Not even close to Wednesday three.

Three questions I'm tired of answering in response to my food intolerance, in no particular order:

• "What's in it?"
• "Jeez, why are so many people gluten intolerant now?" 
•  "Aw, so no more cookies?"

(The last two would be totally valid questions if they weren't uttered in a disgusted, unsympathetic way.)

And my answers, respectively:

• This is a question I ask myself about almost everything I eat right now.  I am tired of hearing myself ask it, no matter how good I feel.  Because inevitably it's something I really want to eat but there is something in "it" that I shouldn't eat - case in point, peanut sauce yesterday at the sushi restaurant.  We didn't even ask, mainly because I wasn't too sure how accurate the answer would be, so I just enjoyed the veggie roll without delicious peanut sauce or soy sauce.  This too shall pass (patience patience patience).
• "Because there is no food in our food."  This is not some trendy Portland thing.  My general health over the last few weeks is testimony to that.  My theory on the increase in symptomatic people, after trolling the internet for the past few weeks for information and recipes, is that many people are intolerant to potato, gluten, corn, dairy, you name it... but modern medicine can't diagnose it.  A regular doctor might give a food allergy test but this wouldn't identify intolerance per se, just things that make you swell up and/or die if you eat them.  And why are we intolerant to all of these things?  Because we've spent a century eating processed crap and fast food.  I recently watched a documentary on diabetics who went on a 30 day raw diet and almost all of them were able to go off their insulin.  That's insane to me.  And the more people identify their food intolerances successfully through non-western means, the more other people go to naturopaths for relief. 
• "You want delicious cookies?  Learn how to bake."  I also got this question the last time I quit my job, and this was my answer then too.  In all seriousness though, there are yummy treats I can still eat, but I still love to bake and baking gluten-filled sugary goodness takes less effort (and cash) sometimes.  So yes, I will still bake. 

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much though.  Because this is still new to me, I initiate or instigate many of these conversations, so as soon as I get tired of talking about it I'll stop having to answer the questions.  Patience patience patience.

I need a modified V-chip.

Did I mention no grain + dairy within 4 hours?

D'oh.  Or duh.

Pretty sure the reason I felt crappy yesterday was the yogurt and me-friendly granola.  The reason I felt a little crappy this evening was the cheese and me-friendly crackers.

I'm trying not to feel defeated.  Really, I'm trying.  But I'm sad again.  I was so excited to find granola I could eat, crackers I could eat.  I forgot the combo part. 

But - beets and greens and walnuts and goat cheese?  Fine!  Pesto and turkey meatballs and spaghetti squash?  Fine!  (I {heart} spaghetti squash - I actually just did a little dance thinking about pesto and spaghetti squash.)  Strawberries and me-friendly granola?  Fine!

Until I get in the habit, though, if I could just get a short shock every time I think "me-friendly" means I can eat it with whatever, that would be great.  Can someone hook me up?

In the meantime I'll just keep eating lots and lots of bacon.

Whiskey is fine. Something else, not so fine.

Currently on day 7 of this adventure.  I can't believe how fine I've felt.  It's been a bit disorienting, actually, waking up in the morning really ready to face the day.  I'm trying not to be sad with all the time I've lost feeling crappy.

I've confirmed that whiskey is fine (hooray!), and trace amounts of iodized salt in peanut butter and Earth Balance butter are fine (double hooray!  or the other hooray around).  In the last few days PIC and I have spent lots of time in grocery stores reading labels.  It's both informational and time-consuming, and has led to several results that have made me very happy:

• actual rice cakes (that have no wheat or potato) and peanut butter as dinner on Friday
• Mary's Gone Crackers crackers that I can eat with whole milk cheese 
• quinoa pasta that was awesome with some leftover pesto
• and lots of obvious choices of fresh fruits, veggies, and whole milk dairy products

And several results that have made me sad:

• "natural flavors" are in EV. ERY. THING - do you know how hard it is to avoid "natural flavors"?  what the hell is a "natural flavor" anyway?
• yeast (that I should not consume) is in Bundaberg Ginger Beer, our staple in New Zealand that I was so excited to recently find in Portland
• and in general, I can't believe all the processed crap that's in the food I once ate

PIC and I have also spent lots of time reading recipes, and carefully following them, or carefully modifying them to not include wheat and potato, and up until today I have felt amazing.  So that's all good.


