Is it Jessica, or is it Ashlee?
Is it Casper, or is it Gwenyth?
Is it Castaway, or is it Matthew? (And OH MY GOD. Here I just thought his abs were big!)
(Oh COME ON, it had to be said.)
Is it Skeletor, or is it Katie?
And finally, I never thought I would say this, but I would KILL to be Jamie Lee Curtis for a day...
Whenever I hear about the Blue Angels coming to town, I get pissed. Why oh why are they spending my tax dollars on such a wasteful unneccesary (and BLOODY LOUD) activity? What's the point?
And then, I see them in action. And I'm totally wowed. They were weaving in and out of high-rises in the city today. It never makes me feel patriotic, but it always makes me stare and eventually grin.
Probably because I always think of Top Gun. Yunno, pre-Tomkat scientology, twenty years ago, back when he was just completely hot and totally obnoxious.
Five things I saw while shopping today, that I do not understand in any way, shape or form, in no particular order:
People of the Bay Area! Listen up. Only 3% of you actually give blood. One hour of your life can save someone else's. You're all eligible, so get out there and give blood!
That is all.
________________
According to the Red Cross, I have given 51 pints of blood in my life. I'm on the "baby list" - they call me and say "the babies need your blood" which sounds kinda creepy but it's strangely motivating. Motivating enough for me to agree to the 30 minute wait every 8 weeks even though I have an appointment, and motivating enough to make me question getting another coveted tattoo because it will delay my ability to give blood for an entire year. If I do hit the tattoo parlor you'd better believe I will be hounding you all to make up for my slack.
I got a letter from my college alumni fundraisers today. Delivered to my actual address instead of forwarded by my parents.
I spent the last 5 years successfully avoiding them.
Shit. Guess it's time to move again.
Today I walked home scuffing my feet through dry fallen leaves, colored orange and red and yellow, on the sidewalk. Pumpkins are selling at the grocery store, and someone I know has their annually-coveted Halloween treats magazine.
Fall is here!
I love fall. And unlike most people I know, I absolutely love winter. I love when the sun goes down at 4:30pm, it's freezing cold outside (well, as "freezing" as the Bay Area can get) and the only food you feel like eating is soup. I love having to turn the heater on in my car. I love my down comforter.
Summer drives me crazy. With all the sunlight and warm weather I feel totally guilty sitting on my couch watching movies. That's what I do, generally speaking - I sit on my couch and watch movies. Having a whole season where I feel guilty doing so, makes for an unhappy me. Also, I run hot so a season which makes me run even hotter is not so much fun.
However! There is much to be said for the cute sandals that summer encourages.
And so it gets back to shopping... and once again, all is right with the world.
This morning I missed the early bus by about 2 minutes, which meant I got to hang out in my apartment for another 15 minutes and witness this fascinating exchange of stares between Her Majesty and the squirrel who was doing a bang-up job vacuuming the leftover seeds the birds dropped from the hanging birdfeeder:
OK... mostly it was just Her Majesty staring at the squirrel.
I've never seen a cat's neck crane so much as hers did when she refused to budge from her vantage hiding spot, yet she HAD TO SEE what the squirrel could possibly be doing over in the corner of the balcony. Her new nickname? Geoffrey (as in, "the giraffe").
Five reasons I'm skipping the Scott Capurro show at the Punchline tonight, even though I've been wanting to see him for a while now and I already bought the ticket, in no particular order:
Come align for the big fight to rock for you... It's the Download Festival! Don't forget your hoodies, aviator sunglasses, 70's haircuts, Sid Vicious t-shirts, and of course your nine million packs of cigarettes.
Yeah, I'm SO SURE my lack of breath while running today had nothing to do with all the secondhand smoke I inhaled yesterday. And it wasn't even the GOOD kind of secondhand smoke!! That, I wouldn't mind so much.
Damn I'm getting old.*
Who wants honey? As long as there's some money. Who wants that honey?
________________
* Grumpy-old-lady-bitching aside, it was totally worth my $35 and loss of lung capacity to see The Shins, FINALLY. And also the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who totally rocked. Yeah yeah yeah they did. And Beck, whose puppets re-enacted Snakes on a Plane. On a bus. I love that guy.
"Focus on conscious tranquility. No matter how stressful the day is, your intention is to remain centered and calm. Your goal: to learn that you can control your psychic energy."
OK, this is all starting to sound like bullshit. I concur! However... at some point today (I think it was while I was waiting for the bus after totally oversleeping) it occured to me. The fact that I've said things in mucky-muck meetings that have been outright ignored, that other people end up saying the next week or the next month, at which point everyone slaps their foreheads and says "oh my god you are so right!", was suddenly not demoralizing.
Maybe I was planting seeds, maybe that was my purpose. Maybe this is how things just happen in corporate life, and had I not said such things they never would've been said (again), and subsequently acknowledged and incorporated. Suddenly I wasn't so frustrated. And talking to several mucky-mucks and hearing that I WAS making a difference despite my daily beliefs otherwise, suddenly made a difference instead of sounding like token appreciation.
I dunno. I've also been reading this book on past lives, which I don't NOT believe in but don't totally believe in either, and the message throughout has been: your current life is an extension of your entire existence as a soul. The pains you suffer in this life can either linger to your next life, or be resolved in this life - the former of which means I shouldn't get so anxious about everything, the latter of which means you can rest in peace.
There's really something comforting to that.
