Not even close to Wednesday three.

Three questions I'm tired of answering in response to my food intolerance, in no particular order:

• "What's in it?"
• "Jeez, why are so many people gluten intolerant now?" 
•  "Aw, so no more cookies?"

(The last two would be totally valid questions if they weren't uttered in a disgusted, unsympathetic way.)

And my answers, respectively:

• This is a question I ask myself about almost everything I eat right now.  I am tired of hearing myself ask it, no matter how good I feel.  Because inevitably it's something I really want to eat but there is something in "it" that I shouldn't eat - case in point, peanut sauce yesterday at the sushi restaurant.  We didn't even ask, mainly because I wasn't too sure how accurate the answer would be, so I just enjoyed the veggie roll without delicious peanut sauce or soy sauce.  This too shall pass (patience patience patience).
• "Because there is no food in our food."  This is not some trendy Portland thing.  My general health over the last few weeks is testimony to that.  My theory on the increase in symptomatic people, after trolling the internet for the past few weeks for information and recipes, is that many people are intolerant to potato, gluten, corn, dairy, you name it... but modern medicine can't diagnose it.  A regular doctor might give a food allergy test but this wouldn't identify intolerance per se, just things that make you swell up and/or die if you eat them.  And why are we intolerant to all of these things?  Because we've spent a century eating processed crap and fast food.  I recently watched a documentary on diabetics who went on a 30 day raw diet and almost all of them were able to go off their insulin.  That's insane to me.  And the more people identify their food intolerances successfully through non-western means, the more other people go to naturopaths for relief. 
• "You want delicious cookies?  Learn how to bake."  I also got this question the last time I quit my job, and this was my answer then too.  In all seriousness though, there are yummy treats I can still eat, but I still love to bake and baking gluten-filled sugary goodness takes less effort (and cash) sometimes.  So yes, I will still bake. 

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much though.  Because this is still new to me, I initiate or instigate many of these conversations, so as soon as I get tired of talking about it I'll stop having to answer the questions.  Patience patience patience.

Early Wednesday three.

News you can use times three, in no particular order:

• MMMhop, ba duba dop, ba du bop, ba duba dop, ba du bop, ba duba dop, ba du...
• Kermit is a commie! Story at 11.*
• Oregon is AWESOME, in case you weren't aware.
  

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* And my one run-on sentence review of The Muppets: I want to watch it again (and again) on DVD so I can fast forward through all the Amy Adams/Ms Piggy crap and enjoy everything else a second time, especially "mee mee mee mo!" (for which I might have to put in a ringtone request).

Pre-Wednesday three.

Three amazing things I learned about today, in no particular order:

• Trent Reznor is ready to let go of the steering wheel.
• I hope it's a musical.
• Why I will never go to a haunted house, exhibit #9.
  

Wednesday three.

The best thing about no Facebook has been that I've managed to catch up on the bazillion items in my google reader subscription list. I know, I know - I've traded one time sink for another. But seriously, does Facebook have gems like these:

• "The glass is half full, you know why? Because someone bumped my arm, and now half of my drink is gone!" (from here)
• the cutest monkey EVAH!
• poor T-Rex (I feel his pain, I always lost the "shotgun!" game too)
  

?? I ask you!

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And also, OMG this is going to be an HBO series? If only Alan Ball was in charge...

And also, sweet.

Three point five hours shy of a Wednesday three.

Three films I saw over the weekend, in no particular order:

• Pearl Jam Twenty: probably only for die hard fans so it's good that I am one - Cameron Crowe did a really, really great job.
  
• My Own Private River: a compilation of extra shots from My Own Private Idaho that Gus Van Sant (in a possibly ill-advised state of mind) consented to James Franco making into a movie.
• My Own Private Idaho: to remind myself that the original was really brilliant and I miss River Phoenix.

I can't leave the last two at that though. The original was filmed in Portland twenty years ago, so the "remake" screening was a benefit for a local nonprofit theater, and I happily paid a hefty price to be able to sit 10 feet from James Franco and Gus Van Sant for 30 minutes while they explained Franco's interpretation of the film. The film itself... Well, I hadn't seen the original in years and I meant to watch it before the benefit but didn't get around to it, so I'm sure some of it was lost on me.

(Digression: As a result, after the viewing I tried to Netflix the original ($^%& new Netflix! NOTHING WORTH WATCHING IS STREAMING!) and then drove to the local rental place to snag the last VHS copy they had.

