We're not gonna take it anymore.

It is for charity!! Yay. Now I feel much better voting for Hal. You should too... He rocked out last week.

One of these things just doesn't belong.

Today I took the long walk home, and observed a man honking his horn incessantly and swearing louder and more often than Samuel Jackson on a plane with snakes.

He was driving one of those new VW bugs and had put plastic sunflowers across the back window.

People are FUCKED UP.

I am aware that no one cares what I had for lunch ...

... but I'm not in the mood to go here right now. So I will steal from someone else instead. Someone whose list contains books I've read and also books I've never heard of. The latter of which means she is much smarter than me. I do not promise such a list.

1. One book that changed your life: The River Why, read first year of college. Offers an intriguing concept behind reincarnation and the afterlife that I still ponder to this day.

2. One book you have read more than once: most books still on my bookshelf - I give the one-time reads away. Probably most read over the shortest duration of time was A Prayer for Owen Meany. Read during the David phase. Best thing I got out of that relationship.

3. One book you would want on a desert island: A blank journal, so I could keep track of the days, chronicle my adventures and leave tips for the next desert island dweller.

4. One book that made you laugh: Another Roadside Attraction, read about 6 years ago. Parts of this book also fall under #1.

5. One book that made you cry: The Outsiders. Not when Johnny dies, but when the brothers have it out at the end.

6. One book you wish had been written: What Jen(n) Should Do With Her Life, for Dummies.

7. One book you wish had never been written: anything by Bill O'Reilly or Ann Coulter.

8. One book you are currently reading: The Brothers K when I have energy to read at night, and Lizard Music when I don't.

9. One book you have been meaning to read: the Bible. (Seriously.)

So, what's on your nightstand?

You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

Two days in a product management class and all I take away is that we live in a disposable, capitalist society where nothing is ever good enough for people. Midway through today I realized that I'm Lloyd Dobler:

I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.

There's got to be some (decently paying) job out there that would let me work with animals without having to know chemistry. Now accepting ideas...

And you've had some crazy conversations of your own.

Best line overheard at the BBQ today: "I'm gonna go put some pants on." Second best line overheard [paraphrased because at that point in the day, my memory couldn't be counted on for much]: "Yeah, they weren't so big on drinking blood." (Who is "they"? Who cares. It was funny.)

Good times, good times. Off to lay down and pray that my stomach doesn't explode from all the cheese.

Mmmmm... cheese.

You know, kinda like an Oreo cookie.

Sandwiched between a 10-year old boy telling me I looked like a man this morning, and someone making an inappropriate (but, touche, accurate) remark about my skill set to his peers while we were all on a conference call this afternoon, the middle of my day was AWESOME.

Seriously.

I had a few good chats with a few coworkers. I ate a healthy *and* cheap salad for lunch. I finished something I'd been unable to complete all week. And I was offered an "out" for The Project From Hell by someone who can probably make the "out" happen.

The "out" offering was truly the sugary creamy filling of my day. I practically skipped to the cafeteria to get lunch. Even if it doesn't come through and I get stuck doing TPFH, just knowing that a version like that exists... That has to be worth something.

... and gosh darn it, people like me.

Tomorrow's card (I read ahead so as to give myself the full day to accommodate the suggestion): examine unfinished business and do one thing to bring it to closure. I only have one piece of unfinished business that's really getting to me at the moment - and the one thing that would bring it to closure would be me quitting my job.

OKAY! Now we're talking!!

Today's card asked that I determine whether I'm generally positive or negative. That's all - just recognize which category I fall into. I didn't have to spend too much time on that one.

Yesterday I was supposed to identify something that would make me more empowered and take action on it, so I took charge of a painful meeting, and got a head-nod from a mucky-muck as an acknowledgement. That was kinda cool.

I'm starting to think that there's something to this daily affirmation shit. After all, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough... Or maybe it's all a hokey, cheeseball distraction. Whatthefuckever, man. It's working.

Not even close to Friday five.

Five painfully close-to-home, but somehow also funny, work-related items:

1. the adventures of Action Item
2. employee morale in Dilbertland
   
3. life in the cube
4. Jim's career
   
5. ... OK, this one isn't work-related but the first section of it made me laugh - IT'S NOT JUST ME!
   

Celebrity sighting.

It's no photo op with John Linnell or Ray Davies or Bono, but yesterday on the walk home I saw Mayor Brown running around the lake. He got ahead of me by about 20 feet before I realized who he was.

Not that I would've said anything to him. I'm not really a fan.

But still. It's way more exciting than this!

Hello lamp post, whatcha knowin'?

I now possess these cards called "Wisdom for Healing Cards." When I first got them they seemed incredibly hokey, and the seminar with which they were associated was a bit of a debacle,* so I hadn't really thought much about them since. Out of curiosity Saturday while I was cleaning, I finally opened the box. The very first card suggested I do something I'd been putting off for a while. It stated that by recognizing and resolving one small thing I've been postponing, I could ignite powerful change over time.

Hmm. I'd been putting off cleaning for a LONG while, how coincidental that I would turn this particular card the day I decided to clean.

So the next day I flipped to the next card: pay attention to your body and respond to one stress fully and consciously. I hadn't slept much at all Saturday night, so I resisted a drink (or three) at lunch with some friends who were all having a few. It's not normal for me to resist a drink when everyone else is imbibing, and I consciously did so. I thought that was an interesting step. Then after lunch and afternoon activities I took a long walk and ended up sleeping like a baby Sunday night.

Today's card had a bit of a religious slant but the message essentially was: slow down and observe everything as though it was speaking to me. Mondays of late have been absolute hell-holes. But today I hit the snooze a few extra times, I read a magazine at lunch instead of working through lunch, I stared out the window several times and wondered if the cars on the highway were headed somewhere fun, and I walked the long way home after the gym this evening. I even walked through the neighborhood dog park - slightly out of my way but the romping dogs always make me smile.

I'm not sure how long this card-following thing will last, and surely it will be interspersed with lots of "insecure storytime" (lord knows I could fill a book) but for now... Doot-in' doo-doo, feelin' groovy.

________________
* YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Haha.

I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.

This week's Onion horoscope is: "A tall, dark stranger will leave you embarrassed this week after claiming to be a tall, dark acquaintance of yours from college."

Somewhat coincidentally, I googled an old crush from high school the other day. I met him in the early stages of my emo phase, during which time I was a total mess and he was a total mess. So naturally I fell in love with him. Like all my crushes in high school, he knew I adored him and fed me carrots every so often to keep me doing so (in his case, artsy love poems that weren't about me - I pretended they were, he knew this but never corrected me... bastard).

But all of that is an insecure story for another day. As I said, we were both total messes at the time so when I found his name online, I fully expected him to be a heroin addict, or a tattoo artist (he did his own body art and was quite talented), or both. Or in a band, addicted to heroin and fully tattooed. (I don't know where I got the heroin addict part from, it just seemed like a road he was likely to go down.)