I once had a psychic reading where she identified my past lives as always living near the sea, always working with my hands (sailmaker, farmer, winemaker), and being male in all but one past life. The one time I was a female I had several very difficult childbirths that ended up tragedies.
Fast forward to today (or this life, if you will): I can't imagine being landlocked; while I do love a good shoe sale I'm not a girlie-girl; and I don't want kids.
You do the math.
It must be PMS, although I just went through that. OK so maybe I'm just a sap. This made me smile (and get a wee bit weepy) at the humanity of the whole thing.
I have a couple Weeds DVDs, plus a Radiohead show to watch. Not in the mood for either. Netflix must think I died - usually I turn their flicks over in a few days... they sent me these DVDs several weeks ago. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate my queue picking.
Flicks (etc.) that I've sent back to Netflix but have not yet reviewed here:
Took a much-needed coffee break with a friend at work today. At some point we were talking about alternate careers, and I commented that several of my friends around our age were also in this weird state of wanting to do something more meaningful, more valuable, with their life than sit in a cubicle all day filling out TPS reports.
The conversation took an interesting turn - was it just our generation who was going through this phase? We couldn't think of many folks from other generations who were going through the same identity crisis. Was it because we were children of the flower power generation, currently (and by choice) living in Peace Love and Happiness, California? Did it have anything to do with the dot com bust, where all those creative souls were left jobless and looking for something more substantial out of life? (Peace Corps applications shot up during that time, for example.) Is it a result of the information age - cable TV and high-speed internet lets us see opportunities we would never have been able to glimpse before?*
My parents certainly didn't go through this phase. But my parents are now both retired. Could that be it? I see how happy and carefree they are, and I'm jealous?
Whatever the reason, I've started a mental list of careers I'd like to pursue. None involve pointy-headed bosses, mindless conference calls or powerpoint presentations. Interested parties should inquire within. Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe.
________________
* A conversation with another friend later in the day led to discussion about this show. Yeah, I do acknowledge that I could have it a whole lot worse.
The headliners for the 20th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concerts were just announced! They include Neil Young, Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews Band, Brian Wilson, Foo Fighters, Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor, Death Cab For Cutie, Gillian Welch and Devendra Banhart, plus a few surprise guests. What, no CSNY? And Trent Reznor acoustic? Really? That's so going to rock! - SF Gate culture blog, emphasis added
This has truly been the year of great shows! How nice to get back to my old habits and stomping grounds.
How I spend almost every weekend night:
I had a great day. Great. I slept in a little, then helped a friend install windows all day. (So now I know how to do that, for those of you considering such an undertaking.) We made lots of progress as compared to last weekend, and we saved him lots of money.
On the way home I was on the freeway trying to get over to the exit so I could take the road that runs by the marina instead of the freeway. I came THIS CLOSE... THIS CLOSE to hitting some dude's Audi. I don't think I've ever had such a close call. It would've been a rather expensive end to my cost-saving day.
At that moment it occurred to me that one second could make an enormous difference in a day.
I don't really have a point to this story. But I did freak out a bit tonight when I saw one of those VW ads depicting head-on collisions.
That was the subject of an email I got from the folks today. An investigative phone call revealed that my mom fell off a step on Tuesday and fractured her kneecap in three places. She's hobbling around alright, it seems, but there might be an impending surgery... She has osteoporosis so they are worried that the fracture might separate. Surgery or not, she's been informed not to bend her knee for 6 weeks.
The doctor made a point of telling her that if she'd done this 30 years ago she would've bounced up off the pavement and gone about her day.
Was that really necessary? If I'd been in the room with that doctor, I would've punched him square in the nose.
It's days like this when I really want to move back home.
Are you ready, boys and girls? Here is the key to the game... you know the game, write down 5 names and 2 numbers and 4 songs and SOMETHING MAGICAL will happen:
NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE.
My #10 was "Kiss Off" and #11 was "Red Right Ankle."
I wish my cousin would stop sending me this shit.
Today I ran across this job posting, and after reading the description I just couldn't help but apply. I'm pretty sure that 99.9% of it involves scraping up dead furry things from highways, but that remaining 0.1% of arresting bastards who torture animals would be pretty cool. The least I should do is verify the actual percentage split by procuring an interview.
Oh, and also? "Must maintain firearms proficiency." Think it's time for another lesson!
It is for charity!! Yay. Now I feel much better voting for Hal. You should too... He rocked out last week.
Today I took the long walk home, and observed a man honking his horn incessantly and swearing louder and more often than Samuel Jackson on a plane with snakes.
He was driving one of those new VW bugs and had put plastic sunflowers across the back window.
People are FUCKED UP.
... but I'm not in the mood to go here right now. So I will steal from someone else instead. Someone whose list contains books I've read and also books I've never heard of. The latter of which means she is much smarter than me. I do not promise such a list.
1. One book that changed your life: The River Why, read first year of college. Offers an intriguing concept behind reincarnation and the afterlife that I still ponder to this day.
2. One book you have read more than once: most books still on my bookshelf - I give the one-time reads away. Probably most read over the shortest duration of time was A Prayer for Owen Meany. Read during the David phase. Best thing I got out of that relationship.
3. One book you would want on a desert island: A blank journal, so I could keep track of the days, chronicle my adventures and leave tips for the next desert island dweller.
4. One book that made you laugh: Another Roadside Attraction, read about 6 years ago. Parts of this book also fall under #1.
