Like the words of a song I could not forget...

I had to call someone named "Desiree" to get some information. I couldn't stop singing this song in my head afterward. Which brings us to five things that didn't suck today:

• Neil Diamond. Neil Diamond never, ever sucks. Sometimes he's not what you want or need to hear, but he never, ever sucks.
  
• The cheese plate at mandatory fun hour this afternoon. That was some good cheese. The crackers were pretty good too.
  
• Figuring out the root cause of a big problem with someone I really enjoy working with, even though the root cause essentially ended up being our collective fault. I learned something useful and I got to work with one of my favorite people. So that was good.
• Her Maj is drinking lots of water, even though she stopped eating this morning. We have an appointment with the specialist on Tuesday. Tomorrow she's getting her weekly injections which always make things better (until about Tuesday, so that all works out I think). I am dealing with all this information pretty well despite the week-long out-of-country vacation coming soon and rapid depletion of the house fund. Although I'm not sleeping much. Meh. Sleep when you die, eh?
  
• The prospect of wearing out my very generous Regal Cinema gift card I got for my birthday in prep for Oscar voting. I can't win, obviously, but it's still a competition between me and you.
  

Friday five.

Five pet peeves, for the lamest Friday five in the history of Friday fives, in no particular order:

• people who email me X information, then leave me a phone message to say they just emailed me X information, then they stop by later to make sure I got X information (ummm... YES ALREADY and the TPS report will be on your desk Monday)
  
• people who sign their work emails "- Best," (what does that even mean?! especially when it's a passive aggressive email?!)
  
• people who take forrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr to make a point and include countless bits of trivial information they've already shared on numerous occassions to make said point
• people who stand on the corners holding clipboards*
• people turning right who almost run me over when I start to cross the street on the walk sign**

________________
* This evening I walked home from work and actually went three blocks out of my way to avoid the Pioneer Square "petitioneers." When I do have run-ins with them, I am rude to them, which is not fair because they care about their cause or just want to make a buck, and I always feel embarrassed afterward. But godsdammit, it's annoying.

** Unless someone has a passenger bleeding out of their eyes or with a baby about to crown, this is unforgivable. My friend waves at the driver when this happens. I wish I had her degree of anger management on this issue.

I'm sorry.

I have no list of five things that don't suck. Today was pretty awful. But I'm trying to learn from it, and do things better next time.

OK, watch this again. And again and again and again. It doesn't suck. I promise.

I don't get 30 Rock.

I hadn't seen a full episode before today, now I've seen five. I love Tina Fey, I love Alec Baldwin in that role, I love the supporting characters. But I don't get why the show is so popular and wins all those awards. The story lines are often banal or predictable. The only times I actually laughed were scenes where Tracy Morgan says something incredibly inappropriate. Clearly I'm missing something. Or maybe all the stress from cat and work have warped my fragile little brain and now I just want hugs and puppies.

Man. That would suck.

Speaking of...

Five things that didn't suck today:

• Staying home sick and watching 30 Rock and House reruns all day.
• Successfully employing a combination of brute force, pill syringe and buttery quartered nasty tasting antibiotic to Her Majesty. It just went down, poof, like magic. Amazing. Each day is a new challenge in this endeavor and the same thing never works twice in a row, so tomorrow will be another fun struggle, but today was a good day. Damn cat.
• I have gained enough weight back that I can now wear all my clothes without looking like a bag lady, which means that (a) I can restart the gym regimen as soon as I feel better and (b) I will probably have to eat more to keep the weight on if I do start burning 700 extra calories every other day. (I know, I know, woe is me, right?)
• Another BSG disc in my mailbox this afternoon, which I am off to enjoy as soon as this is done.
  
• Um... slow day. Did I mention that I didn't go to work? That definitely didn't suck.
  

This one was hard. It was a long day.

We're doing a lot of interviewing right now, and I've been thinking about how I would answer these interview questions if I were on the other side of the table. Always good to be prepared. One of the questions is, "what are you proudest of in your career" followed by the downer question "what has been your biggest failure?"