Turns out he's happily married, he's been a "big brother" for almost 10 years and he's very active in his church. Who knew! Not sure why I'm surprised though. Ten years ago I wasn't so sure I wanted to live to see 30, and I passed that mark 18 months ago. With flying colors.

I wonder if he ever thinks about me. It's so funny how certain people can mean the world to you and stay in your memory forever, when they've probably long since forgotten about you.

I wonder if seeing a community theater musical will always remind me of high school, painting sets and wearing black turtlenecks, and the beginning of those messy years of my life.

Probably.

Fun AND educational!

In addition to the fact that it's just an awfully brilliant, or brilliantly awful, movie, Snakes on a Plane taught me something last night: there are airplanes in the world that have upper levels. Stairs that go up to another level, presumably a level that I would never, ever, ever be able to afford.

Stairs... on a motherfucking plane. Who knew?? That's more exciting than the snakes!!

What if we're still doing this when we're 50?

I made an executive decision today, one that's long overdue. No, I didn't quit Paid Job. (Yet.)

Instead, I recommended a change in Unpaid Job's structure that hasn't been working for quite a while. It was an out-of-the-blue recommendation to everyone else, and it was a last-minute request, and I'm no longer in charge so I wasn't sure how it would go over. But everyone heard me out and agreed with my recommendation, and then later they gave me recognition. This was on the same day someone else at Unpaid Job sent a crazy last-minute request and all the other Unpaid Employees banded together via email to accommodate the request.

THIS is how Paid Job should be. No finger-pointing, no trash-talking, no pettiness. Just people who like each other, working toward the same goal, coming together in times of need.

The punchline is, I got a raise at Paid Job today. A.K.A. "HOW THEY GET YA."

Concept vs. actuality.

I like this idea in concept. The cards are kid-drawn so, therefore, uber cute and patriotic. It seems that I can enter a personalized message that isn't smarmy and YAY AMERICA! which is kinda cool. But would a soldier overseas really want to get a uber cute card with the message, "Sorry our president is an ass and sorry you're still stuck over there with no end in sight and yeah it's been almost 3 years and there's no clear goal to this... but we appreciate all that you're doing"?

That's life.

You spend 20 years of your life wrasslin' crocodiles and teasing poisonous venomous snakes, and then one day you're stung by a usually-harmless ray who probably didn't mean to do it, and who probably feels really bad about it.

Kinda makes this whole life thing seem pointless, in a way.

I finally got around to buying a hanging birdfeeder so that the merry squirrels couldn't keep eating all the birdseed. As a result, I spent a good portion of this weekend watching the birds flit and flutter about the birdfeeder. The pigeons haven't found it yet, just the cute little sparrows and other tiny frail winged things. I also spent a lot of time wondering what was going on in their brains. Not the most fruitful use of one's 3-day weekend, but it sure was relaxing.

When I wasn't doing that, or walking/running nine million miles or actively not shopping in an effort to save money, I was watching TV. Several times I saw a new car commercial which has the woman getting up and doing her daily routine over and over, and then she happens upon this brand new fancy car and it's all HOLY LIGHT and HALLELUJAH and THE EARTH STANDS STILL.

I'm getting tired of waiting for my car.

That's life. And so I will make oatmeal cookies for my team meeting tomorrow, and I will consume my weekly ration of pizza and wine, and I will watch Nip/Tuck, and I will go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This is not Chappelle's Show.

But his Block Party is well worth your 1 hour 51 minutes... even if you have no interest in hip-hop or the Chappelle Show.

Oh, and I want to marry Mos Def. Probably not bloody likely. Just putting it out there in the interest of full disclosure.

Seriously, *I'M* not their target demographic?

Trader Joe's did me wrong today. I went out of my way to shop there, with three specific items in mind (plus the usual cheap wine and milk and yogurt and all that stuff).

Did they have low fat Irish cheddar cheese? No. Mini zucchinis in a bag? Uh-uh. Soy mayonnaise? Nope. In fact, it's been discontinued.

HOW CAN TRADER JOE'S DISCONTINUE SOY MAYONNAISE?? That's just wrong.

So I went next door and wandered aimlessly around the GINORMOUS Safeway looking for soy mayonnaise. No luck there either, which didn't surprise me. But can I just say... Holy hell, that's a big Safeway.

"You have a freak flag. You just don't fly it."

Don't be fooled by the trailer... The Family Stone is actually a very good movie.

My heart hurts.

Oh, Hal. It's like a car wreck. But how can I NOT watch??

[Editor's note: This f'ing thing is TWO HOURS LONG??? Holy hell. Oh and despite the pain of the other "performers," Hal did remarkably well given that I only know of his love of KISS.

If only it was actually for charity. Or maybe if Michael Bolton or Randy Travis wasn't involved.]

A case of the Tuesdays.

Next time I decide to take a sick day, remind me not to do it on the anniversary of a major natural disaster and subsequent national debacle. Sooooo not helping the mood.

Right Said Nnej.

Usually I don't consider buying a magazine based solely on a cover caption. But today at the grocery store I resisted the urge to buy this. It was hard, but I resisted.

So sexy it hurts!

"Good evening, godless sodomites."

As he so blatantly pointed out during an award intro with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert lost to BARRY MANILOW. That was the only time I laughed out loud during the show. There's still 47 minutes to go, but I'm pretty confident that my statement will hold out. (And still I watch. Every fucking awards show, I watch. MTV Video awards this Thursday! Have I seen a music video in the last 12 months? Nope! Will I watch? Hell yeah!)

Not coindendentally, all the Arrested Development (read: genius) actors lost. To? WHO THE HELL CARES? has-beens. Or who-the-hell-are-they? shows.

The Emmys are sooooo last year... Even Her Majesty agrees.

Musicpalooza.

There's now a DVD that recounts some of the more famous performances in the history of Coachella. Since I am officially proclaiming myself "too old" to attend a festival like that (3 days sleeping in a tent then standing and sweating in the dirt amongst thousands of young hippie types all day), I got to live vicariously for an hour and a half. Three observations:

1. Must download everything by this band.
2. These guys might be surprisingly good live.
3. (Found while poking around after seeing a brilliant performance on this DVD) So this is why they're so hard to see live.
   

Otherwise, unless you want to see the Pixies reunited, or Morrisey being... well, Morrisey, or you're curious about The Polyphonic Spree, I recommend skipping the DVD and attending the show instead.

I also finally got around to renting this, which chronicles the work of Spike Jonze's musical adventures. Three revelations:

1. Spike went backward before going backward was cool.
   
2. Chris Walken can dance! But you probably already knew that.
   
3. Oh, HE'S the one that did that genius Fatboy Slim video. I'd forgotten all about that.
   

There's also a fascinating documentary about rodeo boys in Amarillo, which I found much more succinct and engaging than this documentary about country boys.

