TGIFFF.

a word to the world
consultant and mind reader
are not the same thing

But what doesn't suck at all...

... is that Auntie Jen(n)'s summer camp is open for bidness!


(Looks a little familiar, eh?)

Guess what it is today?

currently having
a love/hate relationship
with my work ethic

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

You know how you never really believe in all that astrology crap, especially the mass-produced horoscopes that are almost always so generic and based on major world events? But every now and then, you read one, and you're all "OMG DUDE that is totally spot on!" And it motivates you to do that thing you were on the fence about doing that is probably a really good idea?

I think that qualifies as an awesome thing. Don't you?

________________
Subject - thank you, and hope you're still RingIP, George Carlin.

In case you haven't been to the eye doctor lately.

Wild onion:

one...


... or two?

Bleeding hearts:

one...


... or two?

Wild iris:

one...

...or two?

Thank you, Clackamas River Trail, for making up for lost wildflower time.

Getting my groove back.

Most people who know me know that I've had my share of therapy. Probably not enough, in fact, but I've found that pretty much everyone is in need of a little therapy now and then.

This past winter was pretty rough for many reasons. One of these reasons had to do with not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. Okay, I know we never ever really know what we want to be when we grow up, but I'd gotten to the point (again) where I felt like there should be more to life than pushing paper in cubeland, no matter how worthwhile cubeland professed to be. This, along with several other reasons that I won't go into here, encouraged me to get some help moving past the winter "meh."

So I went back and did some soul-searching. Part of my work this time involved an incredibly tedious and annoying but informative exercise where for every hour of every day I wrote down what I was doing, who I was with, and how I felt.

Every. Hour. Of. The. Day. I did this for three weeks straight. Did I mention that it was tedious?

What I knew was reinforced - I am happier during creative endeavors, I like community and camaraderie (and yet, like Randall, I hate people, how ironic), I like closure and I don't like spending days on end updating spreadsheets or having my time wasted. So that's helped shape my recent work and life pursuits.

The best side effect of the tedium was learning how to be in tune with my mood at any given moment. It sounds so simple, right? I'm happy/not happy RIGHT NOW because... But instantly recognizing where you're at (and how you got there, and how to redirect the negative energy into something positive) is not always easy, or pleasant, for that matter. Sometimes things build up in your subconscious and your pencil point breaking during a meeting can be the cause of your meltdown, and that's just the way it goes.

It's still a work in progress (and I suspect this will be true for the rest of my life) but I've definitely enjoyed the power of tuning in and then turning off or redirecting as appropriate. On top of this, yoga has helped with reminders to be present and put things into perspective. Will anyone die because the client gets a deliverable that's 90% instead of 100%. Um, no... and it's pretty likely they won't even notice the 10% of diminished return.

Unless they are a crazy perfectionist like you. In which case, you both need a vacation already.

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This post brought to you by the top five regrets of people on their deathbeds. I'm taking #2 and #5 to heart.

Thought o' the day.

There is nothing more sad than fuzzy cheese.

(Related advice o' the day: do NOT Google "fuzzy cheese." Seriously. DO NOT. Just know that I am talking about the leftover brie that gathered some moss in my refrigerator... and nothing else.)

Not nearly as disgusting as it sounds.

And best of all - free!

Belated Wednesday three.

Movies that have made me think more than once this past week about quitting my job and traveling the world because life is too fucking short to spend 2080 hours a year sitting in a cubicle staring at a computer screen, in no particular order...

One Week: But first, a disclaimer. I am not ashamed to admit that I watched Dawson's Creek back in the day. Not religiously or anything - I mean, it was no My So-Called Life - but enough that I can tell you all about the characters and their intertwined high school dramas. I didn't care for the lot of them in general, because as with The Hills or Glee, WHOSE HIGH SCHOOL LIFE IS LIKE THAT??, but I did have a particular fondness for Joshua Jackson's and Michelle Williams' characters. (And the later addition, Michael Pitt, who has gone on to do some amazing things. Unlike our friend Mr. Dawson.) So I tend to follow those actors and in general, this has served me well. One day when I'm ready for more crime scene investigation shows I might even hop on the Fringe bandwagon.

So anyway, this guy (played by Jackson) unexpectedly finds out that he has mad crazy cancer raging through his body and he will die any minute if it's not treated, or possibly in a few months if it is. (Note: spoilers follow but I suspect I lost you with the DC reference so I have no preconceptions of you actually queuing this film anyway.) He does what any rational person would do - ditches his fiance, buys a motorcycle and heads west across Canada taking pictures with the "world's largest bacon slice," "world's biggest set of false teeth," etc., and so on. And he has some revelations and a love affair and then apparently he does the next thing any rational person would do - gets treatment and survives and writes a book about it.

The point is... Actually, I don't know what the point is. Maybe that's the point. But I liked this movie a lot. I watched it during a break from crisis mode at work and it was helpful perspective. A bit predictable, so take the recommendation with a grain of salt.

Keith: Another disclaimer. I hate that I have seen A Walk to Remember more times than I care to admit, but I have. It's a big reason I didn't subscribe to cable when I moved into my new apartment a year ago (I get sucked into all this sentimental crap! I do not need to watch The Lake House or 13 Going on 30 or In Her Shoes one more time!). Anyway, Keith is at least three times better than AWTR - in a surprisingly refreshing reflection of what high school IS really like, it's a combination of teenage cruelty-meets-teenage superstar-meets-tragic ending in a way we haven't quite seen before. The actors did a fantastic job and the end to this one is also predictable, but I am not ashamed to say that I liked it a lot.

Hesher: A third disclaimer. I will go on the official record to state that I will watch anything Joseph Gordon-Levitt puts his name on from now until eternity. In most cases I will pay money to do so. Hesher, a story involving death and grief and pain, features JGL shirtless for a good portion of the film. As with the other two, I saw the end coming about 10 minutes into it and as I predicted, I didn't like it, but I always hate endings anyway. Oh and also? Rainn Wilson like you have never seen him. I was never a fan but now I am.

And a final disclaimer: it's not just about the movies. My mom has recently shared some pretty nontrivial health issues that are causing her to contemplate how much she wants to invest in herself (lifestyle- and financially-speaking) when in reality, she could die tomorrow regardless of whatever she chooses. Generally speaking I'm okay with the circle of life stuff (and so is she) but between her choking up on the phone telling me, and me feeling guilty for adamantly wanting to be so far away from the east coast, I'm having a hard time with all of this.

On the up side, it makes me want to run that half marathon over July 4th weekend even more than I did before. Two weeks off training and allergy season settling in nicely here in PDX, but tomorrow? Ten miles, here I come. Or at least eight. Eight would be okay.

Two down...

... three to go.