OK, seriously?

You guys do this working thing EVERY weekday? How do you find time to do life stuff? Inquiring minds want to know.

Wednesday three, part two.

Three things that made my day yesterday, in no particular order:

- The news that Larry King is FINALLY retiring! Long overdue.
- An amazing shiatzu/acupuncture combo appointment. I was exhausted last night... but in a good way.
- Remembering to sit on the left side of the plane to Oaktown, and seeing every mountain in the greater WA/OR on a beautiful, clear evening.

Positivity oh-ten, transition June, rejoining the real world - whatever is inspiring this good feeling, I'm rolling with it.

Wednesday three.

Three songs that got me through a particularly rough June, in no particular order:

• We Sing In Time - The Lonely Forest
• As I Rise - The Decemberists
• Half a World Away - R.E.M.
  

(Inspired by Squeaks.)

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack.

This makes me sad. Forty-something housewives making themselves feel better with Twilight and living vicariously through television show characters (based off the concept of that same series) to cure their "busyness and boredom" (read = unhappiness) is a demonstration of the lack of reality, community and creativity in today's society.

Don't misunderstand. A), I read all four Twilight books and B) I have seen both movies in the theater (and I will see the other two in the theater too). But the books were read on a beach in Costa Rica and the last two sucked, and the movies were seen at $3 second run theaters with beer in hand and snarky hipsters behind me cracking jokes the whole time. (And let's be honest, no vampire series comes close to Buffy - it's infuriating that all these crap shows and series are getting attention when that show was brilliant.)

Not happy with your life? Don't distract yourself - FIX YOUR PROBLEM. I am all for television as entertainment, and there have been rainy Saturdays when I've holed up with Dexter Season Two or a LOST marathon, but a long time ago (thanks to the inception of TV-on-DVD and Netflix) I let go of trying to keep up with shows on a week-to-week basis. I put enough pressure on myself, that was taking it to the extreme. I know people who plan their lives around their television shows. That's not living.

I tried to give away my TV before I left. It's old, I can't hook it up to the internet to stream Hulu on a bigger screen, it's heavy, it's big... But there were no takers. I cannot imagine why.

Since I've been back I have used it here and there for Arrested Development reruns. That's it. I haven't missed cable and I haven't spent more than 2 hours in front of it at a time. I am sure I will sign up for Netflix again, someday. But for now I have all kinds of creative projects and great books to cure my "busyness and boredom" woes. And to paraphrase Grandpa from the Lost Boys, "if you read Facebook you don't need a TV."

And OMG don't EVEN get me started on Facebook...

Hiatus...

... filled in here.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Deja vu.

5/18/1994 (before the 12-countries-in-7-weeks whirlwind backpacking trip around Europe): "SHIT we're really leaving in 3 days. How did this happen? I've never been so ready and so unprepared at the same time for something."

This year I think my official freak out will occur on February 1, but I suspect my thoughts will be pretty similar. At least last time I knew exactly where I was living when I got back, whereas this time I have vague notions of Portland neighborhoods that might suit me... but change is good.

54 seconds!

Created by Oatmeal

A haiku for the bartender at Rock Bottom in DIA.

I'm not your "sweetie"
I just want a freakin' beer
God, I hate airports

Great Falls photo test.

IMMDs.

Customer at the post office: "How much will it cost to mail this letter overnight to New Jersey?"
Clerk: "Overnight is $15.95, it will get there by 3pm tomorrow."
Customer: "...Wha?? This letter? For $20 I can get on a bus and deliver it by midnight myself!"

Me: "Hi, I'd like to do an international wire transfer."
{Much ado about how they are not set up to do that, but in fact they are - I confirmed it three times with three different people before setting out as it would be a trek to this particular branch - training manual is extracted from the depths of the cabinet and dusted off - clerk #1 heaves a big sigh, saying "why me?!"}
Clerk #2: "They're sending spies in to test us, [Clerk #1]."

Laughter ensued with both exchanges. A nice change of pace from the grumpiness usually ensuing in such situations (especially such situations which occur at the post office). And even though I was at post office #2 dealing with clerk # 5 who was insisting they couldn't do this, and even though it turned out I had to go back again today and drag Clerk #1 away from her back-office break, and even though I'm still not convinced that the transaction went through... Both scenes yesterday kind of made my day.

