Hey Ma! I didn't fall asleep!

I have (sadly) shunned John Cusack movies of late, but when something wins anything at Sundance I feel morally obligated to check it out. I'm not sure if the 90 pounds and "dad glasses" he put on for his role in Grace Is Gone added to my experience watching this movie... The girls playing his daughters were pretty great too, and overall it was most definitely watchable. Catch it on TNT or USA, because that's surely its next stop.

Taking a break from anti-Iraq-war movies to re-watch Freaks and Geeks, AKA those great people before Judd Apatow got his grubby hands on them.

[Ed. note - turns out, Judd Apatow is responsible for Freaks and Geeks. But why do I love it so? The world is an imperfect place.]

Incidentally, why didn't anyone tell me that Kevin Smith was responsible for Zack and Miri Make a Porno? I totally would've gone to see it... at the $3 theater. I might just have to hold out for this next genius endeavor. The song itself is awesomely bad.

On that note - go Penguins!

"You still picking your feet in Poughkeepsie?"

I gave The French Connection 30 whole minutes. Never did find out why they kept asking that question. I kept thinking I should really like it, given my obsession with The Wire and my obscene until-now-closet-crush on Roy Scheider. (The way he kills that shark the first time... sigh. RIP Roy.)

It came down to me not being able to watch more than 30 seconds at a time of Gene Hackman, which for me, has been true of any movie he's been in (except for The Conversation, for some reason - that was a great movie). For the life of me I couldn't put my finger on why, so I googled all his past roles.

None stood out, in fact I haven't even seen most of these movies except... Ohhhhh. Lex Luthor in the original Superman. It's all clear now!

But to add fuel to my fire, he was originally offered the leads in Jaws, Close Encounters of the First Kind, Raiders of the Lost Ark, (allegedly) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Silence of the Lambs, and... the Brady Bunch?... (seriously?)... but turned them down due to insufficient salary offerings.

So that's why I love Jake Gyllenhaal and not Gene Hackman. I don't care who picks their feet where.

And... scene.

Holy bad movie reviewer, Batman.

I just realized I am miserably behind on Netflix reviews. Deep breath... and away we go.

This Is England: A charming little story about a fatherless English lad who falls in with some skinheads, gets involved with a much older girl, and is taken under the wing of a militant psychotic. OK, perhaps not charming, but very well written, directed, and acted (by everyone, but particularly the lad) and apparently somewhat true to the writer/director's life. Not to make cliche comparisons, but if you appreciated American History X you would probably appreciate this one too.

December Boys: Finally, a Daniel Radcliffe movie not about a wizard. I was actually impressed with this little sleeper about four orphans trying to find a home. I may have actually shed a tear or two at one point. Fans of the Cider House Rules (or Annie) would probably like it.

Youth without Youth: One of those "seemed like a good idea when I queued it" flicks. It sat on my TV for about four weeks, until I finally gave in and sent it back without even giving it the 20-minute test. I bet it was awesome, because most things Tim Roth touches are awesome, but...

Evening: Other than the all-star cast, what was I thinking? Again, sat sat sat and got sent back.

PU-239: Guy gets blamed for a radioactive accident he didn't cause (or did he?!), guy tries to make a buck so his wife and kid are supported after he inevitably dies of radiation poisoning from the accident, guy hooks up with goofball mafia failure in his effort to make said buck. Quite better than I expected, and I already had high expectations given a friend's review. The story was moving but there was enough subtle (and not-so-subtle) humor to keep it entertaining without being too heavy, and the end was predictable but justified. Two more thumbs up. In keeping with the theme, fans of... let's see... I actually think fans of Six Feet Under would like this one. Or Breaking Bad, not that I've seen that (yet) but it seems to follow the vibe, from what I hear.

Eastern Promises: I didn't care for the first half hour, even after Viggo's sauna scene, but then it got GOOD. Then again, I am terrible at predicting plot twists so I was taken aback and pleasantly surprised. And then the end sucked. But the part in the middle of all that was worth my time and attention. Fans of mystery/mafia flicks would like this one. I'm generally not, so I don't have any good examples. The Conversation, maybe?