But today was the first day I felt crappy.  Really, utterly, like-before crappy.

I'm really not sure of the cause - we had very-me-friendly huevos rancheros (with allegedly me-friendly corn tortillas that I had with no problem yesterday) this morning, then yogurt/fruit/(allegedly) gluten-potato-free-granola for lunch, then greens and black eyed peas and bacon for dinner, with some me-friendly crackers and cheese in between.

But sometime between morning and lunch I started feeling crappy.  Perhaps it was something in the salsa with breakfast?  It seemed OK, other than the iodized salt and possible trace amounts of "natural flavors".  And then for some time after lunch I felt really crappy too.  Perhaps the granola wasn't as me-friendly as it claimed to be? 

I really don't know the cause.  I do know that after about 6 hours and a dinner of greens, black eyed peas and bacon, I feel much better.  I guess I'll just have to try the salsa and granola in silos and see what happens.

This is going to be a lot of work.  Mentally, physically and emotionally.  But after a week of feeling good, I'm up for it...  Thank goodness it's a short week.

I predict a lot of salads in my future.

Day 4 of feeling great - so far, so good.  I had a momentary panic about figuring out where to go to lunch today to celebrate something with a coworker, but then my smart partner in crime reminded me that sushi is fine.  So the coworker and I enjoyed a lovely sushi lunch in the park.  And last night after wandering around adult night at the local children's museum slightly tipsy and starving, PIC and I discovered a delicious rice chip type concoction which blew me away. 

Fake meat is not okay (sadness = no more 'chicken' salad from DC Vegetarian, no more Morningstar 'chicken' nuggets, no more tofurkey sandwiches).  But real turkey is good, and I secretly really love turkey. 

I ate half the package of turkey last night
(not eating carbs makes one pretty hungry!)

I also not-so-secretly love bacon which is totally fine.  Coffee is fine, whole milk cheese is fine, Breyer's ice cream is fine and as I already mentioned, wine is fine.  The jury is still out on whiskey, but I'm giving it a try tonight just to see what happens.  (So far, so good.)

But yes.  A lot of salad in my future.  Three cheers for Portland summer farmer's markets!

Lots and lots of tots. And then there were none.

Operation Get Healthy began with a naturopathic appointment to assess fatigue and chronic stomach pain a few weeks ago, a potato and gluten intolerance diagnosis on Thursday (plus no dairy within 4 hours of grains - I KNOW, right??), followed immediately by a blow-out gluten, potato and dairy/grain-filled weekend in homage to all the food I will not be eating for the next month while I try this diet out to see if it helps.

so long, tots... you will be missed -

but bacon? luckily, you got the green light

In addition to lots and lots of tots, there was Ken's Artisan Pizza (Bay Area peeps, think woodfire oven + Arizmendi) AND homemade woodfire oven pizza (not our woodfire oven, sadly but obviously), beer, egg tortillas, enchiladas and chips/salsa, and lord only knows what else.

There were also lots of vitamins and minerals: gluten and potato-free B complex (special order only), two times the fish oil, four times the vitamin D, cordyceps mushrooms for "frolicking" (doctor's words), thyroidinium 4CH drops for energy, and mineral replenishment via calc fluor cell salt "until it stops tasting good" (doctor's words).

this is just for the morning -
I'm gonna need one of those weekly pill boxes

After the blowout weekend, Monday morning I especially felt like crap.  A great way to start the experiment!  (I should probably note at this point that the doctor recommended this, in so many words - she is really wanting commitment and encouraged me to get it all out before starting the diet full force.)

I started Day 1 checking labels on everything and narrowing down my options.  Breakfast was a kale/spinach/peanut butter/West Soy soy milk smoothie (soooo good, trust me on this), lunch was plain black beans and rice, afternoon snack was Trader Joe's dried mango and dinner was a beet/tomato/goat cheese/walnut salad.  And wine.  Wine is OK, did I mention that?  THANK GOD, wine is OK.

as seen in Everyday Living, best $5 investment I've made all year

Monday night I made it through the Mountain Goats concert without yawning too much, and this morning I woke up without an ache in my gut for the first time in... I can't even remember.