(Oh and also, I still. Still. STILL. love Adam Horovitz.)

Arrrr.

That does it. I'm moving to Portland.

"Everybody just pretend to be normal, okay?"

You know, about 10 minutes after it starts, how it's going to end. It's the in-between that is worth the price of admission.

Gasp and swoon, an actual Friday five.

Five things that made me tired this week, in no particular order:

• squirrels on my balcony, irritating my cat and eating the birdseed (at least they were merry)
• hearing "this powerpoint is great, but it doesn't tell a story" ... OK, I'll get on that, right after nap time - what are we, in kindergarten, for Christ's sake??
• the third phone interview for the third job I have not actually applied for, where people are eager to hire me to do the same job I'm doing now (a.k.a. the job I am least interested in doing), for the same money, plus a longer commute
• drama drama drama drama drama
  
• staying up too late and getting up too early... not funny - but true
  

Probably shouldn't post this on ye ole dubya dubya dubya...

(But when has that ever stopped me before?)

I went in search of specific photos tonight. I have so many of them, I just know I do. Sadly, it seems that I left all my bershon photos in Maryland. Here in my California apartment, I do have lots of photos of me + alcohol! Go figure.

But in the true spirit of bershon, I bring you the shark gingerbread house. Created by me and another clearly-single person, upon completion it sat in a coworker's office until I noticed bugs crawling on it about a year later. Note the attention to detail! The gummy heads on stakes! The food coloring running down the fangs at the front door! What bitter creativity! Low sodium! No calories!

Weekend box-office summary: IT WAS NUMBER ONE, BABY!!

Email from a friend:

> Subject: Snakes on a Plane Soundtrack
>
> This is the first time I've looked at an album on iTunes and seen the
> little "Explicit" label on EVERY SINGLE SONG.

My reply:

> That's because it's SNAKES... ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!

I can't wait to see this movie.

I like to watch.

Last week I did an exercise in which I had to state where I fell on the "relationship/task" continuum. You'll be shocked to learn that I was practically falling off the edge of "relationship."

Later that day I did another exercise in which I had to state what drains me, what re-energizes me, and something else. I thought the answer I gave to "what re-energizes me" was pretty lame at the time - I said I liked being alone and watching lots of TV. Lame ... but true. I also like to hike and write and be artsy and do charitable work, but under the pressure to answer the question those replies didn't occur to me. (Or maybe I was just thinking about what I'd rather be doing at the moment the question was posed.)

Today I was thinking about my answer, and I decided it's actually not lame. I was a sociology major in college - I was taught to observe. With TV, with most media actually, I don't care much about the plot. I just enjoy observing how people interact with each other. It's fairly easy to skip past the Hollywood spin of "how people are supposed to act" and find the real world of "how people do act."

And the best part is that I don't have to be personally involved with any of them.

Keys left hanging in a swinging door.

This is the third month in a row I've forgotten to pay a bill. It's been a different bill every time, but this month I got dinged because it was a credit card bill.

Considering my wall calendar is still on July, and my America: the Calendar daily calendar hasn't progressed past August 1, I'm doubting one of these on my desk at home would do me any good. If I keep forgetting to pay my credit card bill, I won't be able to afford it anyway...

________________
Really now. $88? Who actually buys those things??

Belated Friday five.

Five memorable things about my Half Dome hike this weekend, in no particular order:

• Waiting at a 45 degree angle to go up the cables during the last 900 feet of the hike.

• After making it to the top and enjoying lunch and the view, waiting at a 45 degree angle to go down the cables while the MOTHERFUCKING JACKASS who stopped right in front of me halfway down flirted with some girl, who was on her way up, and after about FIVE EXCRUCIATING CABLE-HOLDING minutes (complete with me saying "yeah could you move it along now?!" several times VERY LOUDLY) had the gall to ask for her phone number. He's the one on the right - I wish I had a shot of his head so that if you ever saw him, you could hit him upside it. (My arms didn't have the strength after the climb up and down.)
• Literally THE only acceptable phone message to leave using your cell phone while resting at the top of the peak, amongst the many I overheard: "Yeah, hi, this is [insert name] - I just got your message, sorry about missing work today... um, , I totally spaced and I take full responsibility... I'm at Yosemite right now so I won't be coming in... so yeah, I'll talk to you next week." (Also known as, every phone message I will now leave every time I don't feel like going to work.)
• The cloud that looked like a chocolate Easter bunny.
• Looking at the full hike the next day and saying with nonchalance, "yeah, we did that."

On the other hand ...

... today I spent a good portion of the day looking around in admiration at these really smart people I have the privilege to work with. (Well, most of them are really smart, anyway.) It occurred to me that instead of bitching and moaning about my self-imposed weaknesses, I should be grateful and honored that I was asked to participate, and participate to whatever extent I am comfortable and confident.

Then I got a little sad about the thought of leaving because I wouldn't be working with these people anymore.

Then I thought about day-to-day life at work and remembered that I could always meet these people for happy hour after I start a job I actually enjoy ...

Two reminders to visit the strangers to the left.

Exhibit A. (I can't stop laughing.)

Exhibit B. (Although I'd venture to say that she looks more like a Garbage Pail Kid, or that scary little girl in Finding Nemo... or an Eels album cover... than anything Tim Burton could come up with. But I have to agree with the "looks like something a emo girl would have tattooed on her lower back and then publish a picture of on her MySpace page" sentiment.)

"But mostly I call him Dairy Queen."

This makes me very sad.

But not nearly as sad (and disgusted) as this. (Don't click on it. Just don't. I seriously hope this dude is completely mentally incapacitated. Otherwise... I know people who have guns that I can borrow. And I know how to use them.)

And now for some cute animal cruelty! (Click on this link. Please. Click. Now. It's nauseatingly cute. The 2 min 10 second mark brings you this exasperated beratement from the owner: "Tsk... He just doesn't care.") Well, um, yeah. Because he's a TURTLE. A damn cute turtle.

Yunno... If I had any kind of sophisticated videocam ability, I would soooo be YouTubing Her Majesty's recent fondness for "swimming" (where she lies on her back and waves her arms in the air when I rub her tummy).

Thank GOD I do not have any kind of sophisticated videocam ability.

Somewhat related... I was reading a New Yorker article on the evolution of Wikipedia today, and the founder basically said one of the few checks and balances about posting on the site - content must have been published previously - was developed to ensure that the site didn't turn into people paying homage to their pets.

Appropos of nothing, today's featured Wikipedia article is about cane toads. "Sometimes I call him Greeny, sometimes I call him Red, sometimes I call him Cane..."