The Hoax: Put it on in the background at the suggestion of another friend. Too much drama going on. Didn't care about any of the characters. Turned off and sent back.

The Prophecy: OK - Christopher Walken, Eric Stoltz, Viggo Mortensen and Adam Goldberg in a movie about the second world war in heaven, where Goldberg plays Walken's sarcastic sidekick (hardly a stretch but still hilarious), Stoltz is uncharacteristically Mr. Moody yet still oh-so-charming, and Viggo eats someone's heart? Why did it take me almost 15 years to see this? I liked. I liked very much. Fans of any of the aforementioned actors, or of Dogma or religious yarns in general would probably enjoy this.

Stop-Loss: I *promise* that it was completely an accident that I watched this Memorial Day Eve. I know it seems like something I would plan, or something, but it was totally happenstance. I think I only rented it to see what all the fuss was about Phillippe and Cornish, and I just happened to take it along on my road trip along with the next movie in the list. But it was a very well-done story about a soldier finishing up his tour after leading several buddies to their death or demise, only to be told he had to go back for another, and his attempts to thwart this fate. Interesting, sad and predictable, but worth a viewing if you're remotely interested. Phillippe always impresses me when I least expect it. Which is kind of all the time. Maybe I should change my expectations of him. It's along the Born on the Fourth of July lines, without an annoying lead actor.

The Tracey Fragments: Ever since Juno, I've wanted to love everything that Ellen Page does. But Smart People bugged me, and this one was way too clever - or just too distracting - for me. I couldn't follow it so I turned it off. It probably didn't help that I put it on at 11pm three nights in a row when I was really tired, and I was watching it on my teeny portable DVD player, but still...

The French Connection: Yeah, yeah, I'm just now getting around to this. Only took me 38 years. We shall soon see...

That's all for now. Go forth and view.

Early Wednesday three.

I got some great sign photos this weekend, which I'll post in a Friday five, maybe. But three signs I missed getting photos of, due to not wanting a traffic ticket for an illegal U-turn across a double yellow line - or more likely, due to my just being lazy - in no particular order, were:

• Wet Willy's Car Wash (outside of Bend)
• "Poles Galore, Etc" - apparently a roadside shop that sells bamboo poles to hold up your newly planted trees, plus some "galore" and a little "etc."
  
• the ironically named "NW Wimp Way" intersection - "in a very unsafe location, given it is at the end of a grade from the railroad bridge, speeds are high, and there is a history of several crashes"

I love small towns.

Marc-André Fleury is my God, right after Joss Whedon, but...

If you don't already know that I'm a bit of an atheist, well - I'm a bit of an atheist. I loosely follow the animism theory, that all things - from tomatoes to snakes to rocks to people - have souls and deserve the utmost respect. (Except ants. HATE. THOSE. ANTS. And maybe flying cockroaches.)

This weekend I found myself uncharacteristically praying on two separate occasions, for two very different reasons. In one situation, I'd hiked to the top of Smith Rock. Most of the way up was fine, but then I reached a point where I was hiking at what felt like a 65 degree angle, upward, for about 40 minutes. This plus hiking 12 miles in sand two days prior pretty much killed both of my Achilles tendons. (None of this really caught up to me until mid-day yesterday when it was too late - it still hurts to walk, but it was worth every minute, and yesterday at noon I got to do this for an hour:

... so there was that.)

Anyway, this part of the trek is called "Misery Ridge," and rightfully so. I am used to steep trails at high elevations, but the ones I'm used to have lots of trees and brush to cushion either side should an ankle twist or a rock trip you up. Misery Ridge eeks alongside the edge of the cliff with nothing between you and the ground ~800 feet below you, except nice hard dirt and a bumpy ride.

I have no fear of heights. However, I have a definite fear of falling. I think this is a healthy fear, but it does put a mental strain on hikes like this. The views were breathtaking:

And in the end it was easy enough to lean forward and left into the cliff, and I made it to the top with minimal stress and lots of great photos.