Yes, I still have a VHS player. In case you needed more proof that I am behind the times. End of digression.)

All in all, I thought Franco did a much better job capturing the intimacy between the two main characters and explaining the overall story... but I also thought it was about an hour too long. A combo of the two would have been amazing.

The original is still brilliant, although somewhat misguided in its attempt to incorporate Shakespearean dialogue. (Our street folk are good, but they're not that good.)

I was actually a bit surprised to learn it was filmed in downtown Portland. One of their frequent run-down haunts is a frequent more-upscale happy hour haunt for us twenty years later.

Kinda neat.

Kinda weird.

Not even remotely Wednesday three.

Three movies I saw in the last week, for $3 at our local pizza pint picture house, and my favorite new way to review them, in no particular order:

• Super 8: JJ Abrams has officially redeemed himself for Lost: Season 6 (and maybe 5), and it fills me with joy to know that today's youth have the equivalent of ET and The Goonies.
  
• TrollHunter: Adding Norway to the list of places to visit in the near future, and Norwegian Ninja to the list of movies to see immediately.
  
• The Tree of Life: I have probably seen about 500 movies in the theater and never once fallen asleep... until yesterday.
  

Wednesday three.

Three things that did not suck today, in no particular order:

• being extremely hungry around 10am, lamenting the fact that people only seem to bring in food when I've eaten a proper breakfast, then happening upon a non-advertised batch of yummy fig/blueberry muffins by the printer
  
• a random high five from a coworker as I passed him in the hallway
• using the secret phrase* with another coworker to get off of a post-5pm, long-winded, non-work-related phone call

Bonus TTDS to round this out to an even five:

• shoe shopping at lunch (but OMG, can someone please explain these to me?)
  
• the last of the leftover pepperoni pizza from Sparky's

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* I'd tell ya, but then I'd have to kill ya.

Really late Wednesday three.

Three things that did not suck today, in no particular order:

• Muppets: the Green Album on NPR's First Listen... I love about half the songs and this sentence makes up for the other half: "The kids who grew up with them are now adults and want to give back. We live in cynical times, but listening to The Green Album is a nice reminder of the joy and beauty that remains."
• deciding that actually? my living room arrangement is just fine the way it is, thank you very much, and scrapping plans to move furniture tonight
• still hurting from the Kings Mountain hike two days ago
  

All that said, I do not recommend Sunday early evening beach lounging. It was so hard to leave last night, and I was cranky the whole way home, and I realllllllllly did not want to get up this morning. I've got to do something about this.

Early Wednesday three.

Three songs I do not want to hear at 6:45am on a Monday, in no particular order:

• Rat in a Cage - Smashing Pumpkins
• any version of Smoke Two Joints
• Animal - Nine Inch Nails
  

94.7, please take note.

Belated Wednesday three.

Movies that have made me think more than once this past week about quitting my job and traveling the world because life is too fucking short to spend 2080 hours a year sitting in a cubicle staring at a computer screen, in no particular order...

One Week: But first, a disclaimer. I am not ashamed to admit that I watched Dawson's Creek back in the day. Not religiously or anything - I mean, it was no My So-Called Life - but enough that I can tell you all about the characters and their intertwined high school dramas. I didn't care for the lot of them in general, because as with The Hills or Glee, WHOSE HIGH SCHOOL LIFE IS LIKE THAT??, but I did have a particular fondness for Joshua Jackson's and Michelle Williams' characters. (And the later addition, Michael Pitt, who has gone on to do some amazing things. Unlike our friend Mr. Dawson.) So I tend to follow those actors and in general, this has served me well. One day when I'm ready for more crime scene investigation shows I might even hop on the Fringe bandwagon.

So anyway, this guy (played by Jackson) unexpectedly finds out that he has mad crazy cancer raging through his body and he will die any minute if it's not treated, or possibly in a few months if it is. (Note: spoilers follow but I suspect I lost you with the DC reference so I have no preconceptions of you actually queuing this film anyway.) He does what any rational person would do - ditches his fiance, buys a motorcycle and heads west across Canada taking pictures with the "world's largest bacon slice," "world's biggest set of false teeth," etc., and so on. And he has some revelations and a love affair and then apparently he does the next thing any rational person would do - gets treatment and survives and writes a book about it.