I have a few project-related proudest moments, which I'm not going to blah blah blah about. But one of my (three? four?) proudest moments came with time. In my first official managerial 1-1 with a much younger staff person, I showed up with a super-long list of questions with check boxes next to each question. She basically said, "so whaddya wanna talk about?" As we went through each item I checked it off my list. The next week she had a few questions with check boxes next to them and my list was relatively shorter than the previous week. Starting with week three, she had all the questions with check boxes and I, having no check boxes, just mentored and managed and took her amazing suggestions and employed them however I could. The other day I got an email from a former coworker/still good friend saying that my "protoge" (his word) had done an amazing job in a very important meeting. This made me proud.

I've been trying to mentor my current younger coworkers since it's pretty evident I will not be advancing into management at my current company. I'm not in a position to make decisions, so mostly I provide moral support and give them suggestions for how to approach management with their ideas. One of said younger coworkers has started making lists of questions with check boxes next to them. I had to laugh to myself.

My biggest failure... I know what it is, and maybe I will write about it someday. Someday when I can figure out how I could've done things differently. Because dwelling and moping is useless but hindsighting is actually kind of productive.

So anyway. Things that didn't suck about today:

• The new M. Ward album has Zooey and Lucinda Williams. So that's pretty awesome. The album itself is pretty awesome too.
• I finally sent a thank-you card to my uncle and aunt for their Christmas gift.
  
• My cat smells like peanut butter.
  
• In case this hasn't been obvious, I really, really, really like my coworkers. Management, not so much, but my team is amazing. They keep me sane and entertained, and we all look out for each other.
  
• Tasty Bites palaak paneer w/TJ's frozen naan (heated of course) definitely does not suck. Not as good as India Chaat House but it'll do in a rainy-snowy-hell-no-I-am-not-walking-15-minutes-to-Cart-City pinch.
  

Something else tds.

I am doing 50% of this! There are no animals involved, but I'm doing it!

So that's something, right?

CCL update #97.

Three days of barely eating resulted in Her Maj reaching a record low weight of 7.5 lbs (normal weight under normal circumstances, which are a distant memory at this point, averaged 11-12 lbs). So today she spent another day at Chez Vet where she was treated to fluids, various other injections, full-fat food which she apparently pigged out on and has continued to pig out on since we got home, and... dog medicine.

Yep. That's what it's come to - she is now taking dog medicine, which is apparently successful in preventing feline nausea if given in small doses. This along with Pepcid AC to reduce stomach acid and antibiotics for the "I" in her IBD and an appetite stimulant. All of which, of course, have different administration schedules. I'm going to need my parents to send me one of their spare day-of-the-week pill boxes.

Luckily, so far, she just stops eating so I don't have to deal with the potential grossness of her disease. But then unluckily she gets down to 7.5 lbs. Damn geriatric cat. Next month she'll probably need a walker. And then she'll start keeping all the balls that land in our yard.

On another note, five things that didn't suck today (I really am trying to keep to this, at least on weekdays, but I'll save the Friday five for actual Friday fives):

• She didn't have to be put to sleep, which is seriously what I worried about until the noon call with the vet. I'm not sure why I worried about this, because I have determined that her sole purpose in old age will be to bleed my house fund dry and stress me out daily.
  
• Today the spellchecker suggested I replace a correctly spelled acronym with "peep" and, well, PEEPs are awesome.
• A friend's FB status this morning was "driving to work with the heat on HELL." That made me laugh.
• Kelly green, the color of my sweater, which my youngin coworker claimed I "rocked" today. Why, thank you! (I think.)
  
• Figuring out how to write a complicated excel formula. I tried for an hour and when it finally worked I actually did the fist in the air "YESSSSSSSSS!" Yeah, I'm a nerdgeek.
  

I found Debra Winger!

In case you didn't know, she went missing. But I found her today! She was at Rachel's wedding.