Only to realize that now, I had to get down. Shit.

The down trail also eeks alongside the edge of the cliff with nothing between you and the ground ~800 feet below you, only this is a much steeper fall. Going down, leaning back would likely cause the rocks under your feet to scatter, leaving you scrambling. But you do have the luxury of stairs on the loose, sandy, rocky trail:

... which actually made it even more mentally challenging. When I reached this staircase (about 1/3 of the way down) I stopped and prayed. It was more a cheerleader prayer - "if I make it down this cliff, I can do anything! I can do this!", repeat ad nauseum, but there was definitely some "please God" thrown in there for good measure.

As I knew I would, I made it down without even a slip. And I immediately made a mental note to interrogate my friend about this alleged July 4th weekend Mt. Adams climb and what I should mentally prepare for. Never mind physicalities - with a little preparation, I can get through those just fine. But what will mentally stop me in my tracks, what will be my wall on that climb? During marathon training and the actual run, it was always mile 16. On Mt. Adams, will it be the ice? The false summits? The 5,500th foot of elevation?

The other time I prayed was at the sports bar downtown on Saturday night. I just wanted to watch some hockey. I chose a spot at the bar away from everyone else, right in front of the TV, and fixed my eyes on the game, only speaking to the bartender when he asked if I wanted another beer or some food. Before I knew it, two drunken yahoos old enough to be (at least) my dad were bothering me, asking me every question under the sun, when it was clear that a) I wasn't interested in talking to them, b) I was just there to watch the game, c) I was not really interested in taking down your number so that we could have a drink "again" tomorrow and d) NO I WILL NOT DO A SHOT WITH YOU now go put the convertible top up on your car so your three dogs sitting there waiting for you don't get struck by lightening in this sudden thunderstorm you drunk asshat moron!

I love overtime. It's fun, it gets the adrenaline rushing, it brings out some good fights. However. In that situation, I prayed like hell for no overtime. And my prayer was answered, in a 6-2 smashing victory. So thank you, whoever pulled that one off. (Ahem, Fleury, ahem.)

Woo to the hoo.

If that's not a good weekend exploring Bend, I don't know what is.

About Rachel.

Tomorrow is my last acting class (thank God - it's been fun but it's just not for me) and we are having a cocktail party with various characters we portrayed last week. One of the characters I played last week was a young woman who was napping when her date knocked on her door to take her to a show. I guess she was a bit neurotic, and always late for everything, and very apologetic but all with a high level of energy. Kind of like Rachel from Friends, so that's what I named her when I was assigned that character for this week's class. I'm going to make her socially awkward too - since I play that in real life it should be an easy transition.

We have to be prepared to talk about memories of this character from ages 5, 9, 13 and 21, and one of those memories has to be something embarrassing, and another something romantic. We also have to have a quote that inspires this character. Since I put this off for a full week and have no interest in doing this now, I figured a blog post about "Rachel" might make this whole process a little easier. After all, I'm a writer, not an actor. So...

When Rachel was 5 years old, she was playing with her older brother and his friends the next street over from their house. Her older brother had the bright idea of making his friend kiss her on the nose. This idea appalled Rachel, and she screamed and threw a fit, which caused the other boys to grab her tightly, push her toward this friend (who was just as appalled) and execute this horrid activity. After it was over, she walked home the long way, crying her eyes out, and it took several months before she would play with that group of kids again. She was already a shy kid - having just gotten over crying when strangers talked to her at the grocery store - and this exacerbated the situation immensely. She recently reconnected with the boy (thanks, Facebook!) and they shared a good laugh - apparently, it was as embarrassing to him as it was to her.

[OK, in this memory, I am Rachel and all of this actually happened.]

When Rachel was 9 years old, her grandmother died. This was her last living grandparent, and her mother and grandmother were incredibly close. Seeing her mother, the strong vibrant woman she knew and loved, instantly so distraught was confusing and upsetting to Rachel. Seeing her mother bounce back and be the strong vibrant woman she knew and loved through the viewing, funeral, and subsequent parental house cleanse and sale was inspiring to Rachel. This experience affected her deeply and was the turning point from her being socially withdrawn to being more outgoing as well as the rock her friends could count on in times of need.