Next thing you know, I'll be a football wife.

For someone who has deliberately removed ESPN, ESPN2 and any other sports networks from her pre-programmed TV scanning, I sure have watched a lot of sports entertainment this weekend.

I'm in the process of finishing up Sports Night.* I really don't understand why they cancelled this show, other than the observation that, as with most second seasons, this one's second season is slightly weak. They're busting out all this relationship crap, and someone's in therapy, and now the two co-anchors are fighting about salaries and status. I'm pretty sure that given another go, the third season would've come around and I'd still be watching the show on network TV. But then Peter Krause wouldn't have done Six Feet Under, and... Well, in the end, I guess the tradeoff was fair.

And then today I saw Tassafranga... Tallafrasca... That Will Ferrell Nascar movie. (I can never remember the real name of the place.) It was as good as "they" say. Kinda like Dodgeball, only kicked up a few notches with all the visible ad-libbing and Ferrell's stellar-yet-subtle parody of George Bush throughout the film.

________________
*I'm starting to think the networks have it in for Ron Howard. Both Sports Night and Arrested Development were cancelled after two seasons.

... I guess it takes more than two occurrences, and the same network responsible for both, to make it a true conspiracy though.

New slang.

The best part about being done with marathon training is that I don't have to bug other people to F5 the ticketbastard site at 10am every other Sunday to buy me tickets to a show.

And the best part about today is that I got a ticket for the Decemberists in October. This is turning out to be the year of good shows.

They're crumbelievable.

I have recently fallen in love with Stacy's Pita Chips and Morningstar Farms Chik'n Strips. (Though it still bugs me when meatless products call themselves "Chik'n.")

I'm now on a mission to find new favorite foods that ends in "ips."

They say I'm mental but I'm just confused.

Make that three times this past week I've run (if you assume a Sunday->Saturday week). The original plan was to run around the lake twice, just to get some distance in since I'm no longer running those long Sunday runs. But it was hot. And I forgot my iPod armband holder thingie so I had to hold it the whole time. And I didn't have any water with me. And it was hot. And I'd only eaten some yogurt and granola all day. And did I mention it was hot?

It's not that I couldn't have run around twice, easily. I hope I can get back into the mentality of running longer distances by myself. If not, or at least until the weather cools off, I hope running 3 miles 5 times a week burns as many calories as running 5 miles 3 times a week.

And I hope I can drag my ass out of bed 5 mornings a week.

Belated Friday five.

• 5 = days I actually had to work last week (oh the HORROR!!).
• 4 = songs they played last night that I really, really wanted to hear (my favorite song, my next misguided wedding song, that song that all the older folks in the crowd knew because they play it on KFOG and it's not their greatest song by far but it always puts me in a good mood, and the song I dedicate to work).
• 3 = I forget what 3 was for.
  
• 2 = times I ran last week (it was supposed to be 4, oh well).
  
• 1 = weekends in the past year I've slept past noon (today).
  

When I woke up tonight I said I'm gonna make somebody buy product.

I don't care that selling out isn't really selling out if you're a small(ish) band that is just trying to make some money. I don't care if it exposes you to new audiences and helps you pay for your tour expenses and hookers and drugs.

However!! It REALLY bugs me that I just heard a somewhat clever Franz Ferdinand song as the background to some hair product commercial. And the other oldie but goodie that soon followed - ""CRUMBELIEVABLE""??? The dumbest, yet catchiest, and best, (and only?) song EMF ever did is selling a goddamned Kraft product for people too lazy to shred cheese??

I know I'm repeating myself, but PEOPLE, PLEASE. This is even worse than no one making a decent, brand-new movie because all the movie makers are too lazy to create something new. Instead they just want to remake, sequel, remake, sequel, remake*.

________________
* Oh come on. It's been made in some shape or form already.

First rule of life: never call it "a case of the Mondays."

That's how my day was. From cover sheets on the TPS reports... to flair... to 'can I get that in cornflower blue?'...

Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?

This is my life and it's ending one minute at a time.

43 lines about one woman.

> 1. FIRST NAME? jennifer
> 2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? i believe my name is informally carried on from the countless virginias of the family
> 3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? some bloody soup commercial, i'm sure
> 4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? not at all
> 5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? morningstar farms "chicken" patty
> 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? most days, yes
> 7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? exhibit a.
> 8. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? who, me? neeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrrrr.
> 9. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes
> 10. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? no but i want to skydive someday soon
> 11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? grape nuts
> 12. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yes - how else would I take them off?
> 13. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? most days, yes
> 14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? ben & jerrys peanut butter cup
> 15. WHAT SIZE SHOE? 7
> 16. RED OR PINK? neither
> 17. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my temper
> 18. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? at the moment, riley
> 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? raiders satin jammies (yeah baby) and no shoes
> 20. LAST THING YOU ATE? carrots and a piece of buttermilk oatmeal bread
> 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? alton brown's new show
> 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? cerulean - cool name, vibrant color
> 23. FAVORITE SMELL? fresh baked bread
> 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? a friend from my unpaid job
> 25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? left hand, ring finger
> 26. FAVORITE DRINK? a good merlot
> 27. FAVORITE SPORT? hockey
> 28. EYE COLOR? hazel
> 29. HAT SIZE? small
> 30. CONTACTS? sometimes
> 31. FAVORITE FOOD? pizza
> 32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? scary movies
> 33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIES? clerks 2
> 34. COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white (with raiders logo... i am all about the coordinated jammies, my friend)
> 35. SUMMER OR WINTER? winter
> 36. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs
> 37. FAVORITE DESSERT? fruit... or a nice port
> 38. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? the brothers k
> 39. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a ouija board
> 40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? behind the scenes on good eats, then a bunch of sports night episodes on dvd (i forgot what a great show that was)
> 41. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? beatles
> 42. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? sydney
> 43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? maryland

I wish my cousin would stop sending me these things. I just cannot resist no matter how hard I try. Or, I wish the questions were about things people might be interested in. Cupie doll for the person who asks the most bizarre question in the comments...

Of all the entries in The Office promo contest...

... and believe me, I just wasted a shitload of time watching a bunch of them ... I think this one is my favorite.

This one hit a little too close to home, though.

I am buying all their albums IMMEDIATELY.

Four guys + one fun song + six treadmills + one take = another GENIUS video from OK Go...

Technology at its finest.

I was doing a little shopping yesterday and overheard two teenage cashiers talking about the girl's failing relationship. The girl mentioned that she was going to have to end it, and joked that she might just put it on his MySpace page.

Now, I knew Kid Rock was lame, but I never thought he could be even lamer than a teenage girl's bad joke.

Why I am single ...

... exhibit #679.

Ever since I read this, it's been really hard to watch her show without wanting to throw things at the screen whenever his face appears. She adored him, clearly, and this is how he pays her back... Niiiiiice.

