Misty water-colored memories.

Having nothing better to do, and enjoying that fact immensely, I was perusing the channel 11 program listings right before 8pm tonight. I noticed that The Dukes of Hazzard was on at 8pm on the Country Music Network. Or CMT, whatever that stands for. I've deprogrammed the CMT from my cable scanning so that I don't even have to see it when I skip through, so this was particularly interesting. And I had a moment.

Between the ages of 6-8, The Dukes of Hazzard WAS my Friday night. It came on at 8pm, and it was unusual for my parents to let us watch TV after 8pm at that point in my life. (I recall a random time now and then when I caught a SNL episode, which was VERY unusual at that point in my life. I can't recall which episodes I was actually able to witness as a young gal but the Mr Robinson's Neighborhood, James Brown parody and Shark Candy Delivery episodes were very familiar when I saw them later in life, so I can only presume.)

Anyway, my parents made an exception for the Dukes, for whatever reason. (Probably because my dad was huge Waylon Jennings fan, and my folks were both country when country wasn't cool.) It was a huge deal. My mom would make popcorn, and my brother and I would lay on the floor in front of the TV and eat popcorn out of those wooden bowls that still live in my parents' cabinet, and we would watch Luke and Bo get out of whatever ridiculous situation Roscoe P. Coltrane or Boss Hogg got them into each week.

We even had an insult for each other - "you're like Roscoe P Coltrane - you PEE in your COLE TRAIN hahaha." We had no idea what it meant, but we said it regardless.

And I recall going to a county fair, and playing one of those games where you have to shoot enough water into the clown's mouth, or get a ping-pong ball into a milk bottle, or pick the right rubber duck, and anyway I won a prize. For my prize I chose a poster of Daisy Duke because I thought she was just THE SHIT. I had a huge crush on Luke Duke when I was 6-12 years old, but I seemed to notice that Daisy Duke was able to get them out of all sorts of trouble using her wits and/or her feminine wiles. So I chose her poster.

[Now that I think about it, the Daisy Duke poster had a scantily clad photo of Catherine Bach in "Daisy Dukes" on it. Probably seemed kind of odd to the carnival guy at the time to give a poster of a scantily clad woman to a 6-year-old, but it damn certain made sense to me. After all, I had an older brother who would torment me at a moment's notice. A year later I also insisted on being Princess Leia. Little did I know that she would go on to be every male's fantasy in her Jabba slave outfit. "Women power and I'll be over here," indeed.]

I'm still watching this particular episode of the Dukes, and I still have a crush on (then) Luke, and I still remember this particular episode. And I'm OK with all of that. As scary as that may sound.

Early Friday five.

Top five office quotes from my Office calendar, in no particular order, and then one thrown in for good measure.

• "If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything." - anonymous
• "Thanks to wireless technology, I can hate my job almost anywhere." - John Caldwell, cartoonist
• "If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes." - H. Ross Perot
• "Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!" - anonymous
• "It sucks to be me." - Brian, Kate Monster, Rod, Nicky, Christmas Eve, Gary Coleman
  

Belated Friday five.

Only three other people will get this top five list of phrases uttered in Lake View Lodge, room 31, Lee Vining CA last Saturday night... And two of them are not currently reading this blog... But I'm OK with that.

• "If you want to vomit the cool whip..."
• "bluchini"
• "To be or not to expectorate - that is the bunnies."
• "Melt - yeeeeaaaahhhh, that's a good one."
• "Gourd-zzzzah."

The context to all of this can be summarized by the statement, "we may regret the fact that this is not an official Mad Lib." Oh and also, two bottles of wine and a good portion of Fromager D'Affinois was involved. But we mathed it out, and it was all good.

Why I need to quit my job and become a mountaineer.

Exhibit A, Glen Aulin trail, Yosemite:


Exhibit B, Save Mono Lake! (and the tufa!):


I have GOT to get to the mountains more often. This is bloody ridiculous.

Normally I don't forward this crap but...

Forwarded by my oldest and dearest friend:

"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

"Now men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with."

Ladies, share this with all the good apples you know.

Early Friday five.

The "sometimes you've just gotta know when to shut the fuck up already" Friday five, in no particular order:

• Isaiah Washington.
• Chris Daly.
• Tom Sizemore.
• Jeffre Cheuvront.
• George Bush, just on general principle.
  

Bloody hell, indeed.

I really need to re-examine my Netflix queue.

Friday night I popped in Blood Diamond, thinking it would be a good film because of all the Oscar hype and political content and... well, okay, and because of Leo. Bad South African accent or not, that man is FINE.

About an hour into it, I had to turn it off. I just wasn't up for such an incredibly depressing commentary on our capitalist society, that we don't even care that people are dying just so that Susie can get her 3 carat rock from Johnny. And I decided Friday night that if I ever get engaged, I will follow the lead from some gal I saw on a Food Network Wedding Planning Extravaganza special and insist on a plasma TV instead of an engagement ring.

(Please don't lecture me on the environmental perils of plasma TVs.)

So after that attempt I popped in 13 Tzameti, which was actually an interesting and disgusting commentary on our capitalist society (and also, the lead guy was FINE, in his French way), but I kept falling asleep so I finished it Sunday afternoon. Turns out it was rather bloody but in a subtle way, and the acting and cinematography were stellar. It reminded me a lot of the films that my "history of film" professor made us watch when I took that extracurricular class a couple of years ago, and I think that means it's a good film. Apparently Hollywood is going to remake it which (if history serves) will render the original meaningless and the remake just plain awful. So catch it while you can, but be ready for a downer.