5. One book that made you cry: The Outsiders. Not when Johnny dies, but when the brothers have it out at the end.
6. One book you wish had been written: What Jen(n) Should Do With Her Life, for Dummies.
7. One book you wish had never been written: anything by Bill O'Reilly or Ann Coulter.
8. One book you are currently reading: The Brothers K when I have energy to read at night, and Lizard Music when I don't.
9. One book you have been meaning to read: the Bible. (Seriously.)
So, what's on your nightstand?
Two days in a product management class and all I take away is that we live in a disposable, capitalist society where nothing is ever good enough for people. Midway through today I realized that I'm Lloyd Dobler:
I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.
There's got to be some (decently paying) job out there that would let me work with animals without having to know chemistry. Now accepting ideas...
Best line overheard at the BBQ today: "I'm gonna go put some pants on." Second best line overheard [paraphrased because at that point in the day, my memory couldn't be counted on for much]: "Yeah, they weren't so big on drinking blood." (Who is "they"? Who cares. It was funny.)
Good times, good times. Off to lay down and pray that my stomach doesn't explode from all the cheese.
Mmmmm... cheese.
Sandwiched between a 10-year old boy telling me I looked like a man this morning, and someone making an inappropriate (but, touche, accurate) remark about my skill set to his peers while we were all on a conference call this afternoon, the middle of my day was AWESOME.
Seriously.
I had a few good chats with a few coworkers. I ate a healthy *and* cheap salad for lunch. I finished something I'd been unable to complete all week. And I was offered an "out" for The Project From Hell by someone who can probably make the "out" happen.
The "out" offering was truly the sugary creamy filling of my day. I practically skipped to the cafeteria to get lunch. Even if it doesn't come through and I get stuck doing TPFH, just knowing that a version like that exists... That has to be worth something.
Tomorrow's card (I read ahead so as to give myself the full day to accommodate the suggestion): examine unfinished business and do one thing to bring it to closure. I only have one piece of unfinished business that's really getting to me at the moment - and the one thing that would bring it to closure would be me quitting my job.
OKAY! Now we're talking!!
Today's card asked that I determine whether I'm generally positive or negative. That's all - just recognize which category I fall into. I didn't have to spend too much time on that one.
Yesterday I was supposed to identify something that would make me more empowered and take action on it, so I took charge of a painful meeting, and got a head-nod from a mucky-muck as an acknowledgement. That was kinda cool.
I'm starting to think that there's something to this daily affirmation shit. After all, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough... Or maybe it's all a hokey, cheeseball distraction. Whatthefuckever, man. It's working.
Five painfully close-to-home, but somehow also funny, work-related items:
It's no photo op with John Linnell or Ray Davies or Bono, but yesterday on the walk home I saw Mayor Brown running around the lake. He got ahead of me by about 20 feet before I realized who he was.
Not that I would've said anything to him. I'm not really a fan.
But still. It's way more exciting than this!
I now possess these cards called "Wisdom for Healing Cards." When I first got them they seemed incredibly hokey, and the seminar with which they were associated was a bit of a debacle,* so I hadn't really thought much about them since. Out of curiosity Saturday while I was cleaning, I finally opened the box. The very first card suggested I do something I'd been putting off for a while. It stated that by recognizing and resolving one small thing I've been postponing, I could ignite powerful change over time.
Hmm. I'd been putting off cleaning for a LONG while, how coincidental that I would turn this particular card the day I decided to clean.
So the next day I flipped to the next card: pay attention to your body and respond to one stress fully and consciously. I hadn't slept much at all Saturday night, so I resisted a drink (or three) at lunch with some friends who were all having a few. It's not normal for me to resist a drink when everyone else is imbibing, and I consciously did so. I thought that was an interesting step. Then after lunch and afternoon activities I took a long walk and ended up sleeping like a baby Sunday night.
Today's card had a bit of a religious slant but the message essentially was: slow down and observe everything as though it was speaking to me. Mondays of late have been absolute hell-holes. But today I hit the snooze a few extra times, I read a magazine at lunch instead of working through lunch, I stared out the window several times and wondered if the cars on the highway were headed somewhere fun, and I walked the long way home after the gym this evening. I even walked through the neighborhood dog park - slightly out of my way but the romping dogs always make me smile.
I'm not sure how long this card-following thing will last, and surely it will be interspersed with lots of "insecure storytime" (lord knows I could fill a book) but for now... Doot-in' doo-doo, feelin' groovy.
________________
* YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Haha.
This week's Onion horoscope is: "A tall, dark stranger will leave you embarrassed this week after claiming to be a tall, dark acquaintance of yours from college."
Somewhat coincidentally, I googled an old crush from high school the other day. I met him in the early stages of my emo phase, during which time I was a total mess and he was a total mess. So naturally I fell in love with him. Like all my crushes in high school, he knew I adored him and fed me carrots every so often to keep me doing so (in his case, artsy love poems that weren't about me - I pretended they were, he knew this but never corrected me... bastard).
But all of that is an insecure story for another day. As I said, we were both total messes at the time so when I found his name online, I fully expected him to be a heroin addict, or a tattoo artist (he did his own body art and was quite talented), or both. Or in a band, addicted to heroin and fully tattooed. (I don't know where I got the heroin addict part from, it just seemed like a road he was likely to go down.)
Turns out he's happily married, he's been a "big brother" for almost 10 years and he's very active in his church. Who knew! Not sure why I'm surprised though. Ten years ago I wasn't so sure I wanted to live to see 30, and I passed that mark 18 months ago. With flying colors.