This is the life.

Woke up fairly early, spent an hour at the gym. Came home and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast before heading to the city for a facial. Did a little shopping, went to a volunteer meeting, then headed to ceramics class.

Oh yeah, I could be retired.

Breaking news!!

We interrupt this blog to bring you BREAKING NEWS!! We just had an earthquake... We don't know the magnitude, the damage or if there were any injuries. We just wanted to plant a little fear in your House-watching hearts!!

And now, back to your show.

Why I love Owen Wilson...

... exhibit #427.

(I dunno why but this really made me laugh.)

Damn Yankees.

And this was like Fight Club meets Bend It Like Beckham meets The Outsiders... Only a little more predictable.

However! At least I got my ironing done while I was watching it.

All I want for Christmas is...

... this guy. Or maybe these guys.

And suddenly, the plot thickens.

I got REALLY SICK of hearing about the Mel Gibson debacle REALLY QUICKLY... Especially being on vacation this week and doing lots of channel surfing during my extended breakfasts. Even CNN was covering the story, every hour on the hour, for pete's sake. It was all too stupid and attention-grabbing and "so what if Jesus was Jewish Mel made a lot of fucking money off that 'film'."

Then I heard that he had to halt plans for a miniseries about the Holocaust... and I just had to sigh at the irony. And hope for his swift demise. Or at least pray for a good South Park episode about the whole thing.

If there is a God in heaven, Tom will be next...

"Sir, this is the DMV, not a dating service."

It was like Fight Club meets Memento meets "Sloth" from Se7en... Only a little more predictable.

However! Never let it be said that Christian Bale will not go to extremes for a character role. {Yeeeeeesh.}

Can I call 'em or what...

I was pretty much right on the mark on this one, only I DID get the jokes - I just didn't think they were funny. Whatever keeps Jason Mewes sober, I guess. Kevin Smith does have a knack for creating believably intimate scenes* between characters, I will give him that. (And the Star Wars/LOTR scene did make me laugh out loud several times.)

On the other side of the genre spectrum was Shopgirl. I think I liked it. Mostly, it just made me sad. But I'm liking Jason Schwartzman more and more.

________________
* To clarify, I'm not referring to the donkey/Sexy Stud scene - I mean the ones between Becky and Dante. (Yeah, it was that kind of movie. Sigh.)

Belated Friday five.

Five things I WILL NOT miss about marathon training, in no particular order:

• 7am Sunday runs
• Gatorade, Clif bars, Clif shots, Gu, etc.
  
• no wine on Saturday nights
• aches, pains, blisters, ice baths, sunburns
  
• the first three miles of each long run
  

Five things I WILL miss about marathon training, in no particular order:

• burning 2000 (+/-) calories a week without trying too hard
  
• drinking lots more water out of sheer need
• having the metabolism of a 14-year old boy
• having a milestone to work toward
• ... OK I can only think of 4 things I will miss

I hate the TV.

Tonight, I'm not really in the mood for the movies Netflix has sent me. So my choices for TV viewing are between four stupid reality shows on network TV, four stupid reality shows on cable, and fifteen reruns of Law & Order on various cable stations.

Seriously.

OK, I might exaggerate a bit on the Law & Order reruns. Some of them are actually CSI reruns...

The best thing about working when you are supposed to be on PTO.

The best thing about working when you are supposed to be on PTO is that you can constantly say out loud, to no one in particular, "I'm not even supposed to BE HERE today!!"

Yeah, I will see the sequel. I fear it will be a lot of jokes I just don't understand because I'm not quite there yet, and I will wish it had never been made, and I will go home and watch the original just to reaffirm that there was a time when Kevin Smith was in the same mental space as me.

But yeah, I will see the sequel. And tomorrow, I am ON PTO. DAMMIT.

There comes a time...

... when this is no longer news.

"This is a world getting progressively worse. Can we not agree on that?"

I need to read the book. But I hear this was pretty close. And apparently a fairly timeless story, sad as that sounds.

And now, your moment of Zen.

Belated Friday five.

Five movies the latest, slowest, longest movie I have ever sat through blatantly stole from, in no particular order:

• The Princess Bride
• that Indiana Jones movie where he runs away from the ginormous boulder rolling down the hill at him
  
• Jaws
• Apocolypse Now
• um... Creature From The Black Lagoon
  

I dunno. I was bored. I was terribly, terribly bored. So this is how I entertained myself for 2.5 hours. There may have been some of Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil as well... that had cajun voodoo types, right?

I also found it hard to believe that Orly said this trilogy was his most physically trying role yet. After all that running and jumping and acrobatics with the hobbits! Seriously?!

... Of course, I'll be seeing the third. After all, it's just time.

Urban livin'.

Today on the bus coming home from the BART coming home from the airport (spare the air!), I was sitting near a mom and her very cute smallish child (no older than 3). They were quietly playing "guess that sound" and one of the sounds she made was a "weeeeeawweeeeeawweeeeeaw" sound, which to the untrained ear sounded mostly like an ambulance or possibly a police siren.

When she asked him what made that sound, he promptly replied, "car alarm!"

I wasn't suprised when they got off the bus near my old neighborhood...

Yunno...

I try not to buy into celebrity fuss unless it's confirmed and/or remotely interesting... But I find the whole concept of baby Suri being a farce ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.

"'Cause they don't make no songs like these - PERIOD."

Nice little ditty about a girl and her brother. I can relate.

With my brother, it was allllll about the music. Kiss, or Run-DMC, or Led Zeppelin. I was forced to memorize many a song by all of these bands. Fortunately I have blacked out most of the Kiss songs. But I still love Zeppelin. And I have a very fond memory of being about ten years old, playing H-O-R-S-E in the backyard, and alternating the lyrics to King of Rock over, and over, and over, and over again. (He was Run, I was DMC.) To this day I still remember most of the words. Once in a while I find myself singing this song in my head during boring meetings. It's quite empowering - "You can't touch me with a ten foot pole and I even made the devil sell me his soul!" Try it sometime.

My brother is the reason why - to this day - I firmly believe that Kashmir is the greatest song ever written, why I listen to Black Sabbath now and then, why I own any concert t-shirts (my birthday or Christmas gifts from shows he went to and I didn't - bastard), why I went all old-school and saw Pearl Jam last Saturday (and it. fucking. ROCKED).

He's also the reason I can spell "beginning," why I have a fondness for Baby Ruth candy bars, and why seeing a pile of stuffed animals makes me want to hurl them across the room. But those are stories for another day.

Bloody hell, indeed.

Her Majesty spent most of today (when she wasn't whining for food) stretched out on the tile whining about the heat. WTFE, man. I'm off to miserably hot, humid L.A. for five days. Woo-hoo.

