It's not that I'm bored with this "writing" project.

Pardon me while I ramble with no real point to speak of. One or more readers will admire the excessive use of commas contained within.

Despite my lack of posts, I'm not bored with this blog. I have much to say, in fact. It's just that I'm very, very tired of staring at a computer screen by the time I get home at night, so I opt for the television screen instead. I expected to spend more time on the phone every day, and that's been fine, but I'm constantly surprised at how much time I spend on the computer.

This has been a good week, so far. Either I've been able to successfully (and permanently) remind myself that it's just a job, or I've come to terms with the "bad" and I'm trying to just deal with that and get it out of the way, while focusing on the more interesting and rewarding "good." I still have doubts that I will be in this job for more than a year, but this week I'm more optimistic, and change takes so damn much time and I want to be there to see it through, and I completely admire and respect all the people I work with. So we'll see. I can't believe it's already been 4.5 months and yet it feels like 9 years.

When I'm down about the job, as I was last week (7/9 was by far the hardest morning I've ever had getting up - EVER - I kid you not) I tend to drift toward thinking about all the people who were so supportive of this move who I don't want to let down. And then I get annoyed with myself because this shouldn't be about them, it should be about ME, dammit, but still I don't want to let them down. So I get mad at them and blame my unhappiness on them and peruse jobs in Portland, because God forbid I just quit a job because I'm not happy and find another job in the same city where I might run into former coworkers. Nooo. Must flee.

But then I have a week like this week, and really good, productive conversations with my coworkers and clients, and somehow it seems tolerable. I guess it's all about balancing the bad with the good, and making an effort to celebrate the good because in social service-type work it comes so rarely. I've also been reading The Tao of Pooh which - you will laugh but it's true - has helped my mental state immensely. I can't wait to move on to The Te of Piglet.

All this said, my dream job (if I MUST work, which it appears I must, sigh) continues to be veterinarian and I've been pondering how to get there within 10 years.

Damn you, biochemistry. Damn you and the injured horse you rode in on.