Let me reiterate that last point.  I've read and heard stories about chronic pain, where people just live with it for years thinking this is how life will be, and one day they are relieved of said pain and it's like they've been given a whole new life.

I'm not saying I've begun a whole new life.  I'm just saying that this morning I woke up without an ache in my gut, and I can't remember the last time that happened, and I smiled. All day today I was very aware of having no pain.  It was interesting, and it made me happy and sad all at the same time.

Food today included an egg scramble of sorts this morning, yogurt/fruit/almonds for lunch, an apple for a snack (note to self: take a jar of peanut butter to work), homemade parsley hummus and veggies pre-run, and another beet salad type meal for dinner post-run.  And wine.  Of course. 

beet greens, stems, cumin/cinnamon walnuts, goat cheese... and wine - YAY wine

Something in the vitamin/mineral concoction made me a bit hyper-sensory today so I have a call in about that (I suspect it's just my brain adjusting), but gut-wise I still feel fine.  Totally fine.

Honestly, I don't think anyone I know, not even those closest to me, has any idea of the extent of my chronic discomfort over the years.  I'm excited to see what the next few weeks bring.  I hope for lots more energy - and lots of interesting new recipes!

Or three glasses. And a little help.

be crafty: part one
an old atlas, some photos
and a glass of wine

Summertime, when the 3Q goals are easy.

We're not quite at the end of 2Q but it's close enough.  To sum up the last 3 months:

• laugh more - check (helps when you live with someone who comes up with "a priest, a rabbi and a penguin walk into a bar - the bartender says, "what is this, a JOKE?"")
• cook more - check
• spend more time outside - check... enjoying the local scenery with lots of walks home from work, lots of running in the park and cemetery (is that rude? I can't decide, it's just so peaceful and pretty)
• anything on The List - not quite yet 

And a week early, I bring you the next 3 months:

• practice patience
• get healthy
• be crafty
• anything on The List

The first was developed after the aforementioned volunteer training.  I have a seriously low tolerance for people who monopolize conversations, think the rules everyone else follows do not apply to them, and have little or no respect for others.  Not only do I have a low tolerance, I have a non-existent poker face and no brain-mouth filter in these situations.  This is a problem in general.  I need to work on it.

The second is from a recent possible diagnosis of gluten, potato and combo-grain-and-dairy intolerance.  Did you know that potato is in everything?  EV. ERY. THING.  Including low-fat everything, which goes against the habits I've developed over the last ten years.  On the plus side, I now have a license to eat full-fat yogurt and drink whole milk; on the minus side, I need to build in an extra 20 minutes for each run.  I'm a bit sad about it but I'm trying to treat it as a fun experiment, at least for the next four weeks while I try it out and see if I feel better.  Worst case scenario?  I develop the most kick-ass recipe for gluten free soy cheese pizza this side of the Mississippi...!

The third is because every time I am crafty, I have a lot of fun. Period the end.

The unspoken goal is to blog more during my food intolerance experiment.  I've run across interesting and helpful blogs on food intolerance in other random searches, and I hope to be able to post some supportive experiences, interesting recipes and/or helpful information for the next diagnose-e. 

And here... we...  go!

Which leads me to 3Q goals.

class for volunteers
way too many know-it-alls
shut up already

spending two full days
with twenty chatty cathys
makes me crave silence

it's true what they say
patience is a virtue but
so is common sense

don't understand how
you have something in response
to everything said

A case of the Tuesdays.

waffling between
wanting recognition and
not giving a shit

not sure what is worse
working nine plus hours or
mandatory fun

At least I was productive.

oh, insomnia
how have i soooooo not missed you
let me count the ways

Picking up where I left off.

Hello, Spring! (Well, "Portland Spring," which of course means it snowhailrained on all the blooming daffodils and crocuses today.)