Wow. Fantastic. I started out hating her, then I felt sorry for her, then I hated her again and then I just wanted to give her a big hug. (Kym, not Rachel, I liked Rachel the whole time.) But I was never not interested in what was going to happen next. The entire cast was amazing. The hand held camera gave the illusion that the audience were guests at the party, or that this was a documentary, which made it painfully believable. (Thankfully she didn't go all Michael Pitt and suddenly stare at the camera asking, "really? is it me? it's them, right?!")

Anyway. Anne Hathaway was robbed at the SAG. Meryl, for that role, really? Lame. I suspect that Kate Winslet deserved the Golden Globe but I haven't seen that one yet so I can't say for sure.

And for the record, if I ever get married, I want THAT wedding and I'm only inviting THOSE people... And maybe a couple of y'all.

Next reply is...

"This would all be fascinating if I was listening to you." - Sawyer, season 5 episode 1.

Wordle...

Where this:

Dear World:
We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced November 4. Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and it should be fully functional after January 20. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you for your patience and understanding.

Sincerely,
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Becomes this:
Make your own!

Friday five.

Five things that did not suck today, in honor of my new goal of following along with this as often as possible, in no particular order:

• free tax advice re: moving and paying consulting taxes from a knowledgeable person
• the new Franz Ferdinand album (shhhhh... but it's damn good)
  
• REMEMBERING THAT CAT TOWN EXISTED, INTRODUCING IT TO SOMEONE, AND RE-READING THE THANKSGIVING EPISODE AT LUNCH
  
• being able to listen to David Cross's 2002 album at work this afternoon, where (among other things) he makes me laugh approximately every 2 seconds and also predicts that W would go down as the worst President in history...
  
• walking 4 miles home this evening because it still hasn't rained in days (weeks?)

However, because I can't let this go, one of the many things that did suck about today is that my VCR recorded sketchy sound, but no picture, of the season premiere of Lost. If I didn't suspect they'd replay it next Tuesday (because that's what they do), I would be seriously annoyed.

Why I love Portland, exhibit #374.

A bona fide comedy of errors.

I may have already mentioned that I suck at giving Her Majesty pills. I've never had a problem with other cats, but she's stubborn like you wouldn't believe. It always turns into this uber-dramatic-ten-minute-tragic-endeavor for all parties involved, which always ends with her not getting the pill. With her seasonal allergy prescription a few years ago, I eventually resorted to wet food w/crushed up pill, which has resulted in her sitting on my stomach every morning at 6am since 2007 howling, "HELLO WHERE IS MY YUMMY WET FOOD?" (AKA why I get up at 6am every morning.)

With her new diagnosis she now has a daily regimen of something or another every single day. Since she hasn't been responding to the old "crush it up in her food" trick, what with all the "not eating" and so forth, I did some research this weekend on tips and tricks for giving cats pills.

The first result to come up in Google was pretty much our experience every time I've attempted to give her a pill (minus the spousal assistance).

Other results suggested that I try pilling with something sticky, like cream cheese or peanut butter, which causes excessive lip-licking and poof! Pill is swallowed.

Peanut butter! My favorite food ever! Why didn't I think of that?

So this morning, without prior vet consultation (which I do not recommend, but desperate times call for desperate measures), I stuck the pill in a small blob of non-salmonella-riddled peanut butter and pried open Her Majesty's mouth.

She was not amused.

Somehow she managed to spit out the pill while lick-lick-licking the peanut butter. (Damn cat.) A second try resulted in a swallowed pill accompanied by lots of subsequent "phbbbt phbbbt phbbbt" spitting and angry glares.

When I got home today the 1/2 can of food had been eaten and she's grazing on the other half as I write. And she wasn't mad at me anymore.

I think we have a winner.

The best email subject line I have seen all day...

... goes to: "For Tue: Battlestar Galactica: Season 4: Disc 1"

My friend was kind enough to *ahem totally legally* provide me with season 4 when I was in Oakland a few months ago, but I couldn't get the files to play on my decrepit older-than-me-which-is-really-freaking-old-just-ask-my-doctor computer. I tried another avenue, a *ahem totally legal* site a friend referred me to, which resulted in a virus, a lot of "trojans" and the purchase of STOPzilla mostly because of the adorable fire-breathing monster but also because of the $30 rebate and the CNET and so on and so forth accolades.