The point is... Actually, I don't know what the point is. Maybe that's the point. But I liked this movie a lot. I watched it during a break from crisis mode at work and it was helpful perspective. A bit predictable, so take the recommendation with a grain of salt.

Keith: Another disclaimer. I hate that I have seen A Walk to Remember more times than I care to admit, but I have. It's a big reason I didn't subscribe to cable when I moved into my new apartment a year ago (I get sucked into all this sentimental crap! I do not need to watch The Lake House or 13 Going on 30 or In Her Shoes one more time!). Anyway, Keith is at least three times better than AWTR - in a surprisingly refreshing reflection of what high school IS really like, it's a combination of teenage cruelty-meets-teenage superstar-meets-tragic ending in a way we haven't quite seen before. The actors did a fantastic job and the end to this one is also predictable, but I am not ashamed to say that I liked it a lot.

Hesher: A third disclaimer. I will go on the official record to state that I will watch anything Joseph Gordon-Levitt puts his name on from now until eternity. In most cases I will pay money to do so. Hesher, a story involving death and grief and pain, features JGL shirtless for a good portion of the film. As with the other two, I saw the end coming about 10 minutes into it and as I predicted, I didn't like it, but I always hate endings anyway. Oh and also? Rainn Wilson like you have never seen him. I was never a fan but now I am.

And a final disclaimer: it's not just about the movies. My mom has recently shared some pretty nontrivial health issues that are causing her to contemplate how much she wants to invest in herself (lifestyle- and financially-speaking) when in reality, she could die tomorrow regardless of whatever she chooses. Generally speaking I'm okay with the circle of life stuff (and so is she) but between her choking up on the phone telling me, and me feeling guilty for adamantly wanting to be so far away from the east coast, I'm having a hard time with all of this.

On the up side, it makes me want to run that half marathon over July 4th weekend even more than I did before. Two weeks off training and allergy season settling in nicely here in PDX, but tomorrow? Ten miles, here I come. Or at least eight. Eight would be okay.

Wednesday three bordering on crazy cat lady post.

I've been catless for over two years. I have enjoyed my various local no-planning-required weekend jaunts (and that four-month-foreign-country foray) immensely. I also started Auntie Jen(n)'s Kitty Camp for friends while they are on extended vacation. Guaranteed unconditional love and no charge to parents other than the cost of food, litter and any other supplies - which they've already purchased so they just drop off along with Kitty. This summer features a newbie whose parents will be checking out Sweden in a few weeks and a camp regular (and let's be honest, a camp favorite) whose parents are getting married and going away for their honeymoon later this summer.

Anyway. I think that's the level of feline commitment I'm willing to make at this point. I considered volunteering with the Oregon Humane Society but they require 12 hours a month (and about $50) which amounts to about 20 hours a month just from figuring out how to manage 12 volunteer hours a month. Frankly, I'm just not ready to give up that much free time so if I want to pet cats without having to deal with potential adopters (aka PEOPLE), I'll just wander through my neighborhood. And donate the $50.

However, certain things still make me miss Her Maj. I have had lots of cats in my life but this gal really stuck with me. Three of these things in no particular order:

• I still wait for the yowl and leg weaving when I open a can of tuna. Still. Probably will until the day I die. It looked a lot like this.
  
• Friends are coming to visit this weekend. As I was cleaning over the last few days it occurred to me that I haven't vacuumed since the last time a friend visited... at Thanksgiving. The lint tray in the dryer is always pretty clean when I pull it out. And the bathroom (where I would normally store the litter box) just required a quick wipe-down. Anyone with a cat will grasp the significance of any of this.
  
• All this baking lately! Back in my cat lady days, when I would cook or bake for friends I would scrub counters, ensure preoccupation of the felines in other rooms, before/after run everything through the dishwasher religiously, and promptly store dishes and utensils safely away to ensure no cat hairs would encroach. Now? Eh. Wash my hands and hope for the best. Wash dishes by hand, air them dry - or not - and maybe, eventually, throw it all into the cabinet or drawer.

All that said, I miss that little cat. So to bring some good karma into the picture I bring you my favorite Her Maj posts:

• Like this one.
• And this one.
• Or perhaps this one.
  

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Also, why I don't own a house: cleaning took me about an hour. An HOUR!! I spread it out over three days just to reduce the agony. THE AGONY!! I actually spent more time cleaning my car than my apartment.