I have neglected these quarterly goals for a few months. A few months plus an entire quarter, in fact. There have been reasons, mostly good ones too, and I'm fine with my neglect. But it's time to get back on the horse. So to sum up the last (almost) six months:

• write something, anything, every single day - I am certain that I did this, although I cannot vouch for the quality of anything produced outside of work-related writing
  
• reduce my energy bill by $3 every month - November's was lower, I didn't pay attention to December's, and starting in January I cut my energy bill in half, so: check!
  
• re-establish my gym routine - since October I've been eating better, cooking more, and getting various types of exercise but I think I've realized that the gym is BORING and running is BORING so I'm investigating alternatives... all my clothes are still too big though
• anything on The List! - get published: check! New Zealand: check!
  

2Q2012 goals, coming to you a few weeks early, are notably less quantifiable but just as important as any other goals I've developed. Each one is inspired by special people in my life and I hope to be able to report back on success in three-point-five months.

• laugh more
  
• cook more
  
• spend more time outside
  
• anything on The List! I missed #11 again, darn it, but #12 and #30 are looking pretty good... and I finally fixed that pesky #16
  

And here... we... go!

Despite the 2.5 hours of work I put in tonight...

"you have a great life!"
(comment on recent pictures)
i have to agree

My favorite new set change pasttime.

(title: because i (sometimes have been known to) actually DANCE at shows)

portland hipster crowd
i have some important news
i'm cooler than you

(title: a gentle reminder)

present open fun
every single bloody day
lather rinse repeat

(title: thank you for the perspective, electro-pop drummer who screamed this before launching into an Animal-inspired drum intro to a song)

best quote heard this week
"life fucking RULES, am i right??!"
yes, you are so right

________________
The last is brought to you by the drummer from Sun Angles, who opened for Brainstorm last night. After a particularly awful day I begrudgingly dragged myself out just to see Brainstorm. Entry was $5, beer was less than that, I'd seen them before, I knew they were fun and I knew I needed that. I ended up in a wonderful mood.

Both bands are AH MAY ZING live but their recorded stuff is not nearly as interesting, so get out and see them if you can.

And yeah, this life thing? It FUCKING RULES. We are all very lucky, so be sure to live it.

Can I get the icon in cornflower blue?

never a good sign
monday pour on a thursday
tgtif

And crossword puzzles, and pizza, and whiskey...

best birthday ever
rain - wind - sun - hike - beach - sand - snow
thank you, universe

One step closer to Ludditeville, USA.

it's quite challenging
not letting technology
get the best of me

Odes to LA.

snowing this morning
got sunburned this afternoon
air travel is weird

i don't like the mall
but even worse than the mall
is the so cal mall

he won't stop talking
OMGSTFU
god i hate people

punk kids come inside
and pump hand sanitizer
i've seen everything

Friday five.

Lots of interesting "lasts" have happened - or are about to happen - this week. Here are five, in no particular order:

• Last time I will take a moon photo from my stoop.
• Last time I will hear my neighbor hack up a lung at 6am.
• Last time it will take five minutes to walk to Fred.
• Last time I will pay Comcast any more of my money for the foreseeable future.
• Last time with the crazies on the bus ride in, and last time for the free MAX ride home.

And many more to come. Change is good.

I'll take "option C" for 200, Alex.

a wise man once said

"hate the game, not the player"

… i don't like either

Friday five.

I attended my first Festivus party this year and listened to many of the guests air their grievances.  It was amusing and I meant to put together my own list at some point this month...  But truth be told, I don't have a lot of grievances right now, especially not with people I interact with regularly (which is what I think you're supposed to focus on). 

Far be it from me to shirk silly traditions, though.  Over the past week five things did occur to me, and so I bring you five grievances in no particular order:

• the fact that "bi-monthly" can mean "twice a month" OR "every other month"
• people who cancel meeting invitations after the meeting date/time has already occurred and they've already verbally cancelled the meeting
• email confirmations that confirm your request to unsubscribe from email notifications (followed closely by email unsubscribe requests that "may take up to 2 weeks to process" - really? it's THE INTERNET!)
  
• sub-par cookies in the break room
  
• the fine print that no one ever reads, that says you can't use both Groupon coupons for yourself if you purchase two at the same time

So yeah, that's pretty much it. 

Here's to a 2012 filled with exciting changes, adventures and good times - and an even shorter grievance list!  Cheers, friends.