[Only sort of me. Grandma did pass away around this age, and it sort of had this effect on my mother.]

When Rachel was 13, she got braces. She only had to wear them for a year, and they hurt her mouth like hell the entire year, but that was neither the worse nor the worst of it. The worse of it was one day at school, after eating a slice of oh-so-healthy cafeteria pizza, when someone pointed out that her lunch was stuck in her braces. To this day, all food must be cut up into bite-sized portions lest something get stuck in her teeth. The worst of it was her older brother, now at the awful teenage taunting age, walking around the house saying "not with this brace face and gross hair!" every single second of every single day. Well, at least it felt like it was every single day.

[I was 12. But, same difference. I tried to find the milk commercial on this site but quickly lost patience. Brother was also fond of saying "pretty sneaky, sis" which I repeat ad nauseum to this day though... So there's that.]

When Rachel was 21, her boyfriend Josh proposed. They had been dating for three years, and in the third year had discussed marriage off and on but neither had ever committed any solid interest in it. One night they stayed in to watch TV instead of seeing a band (their usual outing) and while flipping through the channels, Rachel ran across When Harry Met Sally. They were both suckers for this movie, and watched the whole thing reciting lines word for word. At the end, after Harry runs to get to the NYE party to tell Sally he loves her, Josh said (still staring at the TV) "I think we should get married." Rachel turned to look at him, and he looked at her, and then she kissed him at the exact moment Harry and Sally kissed. "So, this means yes?" Josh asked afterward. "Yes," she replied.

They planned a prolonged engagement due to student loan debt and being so young (Rachel wisely wanted to be sure they would still feel the same in a year, in two years, after living with each other.) Instead of a ring, Rachel wanted a better TV for movie nights. So they started saving. A month later, Josh was diagnosed with pulmonary embolism and thoracic outlet syndrome. During his hospital stay, Rachel arranged for the hospital clergyman to wed them in a private ceremony. Josh died the following week of a blood clot.

Rachel dated sporadically in the years following Josh's death, but never truly committed to anyone or anything - people, jobs, places. Josh's death made her realize that life was short, and making the most of it was her job on this planet. Work was just a way to support her exploring habit.

[Other than work supporting exploring... I AM SO NOT A ROMANTIC. Jesus. Oh and also, I watch too much House. And too much E! - today I learned that one of the Mmmm-Bop brothers had pulmonary embolism and almost died.]

Rachel's quote: "Dashboard melted but we still have the radio" - Modest Mouse... Music drives and inspires her, and she is able to find five things that don't suck about every day that sucks overall.

[Totally me.]

Belated Friday five.

Five things that did not suck this week, in no particular order:

• Watching the Penguins move on to the next playoff series. And seeing all the swear words and ":(" FB stati from all the Caps fans. Suckers! (Wait, did I say that out loud?)
  
• Geeking out at an excel class, followed by two hours in an amazing Goodwill where all the yuppie people and yuppie department stores donate their clothes (a pair of not-Old-Navy jeans, a work-friendly shirt, a glass sautee pan lid and a vase for $12! I had forgotten how much I loved thrift store shopping), followed by an amazing soup place in the Goodwill strip mall that serves huge wonderful bowls of soup for $3.25...
  
• ... followed by free tickets to an excellent show at the Doug Fir. Hooray for elitism (Yelp stylie).
• Ben Folds at the Roseland. Finally, finally, finally, I saw this guy (and his band). About three songs in, I was dubious - it sounded just like the CDs and looked nothing like what I'd seen on youtube clips. But then he confessed to having a migraine, which he gets about twice a year, and popped a couple anti-migraine pills... OK, when I get a migraine (also about twice a year), the most I can do is get up to wet a washcloth with cold water, stumble back to bed and put it over my eyes along with the blankets... But he was up there jamming under strobe lights and a screaming crowd, and suddenly his pain pills kicked in and it looked exactly like what I'd seen on youtube clips. Migraine WIN!
  