Public service announcement.

When flying a kite, it's best to choose a day where the American flag over the bank building is whipping in the wind versus hovering slightly and then falling limply toward the pole.

Also, it's best to choose an area devoid of geese:


But Mr. Frog the Kite performed well under duress, and as a result I've checked that off the list, even though Saturday was just a trial run. I look forward to putting MFtK to work on the coast someday soon. FUNemployment should make that a possibility.

Goooooooooals.

OK, I'll be out of town for a bit so I hereby bring you the ceremonial summary of 4Q09 goals.

• three Fugitives & Refugees things/month... well, turns out that when you write a book that becomes famous, tourists overrun the weird stuff and the owners close up shop or deny the public access to their weird stuff. But Portland is weird with or without famous author assistance, which basically means that I saw a lot of weird stuff over the past three months but there wasn't a lot from the book involved. So... 3x3=9, right?

look at how PC our graffiti artists are! I mean, it really warms the heart!

there seems to be a trend of turning free newspaper
stands into bizarre, colorful works of art

this was the extent of the "dear will" letter

they let us eat here

I think this has to do with kidical mass
~ Critical Mass for kids

the kitschiest shop - well, the only kitschy shop -
in the Pearl... I have spent hours in this store

someone decided that Die Hard needed to become an art project
and actually rented space for this tribute to John McClane

erm... nothing at all weird about Captain Bogg and Salty!
best kiddie pirate band in the western hemisphere!

Santa Douche at Anticon

• run 13 miles by 12/31... well, turns out that when you get the flu the weekend before your grand finale, you don't run 13 miles by 12/31. But I got to 12, which means I can get to 13, which I will do as soon as the flu and sinus infection symptoms decide to make their merry way elsewhere and I can get back to training. New 1Q10 goal is "by 2/17" and if it doesn't happen by then, it ain't happening... and it's all good.
  
• figure out "the plan"... well, turns out when you reduce your schedule to 3 days a week you can get a lot more done. Why did no one mention this before? I have everything from actual plans to thoughtful ideas to vague notions, all of which will culminate into a really great 3.5 months overseas. And I have a lot of shit to do by 2/17. New 1Q10 goal is "by 2/17... get all this shit done."
  

Next up, the year we don't know how to refer to ("oh-ten?" "ten?" "one-zero?"). Also known as, the most amazing year I have yet to witness. No goals till June at the earliest! I'm off to do some L-I-V-I-N.

Happy new year!

A look inside my flu-recovering multi-everything-ing brain.

Must look up storage... Cool, hockey is on!... I want pizza... Really need to figure out how to get from Buenos Aires to Quito... Wow, Red Wings haven't scored... $800 for a flight - are you kidding me?!?!... Hmm, $1 for the first month and a discount on 3 months or more? Sold... Oh, that looks like a good pizza dough recipe... Best season to visit = Jan-May, man how could I NOT go to the Galapagos?... Dammit, forgot to return those library books I never read... "Hi, other travel clinic, can you send my itemized list from February so that I can submit a claim? Ktxsbai!"... Ooooh jump drive chock full o'music from Mark - must download and absorb immediately! Well, download now, absorb soon... Wow, still no score, really?... {Sidestep to write thank you's for Christmas presents.}... Maybe Antarctica travel lady can help with flights to Quito... Still don't know Spanish, hope that surfing/Spanish immersion program is all it's cracked up to be... Caps v Flyers on 1/17 - I am SO there... I can fit all this crap into a 10'x10' box, right?... You're the RED WINGS, just score already! Jeez... Hmm, where the hell is my passport?... Add to "to do ASAP in 2010" list - pay taxes, cancel cable, send intent to vacate letter to landlord... Overtime, wow... Next apartment will be on floor 2 or higher, have decent heat and full bath... COLUMBUS WINS IN OT!... When did Ohio get a hockey team?

The end.

Early Wednesday three.

I'm a mile away from 4Q goal #2 as of this evening, so I thought I would take this opportunity to explain why I brought this upon myself again this year. Last year it seemed like a good idea until Her Majesty got sick, and the country and candidates leading up to the election got all hateful, and I realized that I would never like my job at the time (which is my job still, but which is soon to be not my job anymore). I got to 8 miles and pretty much threw in the towel.