Kidding, it will be fun. There will be lots of painting and decorating and furniture-arranging and artwork-hanging and a trip to the San Diego Zoo. And of course lots of eating and consumption of good beer. And most importantly, catching up with an old friend.

In miserably hot, humid housing that probably does not have air conditioning.

Yarg.

Now accepting ideas.

Recent attempts to remind Her Majesty that she's already eaten her dinner even though - YES! I am in the kitchen again! and YES! chances are likely that I will be in the kitchen AGAIN in the near future! oh, what a crazy world this is, that it doesn't revolve around YOU! - include:

• placing the "stop global whining" refrigerator magnet at her eye level
• berating her for whining for her food at 1:30pm... "this is what happens when you want to eat 5 hours early... didn't I warn you? didn't I?! now go eat your crunchy food"
• leaving her empty food plate and occasionally plopping her down in front of it while saying "see?? SEE???"
  
• offering her sour cream and cranberry juice to prove that I am not getting her more food

Yeah, none of that worked. How do you keep your pets out from under your feet in the kitchen?

Again, I'm hearing the Bridgekeeper's voice.

OK Connie, I'll bite. Subject to change with my mood of course. (For the record, I have never found James Lipton pretentious - he seems to always laugh - at himself, or with others - how can that be pretentious? Annoyingly organized and thorough, perhaps. But not pretentious.)

What is your favorite word?
"freedom"

What is your least favorite word?
"nu-cu-lar"

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
anything that lets me dive in and lose myself in it, anything that makes me forget that the world around me exists

What turns you off?
people with no concern for anyone and/or the world around them

What is your favorite curse word?
fuck

What sound or noise do you love?
whole-hearted bone-shaking laughter, the kind that brings tears to your eyes and causes snorting and gasping for breath (particularly when it comes from someone under 5 years old)

What sound or noise do you hate?
dentist's drill

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
carpenter

What profession would you not like to do?
VP of anything

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"so you took the blue pill, eh?"

Friday five.

Five things you should be ashamed that you don't know, if you make it onto my new obsession (A.K.A. how to make all these years of couching pay off), in no particular order:

1. the name of the Simpsons' dog
2. the name of the oldest Cosby kid
3. the source of the quote "So it's sorta social... dimented and sad, but social, right?"*
   
4. whether Tupac ever won a Grammy
5. the TV show whose theme song begins, "what ever happened to predictibility? the milkman, the paperboy, evening TV?"
   

Seriously. Shame on you people. SHAME!!

________________
* I can forgive the other four. But a 20-something fresh-out-of-college boy didn't get this one. WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THESE DAYS?

Low-priority defect in today's plan.

A wise man once said, "sometimes, you just gotta say fuck it." Myself, I say that all the time. (Does that make me wise too?!)

Today for example, I was going to:

• stay late and wrap up something so it would definitely be done before my vacation
• go to the gym for weights
• walk to the grocery store for dinner supplies

Today, I ended up:

• leaving at 5pm with the thing unfinished
  
• skipping the gym (and exercise altogether)
  
• driving to the grocery store

And now here I sit, with a glass of wine, getting ready to make homemade pizza and learn just why Jesus is magic!, and I realize that the trial marathon last weekend is finally catching up to me. As the week has progressed I have grown more and more tired throughout the day, and yesterday and today I literally ate a meal or snack every hour on the hour.

I'm banking on the final step in today's expected plan (food, wine, and aforementioned movie plus starting in on season two of Dead Like Me) being thwarted by the actual event of me eating pizza, having two more sips of wine, falling asleep on the couch in about an hour and waking up around 11am tomorrow.

I'm okay with that.

"So, why do you create such powerful female characters?"

Brilliant answer here.

Recently viewed.

Everything Is Illuminated ... another book in the long list of books that never should've been made into a movie. Brilliant acting, but the story was completely butchered in translation. (Do yourself a favor, read the book.)

The Outsiders re-release w/new score and commentary by some of the actors ... hear Rob Lowe whine about every single scene where he was supposed to have more lines! Hear everyone rag on what a competitive showoff asshole Tom Cruise was! (Unlike the aforementioned - what a great adaptation of book to movie. Timeless.)

The Dying Gaul ... it had me until about halfway through. Should've been left as a play.

I'm sorry, but...

... I just don't think I could date a guy named "Fred." No offense to anyone named Fred, of course. I feel the same way about the name "Boris."

I heart Topher Grace.

The plot was stupid, on the surface. But it starred Laura Linney, Topher Grace, Gabriel Byrne and Marcia Gay Harden... so I had to check it out.

Have I mentioned that I heart Topher Grace? I mean, I loved him on That 70's Show - hell, I loved them all. Well, except for Wilmer. But while the other goofballs have chosen similarly goofball film characters, he hasn't. (Yeah, okay, he's only been in a few films. And yeah, the rest of the cast hasn't really broken out in the film arena. And yeah, okay, there was The Butterfly Effect - an attempt at seriousness, I suppose.)

But it's pretty obvious, as the E! documentary about the sitcom stated, that while others were honing their partying skills, he went home and... oh I dunno, looked for good roles. (Yeah, okay, so I didn't watch the whole documentary.)

Anyway. The plot was as stupid as it might sound. But the performances were fairly moving, especially the scenes between Linney and Grace. I can't honestly say that I don't recommend the film.

Have I mentioned that I heart Topher Grace?

I really need a hobby.

For the OCD, or the overly-bored.

Damn you, Connie! Now you've got me doing it. It's like an addiction I can't shake, and I don't even know what the purpose is. As is true for most things in the World Wide Web.

Pathetic attempt at artsy photo, take #1.

We're not gonna pay...

I'm probably not winning points with Hot Building Manager by making him call me to remind me to pay my rent this month. "Um, yeah hi, my bathtub is still leaking and did you know the dryer is broken oh and also I'm a flake!"

Niiiiice.

GAARRRRRR!!! And not in the good pirate way.

Note to readers: do not sign up to take over something of mine if you don't have the time, energy, or wherewithall to take it on with any amount of significance that will take the burden off me. Because it will only serve to PISS ME OFF.

Fuck this online dating crap.

This was actually a question on the profile thingie. "Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life?" Is it bad that the only person I could honestly name was Michael Stipe?

So I'm reading through my initial profile matches and the first one I read is that of a guy I met through Match.com last year and didn't really hit it off with. BAH.

So then I go on to complete more about me... And under the "Can't Stand"s:

• one is labeled "LAZY : I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting or being a couch potato." I RESENT THAT!!! I am NOT lazy!! I just enjoy a fine balance of exercise and loafing!!!
• "I can't stand someone who swears or uses inappropriate language or humor." WTFE.
• "I can't stand someone who loves to talk about other people." Does Dishing count?

This would be an interesting experiment, if it wasn't so freaking expensive to join. I wonder if "you get what you pay for" comes in here. Match.com is much cheaper... and it shows.