• Doing nothing other than catching up on Lost (no matter how lame the show has become) on a Saturday night. Two late nights in a row? I'm old, people. Bloody old and bloody tired.

Muahahaha! Ha. Ha.

The warm up for tonight's acting class* was to adopt a particular character, then do "the wave" around the room where everyone repeats your character's move.

One of the characters was "Mad Scientist" so I naturally went straight to Dr. Horrible. Unfortunately I was last in line, so by the time the "wave" got to me, someone had stolen the gist of the "ahahahahahaha ah-hahahahaha-hahahaha!" laugh, and the freeze ray bit would've been lost on these people anyway. So I had to settle for something out of Young Frankenstein.

But still. Best Mad Scientist laugh ever! Just watch for 20 seconds. (Um, and then watch the whole thing if you haven't yet. It's amazing.)

________________
* Best thing I've learned from this acting class, which thankfully ends next week? I'm a writer, not an actor. So there's that. Eight missed House episodes, $80 and something to cross off the not-bucket-list to learn this... I'm OK with that.

Why I like hockey - a short essay.

I am not a sports fan. I've been known to watch the Superbowl fairly regularly, and a rainy Sunday afternoon football game on occasion. But other than that, my life does not revolve around ESPN, or any other TV channel for that matter... that is, until May(ish).

I have no patience for keeping up with an entire hockey season - the number of regular season games rivals that of the most boring sport on earth after golf (baseball). But I always check out the playoffs. Since no one seems to understand why Jen(n) the artistic pacifist enjoys ice hockey, I thought I would try to explain:

Because there's fights. Knock-down, punch-you-in-the-face fights.

~ The end. ~

No, just kidding. That's only part of it.

(But it is part of it.)

I was watching game 6 of the second series playoffs between the Washington Capitals and the Pittsburgh Penguins (GO PENS!*) tonight. Although this was a particularly sloppy game, somewhere along the line it hit me.

Did you ever see that movie "The Cutting Edge"? No? Me neither.** But I suspect that hockey is a lot like what they tried to do with that movie. Often times gritty, rough and impossible to follow, occasionally incredibly graceful, skilled and eloquent. You try skating backwards carrying a puck, doing a perfect 180 wrist flip goal shot followed by a purposeful full-on collision into the glass complements of an opponent, and you'll see what I mean.

(We played floor hockey in middle school PE class, and I loved watching and learning the game but I hated haTED HATED playing. Mostly because the guy I had a crush on was my team's captain, and I was scared of getting hit by the puck but also didn't want us to lose, so I weaseled my way through many a game. But the sport itself fascinated me even then.)

And yes, there are times in the NHL when they thrown down sticks and just start punching the crap out of each other, and that's pretty awesome. I don't watch boxing - hitting someone for entertainment's sake is stupid. But getting caught up in the passion of the game, the win, and defending teammates who were wrongfully slashed or hip-checked or tripped... it's exhilarating. Especially because they have all that padding, so the worst that can happen is a black eye or... broken jaw or lost tooth or... OK never mind. It's exhilarating!

All this overtime from this series and the previous series against the Flyers is about to give me a heart attack, so I'm hoping that Wednesday's game ends cleanly and on time... and in the Pens' favor.

If not, no love lost, GO CAPS and I can officially cancel cable once and for all (Comcast finally realized I'm no longer qualified for their 6-month introductory offer). And begin the search for stellar sports bars for this time next year.

________________
* Yes, given my roots, I am supposed to be rooting for the Caps, but I am all about the Flightless Birds. It's something else to blame on my college boyfriend. And boy, am I getting shit for it on Facebook...

** Just to be clear. I have seen 13 Going on 30 and Hope Floats nineteen million times, but I have NEVER seen The Cutting Edge. Promise.

Belated Friday five (hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes).