I wonder if he ever thinks about me. It's so funny how certain people can mean the world to you and stay in your memory forever, when they've probably long since forgotten about you.
I wonder if seeing a community theater musical will always remind me of high school, painting sets and wearing black turtlenecks, and the beginning of those messy years of my life.
Probably.
In addition to the fact that it's just an awfully brilliant, or brilliantly awful, movie, Snakes on a Plane taught me something last night: there are airplanes in the world that have upper levels. Stairs that go up to another level, presumably a level that I would never, ever, ever be able to afford.
Stairs... on a motherfucking plane. Who knew?? That's more exciting than the snakes!!
I made an executive decision today, one that's long overdue. No, I didn't quit Paid Job. (Yet.)
Instead, I recommended a change in Unpaid Job's structure that hasn't been working for quite a while. It was an out-of-the-blue recommendation to everyone else, and it was a last-minute request, and I'm no longer in charge so I wasn't sure how it would go over. But everyone heard me out and agreed with my recommendation, and then later they gave me recognition. This was on the same day someone else at Unpaid Job sent a crazy last-minute request and all the other Unpaid Employees banded together via email to accommodate the request.
THIS is how Paid Job should be. No finger-pointing, no trash-talking, no pettiness. Just people who like each other, working toward the same goal, coming together in times of need.
The punchline is, I got a raise at Paid Job today. A.K.A. "HOW THEY GET YA."
I like this idea in concept. The cards are kid-drawn so, therefore, uber cute and patriotic. It seems that I can enter a personalized message that isn't smarmy and YAY AMERICA! which is kinda cool. But would a soldier overseas really want to get a uber cute card with the message, "Sorry our president is an ass and sorry you're still stuck over there with no end in sight and yeah it's been almost 3 years and there's no clear goal to this... but we appreciate all that you're doing"?
You spend 20 years of your life wrasslin' crocodiles and teasing poisonous venomous snakes, and then one day you're stung by a usually-harmless ray who probably didn't mean to do it, and who probably feels really bad about it.
Kinda makes this whole life thing seem pointless, in a way.
I finally got around to buying a hanging birdfeeder so that the merry squirrels couldn't keep eating all the birdseed. As a result, I spent a good portion of this weekend watching the birds flit and flutter about the birdfeeder. The pigeons haven't found it yet, just the cute little sparrows and other tiny frail winged things. I also spent a lot of time wondering what was going on in their brains. Not the most fruitful use of one's 3-day weekend, but it sure was relaxing.
When I wasn't doing that, or walking/running nine million miles or actively not shopping in an effort to save money, I was watching TV. Several times I saw a new car commercial which has the woman getting up and doing her daily routine over and over, and then she happens upon this brand new fancy car and it's all HOLY LIGHT and HALLELUJAH and THE EARTH STANDS STILL.
I'm getting tired of waiting for my car.
That's life. And so I will make oatmeal cookies for my team meeting tomorrow, and I will consume my weekly ration of pizza and wine, and I will watch Nip/Tuck, and I will go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.
But his Block Party is well worth your 1 hour 51 minutes... even if you have no interest in hip-hop or the Chappelle Show.
Oh, and I want to marry Mos Def. Probably not bloody likely. Just putting it out there in the interest of full disclosure.
Trader Joe's did me wrong today. I went out of my way to shop there, with three specific items in mind (plus the usual cheap wine and milk and yogurt and all that stuff).
Did they have low fat Irish cheddar cheese? No. Mini zucchinis in a bag? Uh-uh. Soy mayonnaise? Nope. In fact, it's been discontinued.
HOW CAN TRADER JOE'S DISCONTINUE SOY MAYONNAISE?? That's just wrong.
So I went next door and wandered aimlessly around the GINORMOUS Safeway looking for soy mayonnaise. No luck there either, which didn't surprise me. But can I just say... Holy hell, that's a big Safeway.
Don't be fooled by the trailer... The Family Stone is actually a very good movie.
Oh, Hal. It's like a car wreck. But how can I NOT watch??
[Editor's note: This f'ing thing is TWO HOURS LONG??? Holy hell. Oh and despite the pain of the other "performers," Hal did remarkably well given that I only know of his love of KISS.
If only it was actually for charity. Or maybe if Michael Bolton or Randy Travis wasn't involved.]
Next time I decide to take a sick day, remind me not to do it on the anniversary of a major natural disaster and subsequent national debacle. Sooooo not helping the mood.
Usually I don't consider buying a magazine based solely on a cover caption. But today at the grocery store I resisted the urge to buy this. It was hard, but I resisted.
So sexy it hurts!
As he so blatantly pointed out during an award intro with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert lost to BARRY MANILOW. That was the only time I laughed out loud during the show. There's still 47 minutes to go, but I'm pretty confident that my statement will hold out. (And still I watch. Every fucking awards show, I watch. MTV Video awards this Thursday! Have I seen a music video in the last 12 months? Nope! Will I watch? Hell yeah!)
Not coindendentally, all the Arrested Development (read: genius) actors lost. To? WHO THE HELL CARES? has-beens. Or who-the-hell-are-they? shows.
The Emmys are sooooo last year... Even Her Majesty agrees.
There's now a DVD that recounts some of the more famous performances in the history of Coachella. Since I am officially proclaiming myself "too old" to attend a festival like that (3 days sleeping in a tent then standing and sweating in the dirt amongst thousands of young hippie types all day), I got to live vicariously for an hour and a half. Three observations:
You know, about 10 minutes after it starts, how it's going to end. It's the in-between that is worth the price of admission.
