which has installed itself in my brain and will eventually cause me to transform into a creepy monster.

WHEW!

Oh, and owwww...

The yin and yang of fine filmmaking.

Running with Scissors: a heartbreakingly beautiful adaptation of an impossible-to-believe-but-alleged memoire. Sidenote... It took me looking it up on IMDB to realize that was Joseph Fiennes. He slums it pretty good.

Borat - Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: a mindnumbingly genius, disturbing, and at times downright nauseating tale of a foreign man's journey across the "U S and A." High five to Sasha Cohen for bringing back the most underrated victory sign ever! Sidenote... someone I saw it with today said that the fraternity guy's parents were suing because the movie made their son look like an idiot. Um, YEAH. IT WAS THE MOVIE that made your son look like an idiot, NOT YOUR IDIOT SON.

I love a challenge.

I recently lost two houseplants to unknown causes. (I'm sure the facts that I buy houseplants at Longs, and water them rather sporadically, have NOTHING to do with it.)

Today I finally remembered to buy new plants... one is a normal leafy houseplant, the other is a snake plant. In addition to its name (snake plants on a $&%*# plane!!), it was purchased because the tag said "very hard to kill."

HA. We'll see about that!

And in today's TV news.

Doogie Howser is gay. I am so glad he came out. How I Met Your Mother is a good show too. Not just because he and Willow are in it, either. Watch it.

Scrubs, for those of you who don't know, is (was?) a really freakin' good show. I am a recent convert, having dismissed the show for many years due to sitcom mania and old friends in sororities who love the show (therefore disqualifying it in my day-to-day TV watching), and having only seen recent reruns at the 7:30 hour on Comedy Central before the Daily Show nightly rerun. But yeah - one episode of Zach Braff not knowing what to do with himself after all his friends are in relationships - it's even better than Grey's Anatomy. (Which I also love.)

And also - don't be fooled. LOST is as addictive as they say. I only got through the first DVD with the pilot and two episodes, but let me tell you - I AM HOOKED.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't crack.

When I got to the bus stop this morning, there was an older gentleman sitting on the bench smoking a cigarette. I took my usual post under these circumstances (30 feet from the bus stop, in the shade, far away from the cigarette smoke) and proceeded to watch as he pulled out a stick of... something... and whittled off a bit of that into his half-smoked cigarette. After finishing his smoke, he went straight to the stick of whatever and lit that, and smoked it as well. He then went into some kind of seizure of coughing fits and spitting fits and smoking more of the stick of... whatever. Then he turned to the woman who was blatantly trying to ignore him, asked the time, lit up another cigarette, and went on his way. The only thing I could think, given my limited exposure to illegal drugs, was that it was straight hash lined with something evil.

It was quite surreal to see this at 8:45am on a Wednesday. Put a whole new perspective on the day.