So now I am behind and this season has already begun and I might be able to catch up in time to watch a few episodes at the Bagdad... Fingers crossed.

I am happy to know with certainty that a brand new, never seen by me House will be on in 30 minutes although I'm not really happy that it conflicts with Big Bang Theory, which is actually a really funny show. I am interested in Trust Me starting next week (Tom Cavanagh... sigh). I am thrilled that Lost premiers on my birthday although I fear the jeers I will get when I tell people that's what I'm doing on my birthday (you just don't UNDERSTAND! Sawyer... sigh). I am so looking forward to this season's America's Best Dance Crew on Thursday nights. And Friday, BSG, if I can catch up.

As far as the week goes, this just leaves a Tuesday night hole. That's OK. Yoga is at 8pm Tuesdays. I should really get back into that.

I recently read Flow at the recommendation of a coworker. It was interesting, and I definitely related to a lot of the concepts and was able to translate them to personal experiences which I've tried to recreate (but my God was the author wordy! really? another example? I GET IT already). However, I have to take issue with his criticism of television. I like to think that I choose quality television and quality entertainment in general. I like character studies. I like things that make me think and question things. I like things that unite people toward a common goal. I like things that poke fun at pop culture. I often learn something about myself or others through entertainment.

Even if that something I learn is just that there are other people like me out there, that's knowledge worth having. Especially in times like these.

Our dumb America.

Really? REALLY?

Just for that, I'm foregoing the MLK day hike and seeing Doubt instead. Gotta do my part to balance the scales...

CCL post #93.

Her Majesty has gone downhill this past week. She spent the day at the vet getting fluids and various other pokes and prods, and I took the catless opportunity to vacuum the apartment, I mean, really run that sucker (haha, no pun intended) without causing anyone sheer terror. When she got home this afternoon she actually ran all over the place for about 10 minutes in joyful bliss at being uncaged (it was really funny). She's eaten almost half a can of food (which, after not eating or drinking for almost two days, is HUGE) and she was just very interested in the cat featured in the cat food commercial on TV, so I think we are in the clear for now.

But... if you would, just send some good juju our way. I'm feeling a bit like a failure lately even though I'm not sure what else I could be doing, other than effectively giving her pills - a point of stress and unhappiness for both of us daily now, so I've resorted to crushing them up in her food which she hasn't been eating lately. I'm increasingly growing concerned with leaving her for a week in March while I gallivant in Costa Rica. This cat-with-chronic-old-age-illness is all kind of new to me - all my previous cats were outside cats who lived 3-5 years before getting hit by cars. She is almost 11 years old which is 65 in people years. I am almost 34 years old which is 87 in Jen(n) years according to my doctor's recent "um, yeah, you're just getting old" diagnosis related to my lower back pain. I always look for her when I'm visiting the folks or staying at a hotel. She's become a habit. Like my 6am coffee. Or that crack pipe I keep in the bedroom.

When that dreadful day comes and she goes, foster cats all the way with lots of breaks in between. Not committing. NOT. Mark my words.

Unimpressed. Times three. Spoilers. Times three.

Happy-Go-Lucky. I wasn't really interested in this until Sally Hawkins won a Golden Globe. Figuring it might be an Oscar contender, I caught a matinee yesterday. IMDB says it's "a look at a few chapters in the life of Poppy, a cheery, colorful, North London schoolteacher whose optimism tends to exasperate those around her." Well, they got that part right - she annoyed the crap out of me for 75% of the movie. It was a visual exploration of why I don't bother with chatty small talk and smiling all the time - bad things happen. When she was real, though, she was amazing and vulnerable and... well, real. I think that 25% of the film earned her the award. I'd be very surprised if any Oscar nominations are in this film's future.