Five things that made me tired this week, in no particular order:
(But when has that ever stopped me before?)
I went in search of specific photos tonight. I have so many of them, I just know I do. Sadly, it seems that I left all my bershon photos in Maryland. Here in my California apartment, I do have lots of photos of me + alcohol! Go figure.
But in the true spirit of bershon, I bring you the shark gingerbread house. Created by me and another clearly-single person, upon completion it sat in a coworker's office until I noticed bugs crawling on it about a year later. Note the attention to detail! The gummy heads on stakes! The food coloring running down the fangs at the front door! What bitter creativity! Low sodium! No calories!
Email from a friend:
> Subject: Snakes on a Plane Soundtrack
>
> This is the first time I've looked at an album on iTunes and seen the
> little "Explicit" label on EVERY SINGLE SONG.
My reply:
> That's because it's SNAKES... ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!
I can't wait to see this movie.
Last week I did an exercise in which I had to state where I fell on the "relationship/task" continuum. You'll be shocked to learn that I was practically falling off the edge of "relationship."
Later that day I did another exercise in which I had to state what drains me, what re-energizes me, and something else. I thought the answer I gave to "what re-energizes me" was pretty lame at the time - I said I liked being alone and watching lots of TV. Lame ... but true. I also like to hike and write and be artsy and do charitable work, but under the pressure to answer the question those replies didn't occur to me. (Or maybe I was just thinking about what I'd rather be doing at the moment the question was posed.)
Today I was thinking about my answer, and I decided it's actually not lame. I was a sociology major in college - I was taught to observe. With TV, with most media actually, I don't care much about the plot. I just enjoy observing how people interact with each other. It's fairly easy to skip past the Hollywood spin of "how people are supposed to act" and find the real world of "how people do act."
And the best part is that I don't have to be personally involved with any of them.
This is the third month in a row I've forgotten to pay a bill. It's been a different bill every time, but this month I got dinged because it was a credit card bill.
Considering my wall calendar is still on July, and my America: the Calendar daily calendar hasn't progressed past August 1, I'm doubting one of these on my desk at home would do me any good. If I keep forgetting to pay my credit card bill, I won't be able to afford it anyway...
________________
Really now. $88? Who actually buys those things??
Five memorable things about my Half Dome hike this weekend, in no particular order:
... today I spent a good portion of the day looking around in admiration at these really smart people I have the privilege to work with. (Well, most of them are really smart, anyway.) It occurred to me that instead of bitching and moaning about my self-imposed weaknesses, I should be grateful and honored that I was asked to participate, and participate to whatever extent I am comfortable and confident.
Then I got a little sad about the thought of leaving because I wouldn't be working with these people anymore.
Then I thought about day-to-day life at work and remembered that I could always meet these people for happy hour after I start a job I actually enjoy ...
Exhibit A. (I can't stop laughing.)
Exhibit B. (Although I'd venture to say that she looks more like a Garbage Pail Kid, or that scary little girl in Finding Nemo... or an Eels album cover... than anything Tim Burton could come up with. But I have to agree with the "looks like something a emo girl would have tattooed on her lower back and then publish a picture of on her MySpace page" sentiment.)
This makes me very sad.
But not nearly as sad (and disgusted) as this. (Don't click on it. Just don't. I seriously hope this dude is completely mentally incapacitated. Otherwise... I know people who have guns that I can borrow. And I know how to use them.)
And now for some cute animal cruelty! (Click on this link. Please. Click. Now. It's nauseatingly cute. The 2 min 10 second mark brings you this exasperated beratement from the owner: "Tsk... He just doesn't care.") Well, um, yeah. Because he's a TURTLE. A damn cute turtle.
Yunno... If I had any kind of sophisticated videocam ability, I would soooo be YouTubing Her Majesty's recent fondness for "swimming" (where she lies on her back and waves her arms in the air when I rub her tummy).
Thank GOD I do not have any kind of sophisticated videocam ability.
Somewhat related... I was reading a New Yorker article on the evolution of Wikipedia today, and the founder basically said one of the few checks and balances about posting on the site - content must have been published previously - was developed to ensure that the site didn't turn into people paying homage to their pets.
Appropos of nothing, today's featured Wikipedia article is about cane toads. "Sometimes I call him Greeny, sometimes I call him Red, sometimes I call him Cane..."
For someone who has deliberately removed ESPN, ESPN2 and any other sports networks from her pre-programmed TV scanning, I sure have watched a lot of sports entertainment this weekend.
I'm in the process of finishing up Sports Night.* I really don't understand why they cancelled this show, other than the observation that, as with most second seasons, this one's second season is slightly weak. They're busting out all this relationship crap, and someone's in therapy, and now the two co-anchors are fighting about salaries and status. I'm pretty sure that given another go, the third season would've come around and I'd still be watching the show on network TV. But then Peter Krause wouldn't have done Six Feet Under, and... Well, in the end, I guess the tradeoff was fair.
And then today I saw Tassafranga... Tallafrasca... That Will Ferrell Nascar movie. (I can never remember the real name of the place.) It was as good as "they" say. Kinda like Dodgeball, only kicked up a few notches with all the visible ad-libbing and Ferrell's stellar-yet-subtle parody of George Bush throughout the film.
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*I'm starting to think the networks have it in for Ron Howard. Both Sports Night and Arrested Development were cancelled after two seasons.
... I guess it takes more than two occurrences, and the same network responsible for both, to make it a true conspiracy though.