And! It's also likely that Kitty will go home with an exciting new toy that I can't resist from Pets on Broadway so really, I lose and the parents and Kitty make out on this deal. I reaaallllly need to figure out how to market this widely (and change up the model so that I can live off the income).

Early Wednesday three.

To counteract three recent pieces of news that totally suck (two personal, one public), here are three things that absolutely don't suck. In no particular order...

• perspective
• endless volunteer opportunities like this one
  
• Z-Trip Presents: All Access Beastie Boys Megamix
  

Oh, and ice cream for dinner doesn't really suck all that much either.

Wednesday three.

Three things that always make me smile, in no particular order:

• Harry v Animal
• anything by Chris Leavins
• Plywerk newsletters
  

Miles Standish proud. (Not quite Wednesday three.)

Stalking YouTube again... this time for REM covers:

• Begin the Begin - The Decemberists feat. Peter Buck
  
• Hairshirt - Glen Hansard
• Orange Crush - Editors and We Are Scientists
  

The first two are wonderful. The latter is by two bands I'm supposed to like but just can't get into. This certainly helps their case.

Random bonus cover: Michael Stipe and Billy Bragg doing their version of Tom's Diner. A very dear old friend had purchased a Tom's Diner cover album (wow, 20 years ago... am I THAT old?!) and I snagged a copy of this version via cassette tape (OK, yes I am that old). Anyway, I want to marry whoever got this on video because it makes me laugh every time I hear it.

Wednesday three.

• Who gave Band of Horses some happy pills and a new name? Liking this a lot.
• When I die, I want to be reincarnated as Mark Morford.
• Yes, Virginia, there's an app for that.
  

Nowhere near Friday five.

Five airplane etiquette rules, in no particular order:

• The aisle is not a bar and this is not happy hour... particularly when it's a four hour flight. Please sit down and be quiet.
  
• Chatting loudly (while seated across from each other) about how rude it is for others to stand in the aisle and chat loudly like they're at happy hour, is just as rude.
• Don't start the sudoku game in the in-flight magazine unless you plan to finish it. (Attn: me.)
• Use your seat's arms to help you stand up, not the back of the seat in front of you. Your triceps will get a nice workout and the passenger in row ahead won't be rudely awakened whenever you have to pee.
• Every time you slam your tray table up or down, or type fervently on your laptop which is sitting on your tray table, a puppy dies. It's true. A CUTE LITTLE PUPPY. Be gentle, people.

(Now get off my lawn?)

Early Wednesday three.

Best three things about visiting the right coast, in order of importance (for once):

• Any self-respecting bar - and I mean BAR, not sports bar - has at least one TV showing the hockey game.
• Family and friends.
• Every visit further cements the fact that I belong in Portland.

(I'll let you guess whether this list goes from most->least important, or vice versa.)

Wednesday three: come and see.

Three songs I love to hear on cold, rainy Portland winter days, in no particular order:

• "Dry the Rain" - The Beta Band
  
• "A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity To Be Free" - Elliott Smith
  
• "Company In My Back" - Wilco

There is a great YouTube video of the first one, without heads in the way or people talking over the sound or just a shot of an album cover with the song playing in the background or someone covering the song. The other two? Just trust me. They're good rain songs. I miss Elliott Smith.

Bonus Wednesday three... Three songs I love to hear when the rain is blowing sideways in sheets and you can't feel your fingers or toes, in no particular order:

• "The Island" - The Decemberists
• "Waiting for the Bus" - Violent Femmes
• "Engwish Bwudd" - Man Man
  

And you?

Wednesday three, part two.

Three things that made my day yesterday, in no particular order:

- The news that Larry King is FINALLY retiring! Long overdue.
- An amazing shiatzu/acupuncture combo appointment. I was exhausted last night... but in a good way.
- Remembering to sit on the left side of the plane to Oaktown, and seeing every mountain in the greater WA/OR on a beautiful, clear evening.

Positivity oh-ten, transition June, rejoining the real world - whatever is inspiring this good feeling, I'm rolling with it.

Wednesday three.

Three songs that got me through a particularly rough June, in no particular order:

• We Sing In Time - The Lonely Forest
• As I Rise - The Decemberists
• Half a World Away - R.E.M.
  

(Inspired by Squeaks.)