And after I finished with 13 Tzameti, I popped in Saw III, which lasted approximately 10 minutes in my DVD player. I wasn't in the mood for gore, and also - WTF? The original Saw was a great psychological thriller with just a little gore thrown in for effect. Saw II at least featured Donnie Wahlberg, and it was nice to see the former New Kid getting roles better than the freaky naked dude in The Sixth Sense. But the first 10 minutes of Saw III had none of the thrills and all of the gore and damn it all to hell, what's the point of that?

Thank goodness Cars is next in my queue. I need a bloody break.

A sad state of affairs.

It's really sad when you drive past a gas station and say, "Wow! Gas there is only $3.40!"

"ONLY."

Yay, war! Sigh.

I love it when a plan doesn't come together.

This morning I was supposed to help a friend move, and this evening I had tentative plans to hang out with another friend. Last night I got an email from the former saying "actually we got most of it done today so you're off the hook" and this morning I got an email from the latter saying "something came up can we postpone?"

This left me with zero plans for today. I can't even begin to describe how marvelous it has been.

I finished laundry at 9:45am, ran a bunch of errands including a procrastinated trip to Berkeley Bowl to pick up tofu jerky for my PCT hiking friend (I even found PARKING! at BERKELEY BOWL - PARKING! and of course I also found a bunch of stuff I didn't really need but purchased anyway, because where else am I going to find veat bites, whole wheat orzo in bulk and organic... well, organic everything?).

Now it's not quite 2pm and I can finish the movie I started Friday night but kept falling asleep during, and maybe watch the other one, and it will still only be around 7:30pm.

THIS is how every weekend should be.

To the shock of all...

I am Charlie Brown. I am a world-weary person who just can't relax and have a good time. Sometimes I even hide my happiness behind a mask of cynicism. People like me more than I realize. So I will lighten up and enjoy life before it's too late!

Which Peanuts character are you?

June 23 can't come any faster.

I can't wait for KGAY/Pride weekend, when all this drama queen behavior I've been exhibiting of late will be much more appropriately channeled.

In the words of the great Homer J. Simpson...

"It's funny because it's true!"

Belated Friday five.

In an effort to fit new music on my iPod I've been trying to uncheck some of the music I don't listen to very often. It's been very, very difficult to uncheck. Which brings us to the belated Friday five - top five musicians/bands I have a zillions songs for, that I have whittled down to the barebones minimum for space reasons and refuse to whittle down any more, in no particular order, with a belated Friday five bonus of the five songs I could not live without by each musician/band (still with me?):

• Bob Dylan (Don't Think Twice, It's Alright ~ Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again ~ Masters of War ~ Bob Dylan's Dream ~ Buckets of Rain)
  
• REM (Try Not to Breathe ~ Rockville ~ Half a World Away ~ Diminished ~ You Are the Everything)
  
• Decemberists... honestly I have not unchecked anything by them just yet (July, July ~ The Island ~ Red Right Ankle ~ Sons and Daughters ~ We Both Go Down Together)
  
• Barenaked Ladies (Blame It On Me ~ One Week acoustic ~ For You ~ Break Your Heart ~ Leave)
  
• Pearl Jam (Porch ~ Given to Fly ~ Indifference ~ State of Love and Trust ~ Footsteps)
  

Brought to you by Carl's Jr.

Fans of Borat and South Park might appreciate Idiocracy, Mike Judge's commentary on the dumbing down of America. It wasn't so much the plot, or the dialogue, or the acting - although they were all just fine. It was the detail accompanying the mockery, which Judge has clearly developed a talent for (remember the scenes with the printer in Office Space, how they were a total aside to the story but ended up some of the most frequently quoted lines, at least in my office?).

Suffice to say, I will never be able to eat at a Fuddrucker's ever again, and for at least a month I will laugh when I walk by a Starbucks.

All I need to know, I learned from television.

OK.

I admit it. After all the hype, I was mildly curious about this book. (It's akin to hearing about how god-awful Jonathan Franzen's second novel is, and scouring used bookstores and libraries for it because you don't want to shell out the cash. Not that I have done that.)

Fortunately a friend saved me the trouble with Frey's novel and just lent it to me. I'm on page 24, and already I can tell that he's totally lying. No struggle with his family when they dropped him off at rehab? In day two of rehab, he's not craving alcohol or drugs and can eat and walk around like a normal person? He's actually social with the people around him? Not once has he had the urge to leave rehab to go shopping or work out?

COME ON.

Clearly Mr. Frey needed to spend some time with our good friends at A&E, or Meg Ryan, or Lindsay Lohan, before sitting down to write this novel.

I think it starts with P...? Or maybe C.

Yesterday after work I walked to the post office near my former place of employment. I passed several people I worked peripherally with. I was in a hurry so despite their "hey how's the new job" greetings, I just waved and kept walking. I didn't even apologize or explain my rush. What do I care? I won't have to work with them ever again.

Then I saw a guy I worked REALLY closely with for a long time (I want to say a year or more). This wasn't nine years ago, it was maybe two or three years ago. For the life of me, I could not remember his name.

I think this means I am fully acclimated.

The funniest thing, to me, is that I still hear all the office gossip well in advance of people who still work there.

I can has buried trezur?

And now, glory on high, I can pretend that this is a picture of Her Majesty.