The best part about being done with marathon training is that I don't have to bug other people to F5 the ticketbastard site at 10am every other Sunday to buy me tickets to a show.
And the best part about today is that I got a ticket for the Decemberists in October. This is turning out to be the year of good shows.
I have recently fallen in love with Stacy's Pita Chips and Morningstar Farms Chik'n Strips. (Though it still bugs me when meatless products call themselves "Chik'n.")
I'm now on a mission to find new favorite foods that ends in "ips."
Make that three times this past week I've run (if you assume a Sunday->Saturday week). The original plan was to run around the lake twice, just to get some distance in since I'm no longer running those long Sunday runs. But it was hot. And I forgot my iPod armband holder thingie so I had to hold it the whole time. And I didn't have any water with me. And it was hot. And I'd only eaten some yogurt and granola all day. And did I mention it was hot?
It's not that I couldn't have run around twice, easily. I hope I can get back into the mentality of running longer distances by myself. If not, or at least until the weather cools off, I hope running 3 miles 5 times a week burns as many calories as running 5 miles 3 times a week.
And I hope I can drag my ass out of bed 5 mornings a week.
I don't care that selling out isn't really selling out if you're a small(ish) band that is just trying to make some money. I don't care if it exposes you to new audiences and helps you pay for your tour expenses and hookers and drugs.
However!! It REALLY bugs me that I just heard a somewhat clever Franz Ferdinand song as the background to some hair product commercial. And the other oldie but goodie that soon followed - ""CRUMBELIEVABLE""??? The dumbest, yet catchiest, and best, (and only?) song EMF ever did is selling a goddamned Kraft product for people too lazy to shred cheese??
I know I'm repeating myself, but PEOPLE, PLEASE. This is even worse than no one making a decent, brand-new movie because all the movie makers are too lazy to create something new. Instead they just want to remake, sequel, remake, sequel, remake*.
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* Oh come on. It's been made in some shape or form already.
That's how my day was. From cover sheets on the TPS reports... to flair... to 'can I get that in cornflower blue?'...
Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?
This is my life and it's ending one minute at a time.
> 1. FIRST NAME? jennifer
> 2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? i believe my name is informally carried on from the countless virginias of the family
> 3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? some bloody soup commercial, i'm sure
> 4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? not at all
> 5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? morningstar farms "chicken" patty
> 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? most days, yes
> 7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? exhibit a.
> 8. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? who, me? neeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrrrr.
> 9. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes
> 10. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? no but i want to skydive someday soon
> 11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? grape nuts
> 12. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yes - how else would I take them off?
> 13. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? most days, yes
> 14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? ben & jerrys peanut butter cup
> 15. WHAT SIZE SHOE? 7
> 16. RED OR PINK? neither
> 17. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my temper
> 18. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? at the moment, riley
> 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? raiders satin jammies (yeah baby) and no shoes
> 20. LAST THING YOU ATE? carrots and a piece of buttermilk oatmeal bread
> 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? alton brown's new show
> 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? cerulean - cool name, vibrant color
> 23. FAVORITE SMELL? fresh baked bread
> 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? a friend from my unpaid job
> 25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? left hand, ring finger
> 26. FAVORITE DRINK? a good merlot
> 27. FAVORITE SPORT? hockey
> 28. EYE COLOR? hazel
> 29. HAT SIZE? small
> 30. CONTACTS? sometimes
> 31. FAVORITE FOOD? pizza
> 32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? scary movies
> 33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIES? clerks 2
> 34. COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white (with raiders logo... i am all about the coordinated jammies, my friend)
> 35. SUMMER OR WINTER? winter
> 36. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs
> 37. FAVORITE DESSERT? fruit... or a nice port
> 38. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? the brothers k
> 39. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a ouija board
> 40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? behind the scenes on good eats, then a bunch of sports night episodes on dvd (i forgot what a great show that was)
> 41. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? beatles
> 42. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? sydney
> 43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? maryland
I wish my cousin would stop sending me these things. I just cannot resist no matter how hard I try. Or, I wish the questions were about things people might be interested in. Cupie doll for the person who asks the most bizarre question in the comments...
Four guys + one fun song + six treadmills + one take = another GENIUS video from OK Go...
I was doing a little shopping yesterday and overheard two teenage cashiers talking about the girl's failing relationship. The girl mentioned that she was going to have to end it, and joked that she might just put it on his MySpace page.
Now, I knew Kid Rock was lame, but I never thought he could be even lamer than a teenage girl's bad joke.
... exhibit #679.
Ever since I read this, it's been really hard to watch her show without wanting to throw things at the screen whenever his face appears. She adored him, clearly, and this is how he pays her back... Niiiiiice.
Woke up fairly early, spent an hour at the gym. Came home and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast before heading to the city for a facial. Did a little shopping, went to a volunteer meeting, then headed to ceramics class.
Oh yeah, I could be retired.
We interrupt this blog to bring you BREAKING NEWS!! We just had an earthquake... We don't know the magnitude, the damage or if there were any injuries. We just wanted to plant a little fear in your House-watching hearts!!
And now, back to your show.
And this was like Fight Club meets Bend It Like Beckham meets The Outsiders... Only a little more predictable.
However! At least I got my ironing done while I was watching it.
I got REALLY SICK of hearing about the Mel Gibson debacle REALLY QUICKLY... Especially being on vacation this week and doing lots of channel surfing during my extended breakfasts. Even CNN was covering the story, every hour on the hour, for pete's sake. It was all too stupid and attention-grabbing and "so what if Jesus was Jewish Mel made a lot of fucking money off that 'film'."