The Wrestler. I hate wrestling. But with all the buzz about this film I thought I had to check it out. Interested viewers, be warned... The previews are deceiving but it felt like at least 40% of the movie is actually wrestling scenes. (Maybe less but it just felt like almost half because I hate wrestling.) And at least 5% of the movie is a really gruesome "wrestling" scene which caused me to physically cover my eyes for a few minutes... This is coming from someone who loved Saw the First (the only one that matters), is now obsessed with Dexter, clapped with joy during Sin City and Grindhouse, and has watched the Fight Club close-up scene where Ed Norton pummels Jordan Catalano over and over again. Maybe it was so disturbing because it was men doing that to each other for "entertainment"? Anyway, I'm really on the fence about this film. And I'm actually kind of upset that Mickey Rourke beat Sean Penn and Frank Langella at the Golden Globes - anyone* could've played Rourke's role, but Penn and Langella were born to play those roles.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I also hate westerns. Generally not a big Brad Pitt fan either - in my opinion, the highlight of his career was his small but memorable role in True Romance, followed closely by Fight Club and A River Runs Through It. But the rest - meh. However, this was one of the only 2008 Oscar nominated films I didn't see last year, and Casey Affleck has won me over for various reasons so I opted to queue it. According to IMDB, "Making James was a long and arduous process. " Yeah, well, so was watching it. I kept dozing off and eventually just gave up and took a nap. Affleck, what I saw of him anyway, was amazing and he did deserve that Oscar nod. But the rest - meh.

And I think I am the only person in Portland who opted for two matinees and a closed-blinded viewing of a DVD on one of the only sunny weekends we have had lately (and probably will have for a while). Clearly still in tourist mode.

________________
* And anyone almost did. Nick Cage was first in line, then Sly Stallone. Either of their castings would've closed the door on that movie for me for all of eternity. They had to settle for Rourke. Interestingly, Shia LaBeouf almost won the part of Robert Ford but was determined to be "too young." His casting would've closed the door on that movie for me for all of eternity. Ford was only supposed to be 19, LaBeouf is around that age, Affleck is most definitely older than me. I am starting to think Hollywood has it in for me.

"No more Tabby Paw Pie for me before bedtime!"

Last night I watched the first four episodes of Dexter, season one. If you're not familiar with it, Dexter is a closet serial killer of serial killers. A Robin Hood of serial killers, you might say.

It took me a few tries over several days to get past the first episode, mainly because the pace is much slower than a normal cop show (or a show set in Miami for that matter) and I would always turn it on when I was really tired. Last night I got bored with the Golden Globes so I decided to give it one last go.

Turns out being wide awake really helps you appreciate this show. It's dark of course, but subtle in some ways, and very cleverly written, and the actors are all amazing. I'm looking forward to where this story goes.

The last episode on the disc finished at 12:30am and I still wasn't really tired, so I read a little bit of Darkness Visible, which just happened to be sitting on my nightstand. In the first three chapters there's basically a mini-apocalypse, references to pedophilia, and one of the schoolchildren ends up dead (cause TBD - I put it down at that point and went to sleep).

I had numerous nightmares last night. Think: American Psycho + Sin City + Holocaust + ... I don't even know what. (There were fire-breathing dragons too, at one point.) They were the kind of nightmares that made me terrified to think how my brain could come up with that stuff. I kept waking up in a panic.

I think I'll save the next Dexter disc and the rest of that book for a sunny Saturday afternoon. Followed immediately by hugs and puppies. Lots of hugs and puppies. And a Tylenol PM.

"It's not lupus!"

So I've had this lower back pain for over a week now... internal pain, not muscle pain, not an external bruise. No other symptoms. I hate doctors so I did a quick scan on the interweb and noticed a lot of references to kidney stones, so I started drinking more water and the pain went away.

Almost. Now I have a metallic taste in my mouth and the pain is back. I did another quick scan on the interweb, and... Five things I'm pretty sure it's not:

• kidney disease
• Crohn's disease
• copper toxicity
• jaundice
  
• or, my favorite, pregnancy
  

So yeah yeah yeah, I will call the doctor on Monday if the symptoms don't go away. But GOOD LORD! I wonder if there's a pill for interweb-induced-hypochondria... This is worse than watching a House marathon.