Thursday marked my one-year anniversary in the fine town of Portland. Job aside, I couldn't be happier with my decision. Five favorite Portlandish things from the last year include:

• discovering the wonder that is the Columbia River Gorge
  
• Musicfest Northwest (13 bands + 9 venues + 4 days = AWESOME)
  
• remembering that there is a season called "fall"
  
• snowpocalypse '08
• the Wednesday farmer's market at SW Park blocks (which started back up this week, woohoo!)

What were five favorite things from the last year where you live? (If you can't think of any, why are you still living there?)

Spam a lot.

For some reason I've been surrounded by SPAM lately. And I don't mean the annoying emails or the amusing Broadway musical - I mean the actual disgusting product that is known as SPAM.

First sighting was mandatory fun day a few months ago - all kinds of 1970s products (including SPAM) were offered for consumption.

Today I noticed that a (vegetarian) coworker had a can of SPAM on his shelf... and I inquired, but got no legitimate reply.

Walking home tonight I saw this:

OK, Portland. More SPAM in 4 months than I have seen in 34 years of life. What gives?

Sooooooooo Portland.

Is this one of the ten commandments? A random SE Portland request? You be the judge.

Me ABCs.

A - Age: 34 (I had to argue with the doctor recently to come to this conclusion)
B - Bed size: full
C - Chore you hate: laundry
D - Dogs or cats: ... well, duh
E - Essential start your day item: 94.7 fm
F - Favorite color: orange
G - Gold or Silver: silver
H - Height: 5'4"
I - Instruments you play: a couple of chords on the geeeetar
J - Job title: spreadsheet monkey
K - Kids: no thank you, but I love everyone else's
L - Loud or quiet: quiet
M - Mom's name: virginia
N - Nicknames: shaf, nnej
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: once, in college for an unidentified abdominal pain
P - Pet Peeve: turning drivers who inch up on you when you're crossing the street on the walk sign - is that 3 seconds REALLY going to get you there any faster, jackass?
Q - Quote from a movie: "life's like a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending..."
R - Right or left handed: right
S - Siblings: brother
T - Time you wake up: 6:00 am
U- Umbrella*: yes... still haven't acclimated to the no umbrella rule
V - Vegetable you dislike: lima beans... that might actually be the only one
W - Weight: according to my cheap Target scale, 124, and while I don't believe it, I'm not arguing with it
X - X-rays you've had: teeth numerous times, abdomen (see overnight hospital stay above)
Y - Yummy food you make: any food I make is yummy, to me anyway - I just don't "make" food very often
Z - Zoo favorite: giraffes

________________
* Original U was underwear. What kind of answer does one put for that, other than "yes"? So I changed it.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

This, via icanhascheezburger.com...

Very reminiscent of this.

Oh, and also. I saw Coraline today. Can someone explain what all the fuss was about? I assume it was the animation, but from a novice's eye it looked no better or worse than any Pixar movie I've seen lately. But perhaps I was distracted by the 3-year old behind me who kept begging his mom to go home because the movie was clearly distressing him.

Where is that "you oughta have a license to be a parent" Facebook group... and get off my lawn!

But seriously, for a moment.

It's a bad sign when the 7am Sunday morning call from Mom is "just" that her brother passed away last night. Not to be callous - he was a great man, my favorite uncle perhaps, but his wife passed away last summer and they were that type of couple that it was really just a matter of time before he joined her.

It's just that I was sure this time, that it would be about my dad. I'm dreading that call immensely.

I'm also dreading any decisions I will need to make related to that. Deciding to put Her Majesty down last week was a pretty intense experience. Having the power to decide whether something lived or died, not being certain I was making the right call despite all the falling down and not eating and pathetic whiny mews, wishing she could speak actual words and let me know it was OK, that it was time. Watching her go was surreal. It happened so fast, and I felt helpless and relieved and sad and regretful all at once.

Having to do that with a person? I think I would throw up. But would that be worse than finding a parent who had passed, as my uncle's daughter did this morning?

When the time comes I'm sure I will deal with it however necessary, and worrying about it now isn't going to make it any easier. For now, I'll just worry about how to pay for the ticket back east. Eighteen months is too long to go without seeing your family.