Questions of the day.

Do people who use eHarmony listen to Live 105? Like Fight Club? Drink beer? Ride motorcycles? Mosh?

The commercials imply not.

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

The semi-annual "I don't want to grow up" post.

A combination of recent events, namely TV-watching events, specifically The Constant Gardener and Pearl Jam on VH1 Storytellers, have gotten me to thinking again. Never a good sign.

I think part of the reason I'm so reluctant to join the adult world is that I don't want to lose my cynicism. My drive toward the greater good. My spare time to make a contribution to something worthwhile. So many of my friends who have houses and/or kids only have time for their houses and/or kids. Both are, of course, worthwhile endeavors, don't get me wrong. Time-consuming worthwhile endeavors.

I have a recurring conversation with a friend at work about how he wishes he had more time and energy for social activism, but after a full work day, house chores on the weekends and constantly keeping up with the kid, it's just not there. So I try to stay socially active because I know he cannot.

What does this have to do with The Constant Gardener or Pearl Jam? The former, I'm not entirely sure. I don't need a cause I would die for. I just need to care about something(s) worldly, care enough to consistently dedicate time and energy toward it. Maybe Al Gore needs help organizing his global warming conferences. I can make pretty powerpoint graphs as good as the rest of them.

The latter... [If you don't know of, or care about, the grunge phenomenon you can stop reading now.] I can't talk enough (no matter how hard I try! and no matter how much people ignore me!) about how music is such a part of my life, and this particular era had a HUGE influence on me. Suddenly people cared in their angsty ways of caring, they were pissed off - and at the time, just coming out of my whitebred suburban shell and seeing some of the injustices in the world, I could relate. And then a few years later, many of those same people (those who weren't in rehab, anyway) went off, got married and had kids, and suddenly all was right with their world. (See: Ed Kowalczyk/"Heaven." BAH.)

The guys in Pearl Jam, wives and/or kids in tow, are clearly still pissed off. And I like that.

No, you REALLY shouldn't have.

My neighbor and I have a catsitting deal which has worked out very nicely. Her furry friends are sweet and cuddly and she seems to adore Her Majesty. There's only one problem with this deal. Whenever she gets back from a trip, she brings me a thank-you gift... which of course is unnecessary in the first place. But it's becoming more and more unnecessary with time.

This most recent trip of hers won me something straight out of Country Living. (Nothing against that style - it's just not mine.) Now, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because it's so nice that she even thinks to bring me anything. And I usually try to bring her something she might like when I go away on trips. It's just that it's hard to hide a "not-your-style" gift away in a closet when you know the person will be in your living room in three weeks to catsit. I've tried the old "you're so thoughtful to always get me something but really, it's not necessary" line before each trip... to no avail. The strangest part is that she has generally good taste, and she's seen my decorating style many, many times.

So I hereby give you all permission: If I give you something that makes you later scrunch your nose and wonder why the hell I thought you might like it, please feel free to hide it, give it away, whatever. I won't be offended. Promise.

Say what you will, I loved Serendipity.

It's true. I did. But this wasn't me.

In other movie-related news... I wonder exactly how much of the Princess Bride I can recite from memory, having watched it nineteen times on video plus every time I run across it on TV?

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

A heartbreaking work of staggering reality.

Julianne Moore has played her share of housewives in turmoil. But her performance in this film was remarkably engaging. It was based on the memoirs of one of the ten children, which made it even more believable (because, well, it was true).

Woody Harrelson put in a stellar performance as the alcoholic father, and the best part about this movie is that it was the first Woody film I've seen in a long time where I could watch him onscreen without thinking "tree-hugging oxygen-bar-sniffing pot-smoking vegan." Excellent role choice, sir.

________________
Did you know that Woody is on the board of the directors for the Ex'pression Center For New Media in Emeryville? So says IMDB.

Dishing.

I lost my arms and legs and all I got was this lousy iPod.

100% stolen from BWE: "He’ll need at least that many if he wants to fulfill his dream to start his very own cult."

One thing about living in California I never could stomach, all the damn Coreys.

I strongly disagree.

I really don't understand how people can try to get you to sign a petition or answer a phone survey without being able to explain the purpose of the petition/survey. I just got a call from someone wanting me to answer some environmental questions, and I spent a good 10 minutes trying to understand the purpose of the survey, who it was for, what greater good the responses would serve. She couldn't answer, so I hung up.

Occasionally I get phone calls asking me to give my opinion on certain songs played on the radio. I'm happy to sit through those - especially when it means I can say "don't ever play that again" about Creed or Nickelback songs. Or "we need K-GAY more than once a year."

The Sperm and the Dysfunction.

That what this film should've been called.* I cannot express how tired I am of the recent outpouring of films depicting minors and their engagements with sex on various levels. This film also featured a twelve year old drinking routinely, with no reprimanding from the parental units. Bonus!!

I guess this is to be expected in this day and age.

I guess this irritates me because I am just getting old.

I don't know which of those two statements is more depressing.

________________
* Although I have to admit that Laura Linney gave a stellar performance.

Meet your lobbyists.

I saw Thank You for Smoking right around the time of my America: The Calendar "Meet Your Lobbyists" daily entry.

(Money given in 2000: $112,188,449 but only on a contingency basis.)

It was pretty good, to a point.

(Represents: Themselves... and very well, we might add.)

And then it got a little trite. But then it got better again.

(Recipients of their largesse: Let's see, who amongst our nation's lawmakers might have interest in the law...)

I wish I could lobby. I couldn't debate my way out of a paper bag. Well, maybe a wet paper bag.

May I maintain my youthful look and appearance for years to come.

Anderson Cooper's iTunes playlist bugged me... I mean, Smashing Pumpkins? The Clash? New Order? Come ON.

And then I read this. And it all made sense.

Pre-Friday why's.

In no particular order...

1. Why do the cutest shoes always hurt your feet SO BAD??
2. Why does being sick curb your appetite?
3. Why do I insist on sitting through every Quentin Tarantino endeavor?
   
4. Why do people commit to things they can't possibly do?
5. Why can I walk just fine, a mere 5 days after running 23 miles?!
   

Payin' it forward.

To make up for my truly ridiculous day today, I went to my unpaid job meeting even though I was feeling kinda lousy (because of allergies, not because of my day per se). And despite the fact that I had way too much to contribute to a marketing conversation, I felt good when I left.

Afterward I went to the grocery store and when I got in line, the guy who got in line behind me only had two items so I insisted he go in front of me. The next person behind me forgot her Safeway card and they were all out of "loaners," so I lent her mine. And I brought my own canvas bag, so I didn't have to feel guilty walking out with nine thousand plastic bags, all double bagged, and no I don't need help out thanks.