This year I gave it another try because I'm in a much better state of mind. And I think it might actually work, because:

• I haven't done much long-distance hiking since August, so I should probably make sure my legs and knees can handle lots of strain since I'm not sure where or for how long I will be walking as of March 14.
  
• I'm back in "jeez my clothes are huge I really need to gain some weight" mode (for reasons unbeknown to me but for which I've confirmed there is no medical rationale), and keeping up the running for a bit longer will ensure that when I gain 15 pounds on the 3-week cruise, my slightly-larger-than-needed travel clothes will fit perfectly rather than hanging off me like they do now.
• Spaghetti, sushi, peanut butter and bagels. And? As if that weren't enough, OMG there is nothing better than finishing 12 miles at 9:30pm and replenishing your sodium levels with a TJ's cornmeal crust Greek pizza at 11:22pm, totally guilt-free. I mean, really. NOTHING.
  

Heading south for the winter.

Last weekend I headed out to see what Klamath Falls, Crater Lake and some other nearby old towns were all about. Turns out, not much.

Crater Lake is pretty, for sure:


And they have a nice gift shop, and they keep the road plowed to the rim in the winter, and the post office at the visitor center closes at 2pm. That's about all I can say about Crater Lake. Other than, I hear it's lovely in the summer.

Earlier that weekend I headed a bit farther south on my way to Lava Beds National Monument and ran across this sign:

... and I got a little nostalgic. I then bought a couple of postcards and got charged sales tax, and the nostalgia went away. (I suppose if I'd pumped my own gas I could've brought it back?)

I did have a lot of fun in the caves though. There are about two dozen that they just let you wander through with a flashlight. The other caves I've visited (Sacramento, South Dakota, Colorado) required guided tours, but for this one I showed up, alone, around noon, and asked the gal at the front desk what she recommended, and she sent me off with two flashlights ("just in case") and a map with some stuff circled. Because it's winter there, the park was empty... and as a result the whole experience was pretty amazing.

Most of the caves are upright-walkable. Some you have to crouch in places, and a few require crawling. I didn't do the crawling ones out of respect for my knees (and my closet claustrophobia), but I definitely got deep underground in a few.

(Golden Dome)

In one of the earlier caves I was about 200 feet in, and I turned off the flashlight and stood in the dark listening to the silence. The wind was loud and gusting outside, and as a result the temperature was close to 25 degrees and close enough to freezing to my non-acclimated body. Inside the cave it was a balmy 55, slightly humid and... absolutely silent.

It was amazing.

And then I was reminded of recent mountain lion attacks in the area and I freaked out a little. "Surely they wouldn't just let people wander around solo if mountain lions were in the area. Surely. Right? I mean, this is a national effing monument after all, they can't afford bad publicity." And all was right again.

And then 25 years of pop culture kicked in. I saw a flash of the Indiana Jones scene where the water comes gushing through the tunnel, and I freaked out a little more and turned the flashlight back on. And then I saw flashes from The Lost Boys and I jerked the flashlight up to make sure no vamps or bats were lounging over my head. And then I remembered the cave scenes from The Goonies, which I'd watched on fuzzy cable the night before at the cheap motel, which is soooo not a scary movie but some of those scenes!... And then another two dozen scenes from Buffy ran through my head, and then...

And then I laughed at myself, appreciated the adrenaline rush, and moved on to the next cave. And? That night on fuzzy cable? The Lost Boys! I have seen it half a million times and could recite the lines in my sleep, but there was something serendipitous about the timing which resulted in my eyes being glued to the set the whole time despite having the next day to plan and Christmas cards to glue and emails to write. (Thank you, Joel Schumacher and the Coreys. Sparkling vamps my ass.)

These weekend trips have been experiments. I'm testing my tolerance after this recent revelation... So Eastern Oregon I planned pretty well. Southern Oregon, I knew where I was staying (and generally speaking, what was in the area), and I took some guide books, and that was the extent of the plan. Crater Lake was planned. The Lava Bed caves were not, I ran across them in the book the night before and they ended up being my favorite part of the trip.