Then I heard that he had to halt plans for a miniseries about the Holocaust... and I just had to sigh at the irony. And hope for his swift demise. Or at least pray for a good South Park episode about the whole thing.
If there is a God in heaven, Tom will be next...
I was pretty much right on the mark on this one, only I DID get the jokes - I just didn't think they were funny. Whatever keeps Jason Mewes sober, I guess. Kevin Smith does have a knack for creating believably intimate scenes* between characters, I will give him that. (And the Star Wars/LOTR scene did make me laugh out loud several times.)
On the other side of the genre spectrum was Shopgirl. I think I liked it. Mostly, it just made me sad. But I'm liking Jason Schwartzman more and more.
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* To clarify, I'm not referring to the donkey/Sexy Stud scene - I mean the ones between Becky and Dante. (Yeah, it was that kind of movie. Sigh.)
Five things I WILL NOT miss about marathon training, in no particular order:
Tonight, I'm not really in the mood for the movies Netflix has sent me. So my choices for TV viewing are between four stupid reality shows on network TV, four stupid reality shows on cable, and fifteen reruns of Law & Order on various cable stations.
Seriously.
OK, I might exaggerate a bit on the Law & Order reruns. Some of them are actually CSI reruns...
The best thing about working when you are supposed to be on PTO is that you can constantly say out loud, to no one in particular, "I'm not even supposed to BE HERE today!!"
Yeah, I will see the sequel. I fear it will be a lot of jokes I just don't understand because I'm not quite there yet, and I will wish it had never been made, and I will go home and watch the original just to reaffirm that there was a time when Kevin Smith was in the same mental space as me.
But yeah, I will see the sequel. And tomorrow, I am ON PTO. DAMMIT.
I need to read the book. But I hear this was pretty close. And apparently a fairly timeless story, sad as that sounds.
Five movies the latest, slowest, longest movie I have ever sat through blatantly stole from, in no particular order:
Today on the bus coming home from the BART coming home from the airport (spare the air!), I was sitting near a mom and her very cute smallish child (no older than 3). They were quietly playing "guess that sound" and one of the sounds she made was a "weeeeeawweeeeeawweeeeeaw" sound, which to the untrained ear sounded mostly like an ambulance or possibly a police siren.
When she asked him what made that sound, he promptly replied, "car alarm!"
I wasn't suprised when they got off the bus near my old neighborhood...
Nice little ditty about a girl and her brother. I can relate.
With my brother, it was allllll about the music. Kiss, or Run-DMC, or Led Zeppelin. I was forced to memorize many a song by all of these bands. Fortunately I have blacked out most of the Kiss songs. But I still love Zeppelin. And I have a very fond memory of being about ten years old, playing H-O-R-S-E in the backyard, and alternating the lyrics to King of Rock over, and over, and over, and over again. (He was Run, I was DMC.) To this day I still remember most of the words. Once in a while I find myself singing this song in my head during boring meetings. It's quite empowering - "You can't touch me with a ten foot pole and I even made the devil sell me his soul!" Try it sometime.
My brother is the reason why - to this day - I firmly believe that Kashmir is the greatest song ever written, why I listen to Black Sabbath now and then, why I own any concert t-shirts (my birthday or Christmas gifts from shows he went to and I didn't - bastard), why I went all old-school and saw Pearl Jam last Saturday (and it. fucking. ROCKED).
He's also the reason I can spell "beginning," why I have a fondness for Baby Ruth candy bars, and why seeing a pile of stuffed animals makes me want to hurl them across the room. But those are stories for another day.
Her Majesty spent most of today (when she wasn't whining for food) stretched out on the tile whining about the heat. WTFE, man. I'm off to miserably hot, humid L.A. for five days. Woo-hoo.
Kidding, it will be fun. There will be lots of painting and decorating and furniture-arranging and artwork-hanging and a trip to the San Diego Zoo. And of course lots of eating and consumption of good beer. And most importantly, catching up with an old friend.
In miserably hot, humid housing that probably does not have air conditioning.
Yarg.
Recent attempts to remind Her Majesty that she's already eaten her dinner even though - YES! I am in the kitchen again! and YES! chances are likely that I will be in the kitchen AGAIN in the near future! oh, what a crazy world this is, that it doesn't revolve around YOU! - include:
OK Connie, I'll bite. Subject to change with my mood of course. (For the record, I have never found James Lipton pretentious - he seems to always laugh - at himself, or with others - how can that be pretentious? Annoyingly organized and thorough, perhaps. But not pretentious.)
What is your favorite word?
"freedom"
What is your least favorite word?
"nu-cu-lar"
What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
anything that lets me dive in and lose myself in it, anything that makes me forget that the world around me exists
What turns you off?
people with no concern for anyone and/or the world around them
What is your favorite curse word?
fuck
What sound or noise do you love?
whole-hearted bone-shaking laughter, the kind that brings tears to your eyes and causes snorting and gasping for breath (particularly when it comes from someone under 5 years old)
What sound or noise do you hate?
dentist's drill
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
carpenter
What profession would you not like to do?
VP of anything
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"so you took the blue pill, eh?"
Five things you should be ashamed that you don't know, if you make it onto my new obsession (A.K.A. how to make all these years of couching pay off), in no particular order:
A wise man once said, "sometimes, you just gotta say fuck it." Myself, I say that all the time. (Does that make me wise too?!)