I better do something evil tomorrow, lest I jinx myself with all this good-deed-doing.

The only two things that overalls and a bandana around your hair really call for.

1. Going to see A Prairie Home Companion - which was actually a cute little film. Before you mock - my college roomie was from Minniesooooota and therefore a HUGEMONGOUS Garrison Keilor fan, and I got to know his stuff (good and bad) - and also my dad practically raised me on bluegrass. Top off with overalls and a bandana around my hair, and I was quite at home... although probably the youngest in the theater by about 30 years.

2. Calling home afterward and hearing about all the cousins who are pregnant (and the fathers are either in jail, or "of another race and comes from a cult," or not willing to marry just yet). My extended family is like a bad after-school special. And that's why I love them.

In 10 words or less...

Bee Season: the highlight was seeing the Kwik Way - read the book.

Rent: more theatrical than the play, but just not the same.

Elizabethtown: yeah, RIGHT.

Friday five.

Five (or so) things that make me happy today, in no particular order:

• that going to Google, typing in "miserable failure" and hitting "I'm feeling lucky" still takes you here*
• organic peanut butter when it's first opened and stirred - all runny and the perfect consistency for pouring over ice cream
  
• a cat who is eating regularly again (oh and also penicillin... penicillin makes me happy)
  
• being encouraged to eat all the complex carbs I can possibly eat prior to Sunday's run
• buying a ticket for LA to help a friend paint her newly purchased townhouse (and coincidentally getting a much needed break - I'll take painting over work any day)
  

________________
* Seriously, you would think they'd have found a way to make that stop. The fact that they clearly haven't bothered to try, just makes me happy in and of itself.

FUO!

No, it's not what you think. (OK, I don't really know what you could possibly be thinking, but it's not THAT.)

It's a Fever of Unidentified Origin. Yunno, I've been watching X-Files reruns lately, and frankly I think today's vet saw the same episode I did. That is to say, he made that shit up. Which just further proves the point that I should be a veterinarian. (Can't I just substitute a semester of making shit up for biochem? Damn that biochem!)

One sleepless night of poking and prodding to make sure she was still alive, two milliliters of antibiotics and two fluid injections later, Her Majesty's FUO has subsided and she is eating again. My plot to get her to eat again involved bringing a handful of food wherever she was laying looking miserable at the time, and putting it right under her nose. She bought into it. So much so, that for a little while I thought that might be my life from there on out. But she finally remembered the food bowl, which holds much more of a bounty than my little hands can carry. Whew.

Anyway, today's vet didn't seem to think it was anything to worry about, so I'm to continue antibiotics for six more days (at 6am and 6pm - yes, that's 6am - woohoo) and all should be fine.

All this was very good news because it meant I got to see a very good play tonight, written by Alan Ball (who scripted American Beauty and Six Feet Under among other things). So you know it was funny and fucked up all at the same time. My favorite kind of story.

And in other news....

WHY. WON'T. SHE. JUST. DIE.

Girlfriend in a coma.

Well, not really. But when I got home from work today, the usually whiny-waiting-by-the-door-FEED-ME-NOW Her Majesty was sitting in her kitty bed by the balcony. She didn't get up when I walked over, and she looked awfully lethargic. She tried to stand up, which lasted about 10 seconds before she eased herself back down to laying, and I had flashbacks of my old cat Spanky who went into a coma and died from a kidney infection. So of course I rushed her to the emergency vet. (I would've done so even without the flashbacks, of course.)

Turns out she is suffering from the equivalent of a human's 103.5 degree fever, with no other symptoms, and the emergency vet couldn't offer a reasonable explanation for it. So they gave her some fluids, and she's on antibiotics, and I'm to monitor her temperature (FUN!) for the next day or so and escalate to the regular/emergency vet as needed.

She's now sleeping, or trying to sleep between me poking and petting her to make sure she's still alive.

I wish that she could talk. Or at least that she could understand me. 'Cause I would hate anything to happen to her.

________________
The weirdest part about the evening is that I walked out with two X-rays of my cat's internal organs. I have to surrender them to her regular vet should she become worse, but for now they're kinda interesting.

Mock me if you must.

Tonight is the series finale of Everwood. Yeah, it's cheesy. Yeah, real life doesn't really work like this. Yeah, even more so since that Party of Five guy came on board. But I will miss it. And not just because I have an unprecedented crush on Treat Williams (which originates from his Hair days). That's a big reason, but not the only reason. OK, Ephram is kinda hot too. Young, but hot.

Sad but true. This is my life.

Got it, Al... now can you please explain global warming to my cat?

It has been BLOODY HOT in my apartment the last few days. BLOODY HOT. So I've been avoiding it as much as possible. Adding to that is my new Sunday afternoon tradition of going to a movie (two weeks in a row makes it a tradition right?). Since I run on Sunday mornings, usually by about noon I've had enough of Mr. Sun and I like to hide out in dark, cool places.

Her Majesty, as you know, does not have that luxury. And so she loafs. And stretches out on the bathroom or kitchen tile to stay cool. And whines. A LOT.

Today, because I've apparently just been too happy lately, I decided to see An Inconvenient Truth. To my surprise, I left the theater in a good mood. The film itself was interesting, there were lots of pretty graphs (and we all know how much to trust pretty graphs! - kidding, he seems to have been doing his research these last 25 years), lots of pictures of melting ice caps, some humor and just enough of a peek into Gore's life in an attempt to convince us of his conviction (but not enough so that it was personal). It worked for me.

I did leave wondering what else I personally could be doing... I mean, I recycle everything I can possibly recycle (except food scraps, unfortunately my neighborhood isn't there yet). I take the bus to work, I drive my fuel-efficient car no more than 10-15 miles a week on average, I support worthy environmental organizations, I have living breathing plants on my balcony. Right now I can't do much about energy-efficient appliances, other than use the energy-efficient washer/dryer in my building (which I do) versus going to the cheap laundromat up the street.

And then it hit me - I could be working for an environmental organization that supports animals! It could possibly give me the animal interaction I seem to crave without the biochemistry requirement. And I would be contributing to the future. Hmm. There really might be something there...

Thanks Al! Sorry you "lost"!

Friday five: time suckage

While you were wondering how to pass the time on Friday, I was wasting mine on these items, in no particular order:

• But it looks like www.psychotic_celebrities_everyone_hates.com is still available. Whew!
• Jared? Clay?
  
• Unrelated, but not really, Jared? Clay?
• OK seriously, who's the REAL douche bag here, I ask you?
• How much time will pass before it's absolutely impossible to create a brand-spanking-new melody, and more importantly, why does Tom Petty care?
  

Eh.

Friends with Money: Olivia (or possibly Jane*) = me in nine years.

Junebug: Not sure what all the fuss was about.

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* (who screams at people who try to cut in line ahead of her)