I'm not one to judge, but...

I think there's maybe one single person who reads this, so this is for you.

While on public transit, ever look at someone and wonder how it is possible that they are married?

I do. All the time.

Like this morning when the woman with a ring was picking her nose quite violently on the Max. Or this evening when the youngish man with a ring was proudly describing his latest successful car heists on the Max. Or yesterday morning on the bus, when... etc., etc. I probably have a story for every single day.

I love public transit.

"And now you've given me, given me..."

"... nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams."

Another one bites the dust. Sigh.

Infotainment and so on.

With all the raving about Wendy and Lucy, I thought I would like it more than I did. It did have a John Steinbeck feel to it, it was shot entirely in Portland (so there was a lot of I know that street! I know that Walgreens! etc. going on), and Williams was spectacular and believable. She lived on pennies because she had to, not because she wanted to (like Mr. McCandless). I liked that we never learned what she was running from or to - 2009 is going to be all about living in the present for me, so this snippet of her life was all I needed. So I'm not sure why, because it should have, but it just didn't blow me away. Maybe it had something to do with all the senior citizens whispering exclamations to each other throughout the entire film. Note to self: splurge on evening movies once in a while.

Apropos of neither the recession nor dogs, with all the raving about the new Kings of Leon album, I thought I would like it more than I did. It's listenable, it's growing on me, but... Meh. Okkervil River, on the other hand, gets two thumbs way up. (I opted for a used copy of an old album - which is allegedly a precursor story to their 2008 album - to introduce myself to them. Excellent investment of my $7.) And the Helio Sequence's latest is also a winner.

But really, I just can't stop listening to this Old Canes album.

And also, I can't stop thinking that Her Maj actually enjoys going to the vet. Because she hasn't eaten all day, and last week she lost another half pound (which is the equivalent of me losing 7lbs in a week) so we are probably headed back there tomorrow. I am so going to rent her out as a lap kitty to those senior citizens in the theater today to pay for all these bills... Maybe then they will stay out of the theaters and let me enjoy the movie.

And the optimism about 2009 starts... NOW!

Friday five.

Gasp and swoon, an actual Friday five! (Whose contents derive from yesterday's activities. Natch.)

Five movies I watched yesterday, pretty much in a row on the same channel, that you don't have to ever watch, because I am here to serve as a warning to others (and also I can't shake this stupid scratchy throat and achy body and I tried reading but TV was really all I could muster the energy for, and I wanted to save Dexter for when I was feeling better and could hopefully enjoy it), in the order I watched them:

• When Harry Met Sally. This needs no hyperlink and you should watch this every single time it's on because it's one of the best romantic comedy movies ever. EVER! If you've never seen it I'm not sure I can trust you until you see it. And if you've seen it and you didn't like it, I don't want to talk to you ever again. Unless you're already married before age 40 or never made that "if we're not blah blah blah by age 40" promise to a possible future partner - in which case we just need to watch it again, with lots of ice cream. Trust me on this one.
  
• In Her Shoes. I didn't hate this as much as I thought I would when I first left it on in the background on whatever crappy cable station I saw it on, so I left it on in the background again this time. Toni Collette is one of my favorite actors. She does a really good job with this, almost as good as her job in Almost a Boy but not as good as in Little Miss Sunshine. But I get why she chose the role. Otherwise, meh.
  
• Mini's First Time. I was intrigued by the all-star cast and Kevin Spacey as producer. It started out interesting but went downhill about an hour into it. Damn you, intriguing cast list. Damn you!
  
• Flirting with Forty. OK, honestly... I think I popped over to the Iron Chef marathon during this one. This was just terrible.
  
• Prime. I didn't expect to like this and I especially didn't expect to be still thinking about this one today. I've never seen Uma play such a vulnerable role. The entire movie was fragile and delicate and engaging. I would actually recommend this one.