Today for example, I was going to:
Everything Is Illuminated ... another book in the long list of books that never should've been made into a movie. Brilliant acting, but the story was completely butchered in translation. (Do yourself a favor, read the book.)
The Outsiders re-release w/new score and commentary by some of the actors ... hear Rob Lowe whine about every single scene where he was supposed to have more lines! Hear everyone rag on what a competitive showoff asshole Tom Cruise was! (Unlike the aforementioned - what a great adaptation of book to movie. Timeless.)
The Dying Gaul ... it had me until about halfway through. Should've been left as a play.
... I just don't think I could date a guy named "Fred." No offense to anyone named Fred, of course. I feel the same way about the name "Boris."
The plot was stupid, on the surface. But it starred Laura Linney, Topher Grace, Gabriel Byrne and Marcia Gay Harden... so I had to check it out.
Have I mentioned that I heart Topher Grace? I mean, I loved him on That 70's Show - hell, I loved them all. Well, except for Wilmer. But while the other goofballs have chosen similarly goofball film characters, he hasn't. (Yeah, okay, he's only been in a few films. And yeah, the rest of the cast hasn't really broken out in the film arena. And yeah, okay, there was The Butterfly Effect - an attempt at seriousness, I suppose.)
But it's pretty obvious, as the E! documentary about the sitcom stated, that while others were honing their partying skills, he went home and... oh I dunno, looked for good roles. (Yeah, okay, so I didn't watch the whole documentary.)
Anyway. The plot was as stupid as it might sound. But the performances were fairly moving, especially the scenes between Linney and Grace. I can't honestly say that I don't recommend the film.
Have I mentioned that I heart Topher Grace?
I really need a hobby.
Damn you, Connie! Now you've got me doing it. It's like an addiction I can't shake, and I don't even know what the purpose is. As is true for most things in the World Wide Web.
I'm probably not winning points with Hot Building Manager by making him call me to remind me to pay my rent this month. "Um, yeah hi, my bathtub is still leaking and did you know the dryer is broken oh and also I'm a flake!"
Niiiiice.
Note to readers: do not sign up to take over something of mine if you don't have the time, energy, or wherewithall to take it on with any amount of significance that will take the burden off me. Because it will only serve to PISS ME OFF.
This was actually a question on the profile thingie. "Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life?" Is it bad that the only person I could honestly name was Michael Stipe?
So I'm reading through my initial profile matches and the first one I read is that of a guy I met through Match.com last year and didn't really hit it off with. BAH.
So then I go on to complete more about me... And under the "Can't Stand"s:
Do people who use eHarmony listen to Live 105? Like Fight Club? Drink beer? Ride motorcycles? Mosh?
The commercials imply not.
I guess I'll find out soon enough.
A combination of recent events, namely TV-watching events, specifically The Constant Gardener and Pearl Jam on VH1 Storytellers, have gotten me to thinking again. Never a good sign.
I think part of the reason I'm so reluctant to join the adult world is that I don't want to lose my cynicism. My drive toward the greater good. My spare time to make a contribution to something worthwhile. So many of my friends who have houses and/or kids only have time for their houses and/or kids. Both are, of course, worthwhile endeavors, don't get me wrong. Time-consuming worthwhile endeavors.
I have a recurring conversation with a friend at work about how he wishes he had more time and energy for social activism, but after a full work day, house chores on the weekends and constantly keeping up with the kid, it's just not there. So I try to stay socially active because I know he cannot.
What does this have to do with The Constant Gardener or Pearl Jam? The former, I'm not entirely sure. I don't need a cause I would die for. I just need to care about something(s) worldly, care enough to consistently dedicate time and energy toward it. Maybe Al Gore needs help organizing his global warming conferences. I can make pretty powerpoint graphs as good as the rest of them.
The latter... [If you don't know of, or care about, the grunge phenomenon you can stop reading now.] I can't talk enough (no matter how hard I try! and no matter how much people ignore me!) about how music is such a part of my life, and this particular era had a HUGE influence on me. Suddenly people cared in their angsty ways of caring, they were pissed off - and at the time, just coming out of my whitebred suburban shell and seeing some of the injustices in the world, I could relate. And then a few years later, many of those same people (those who weren't in rehab, anyway) went off, got married and had kids, and suddenly all was right with their world. (See: Ed Kowalczyk/"Heaven." BAH.)
The guys in Pearl Jam, wives and/or kids in tow, are clearly still pissed off. And I like that.
My neighbor and I have a catsitting deal which has worked out very nicely. Her furry friends are sweet and cuddly and she seems to adore Her Majesty. There's only one problem with this deal. Whenever she gets back from a trip, she brings me a thank-you gift... which of course is unnecessary in the first place. But it's becoming more and more unnecessary with time.
This most recent trip of hers won me something straight out of Country Living. (Nothing against that style - it's just not mine.) Now, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because it's so nice that she even thinks to bring me anything. And I usually try to bring her something she might like when I go away on trips. It's just that it's hard to hide a "not-your-style" gift away in a closet when you know the person will be in your living room in three weeks to catsit. I've tried the old "you're so thoughtful to always get me something but really, it's not necessary" line before each trip... to no avail. The strangest part is that she has generally good taste, and she's seen my decorating style many, many times.
So I hereby give you all permission: If I give you something that makes you later scrunch your nose and wonder why the hell I thought you might like it, please feel free to hide it, give it away, whatever. I won't be offended. Promise.