The whole reason for the Southern Oregon adventure had to do with something I read in a guide book about 500 bald eagles nesting there in the winter. I'm not a big bird fan... Well, I'm a Big Bird fan but I'm generally not into birds. The bird refuges just across the border in CA did not excite me but they did interest me and I approached them as an opportunity to relax and to test my camera's sports/action mode. I ended up marveling at dozens of species of those amazing creatures - watching raptors float mid-air on their way to doing nothing, being guided through the auto tour by the same gorgeoous golden eagle, reminding myself to just sit back and observe and not worry about the perfect picture. That day I encountered three of the nine bald eagles recently seen in the area. Two are here:

Grungy and scrappy and scavengery and therefore worthy of being our nation's emblem? Sure. Creepily watching me as I ate my sandwich while taking tons of photos of them? Definitely.

So overall, I think the plan is working well. In a few weeks I'm heading down the 101 to Coastal Oregon. Other than having a few places of interest I'd like to check out, I'm going to wing it. And it's going to be amazing. This is the start of a whole new perspective, and I'm loving every minute of it. (I know, I know - I don't know who she is or what she did with Jen(n) - but I'm also not complaining...)

Friday five.

It's that time, well it was that time yesterday, so today's Friday five is about things I am particularly thankful for right now:

• my family, whose health has had many ups and downs over the years but who have been holding steady at "relatively healthy" lately
  
• my car, which doesn't complain too much about going 1000 miles in 4 days twice in a month when it's usual average is 10 miles/week
  
• my knees, which allowed me to run 9 miles Wednesday night also without much complaint (4 to go!)
• my town, which has been very good to me over the last year and a half
• my friends, who are mostly older and always wiser, who put up with me, make me laugh out loud (a lot), and challenge me to be a better person inside and out

And here's the cheese... it's not even good stinky runny cheese, it's the kind that's shaped into a ball and rolled in almonds that's on sale around the holidays, but it kind of spoke to me last weekend:


Like the spirit of Christmas, keep yesterday with you all through the year. Gratitude is a very powerful (and empowering) thing. Happy holidays!

My very own IMMD.

I've been following this site pretty religiously lately, as a way to find humor in life's little whatevers and whathaveyous. Most of them induce a smile or an "awwww!" and make me want to ignore reality in favor of those brief seconds where it all makes sense.

Today I had the opportunity to play the Buffy video game. I should note that I haven't played a video game (other than Super Mario Brothers for about 5 minutes recently and Zaxxon using my keyboard's arrow keys several years ago) in approximately 20 years, and I'd certainly never played with such a complicated controller. Once I got the hang of it, though, it was a lot of fun. The cast commentary was about half-authentic and certainly less than stellar (Willow is not dumb goddammit! and where the hell is Giles?) but after a while I was staking vamps like nobody's business.

And then my friend and I checked out the multi-player options, and there was one where we eventually realized we could just beat the crap out of each other (as Spike vs Buffy)... and while I abhor violence on general principal and would never wish physical harm on this person... it totally MMD.

"So look, I don't hate children. I don't know how that rumor started."

I stole that from a David Cross bit, where he goes on to describe his friends who've had children and how their most interesting stories revolve around their children staring at grapes.

I actually love the offspring of my friends. They are adorable and charming, and they do far more interesting things than stare at grapes. Like make pirate faces on command, or sit contently in my arms for many minutes at a time, or finally giggle at me after many encounters of shyness over almost two years.

The children I do not enjoy are the ones who throw temper tantrums at airports.

Grocery stores and toy stores I totally get and support, at least to some degree. But airports? Really? I get airplanes - the ear pressure and turbulence and bumpy landings and scary mean flight attendants and no food and all - and I have no beefs whatsoever about kids screaming their lungs out on airplanes - but airports?

I had one of those last night out of Oakland. Someone's 3(ish)-year-old ran around the terminal for 20 minutes pre-boarding screaming "BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET ON THE AIRPLANE!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of her lungs. Yeah, we don't want you to either, kid, I kept thinking. The older gentleman in line next to me saw my scrunched up face and said, "oh, but they're not always like that," to which I instinctively replied, "maybe so, but I still don't want any," to which he replied, "oh, but it's so rewarding, I have 4 grandchildren, wouldn't trade them for the world, [blah blah blah]," at which point I felt bad for being a grouch...

And then 30 seconds later I heard a couple my age a few feet ahead of me (who could not have possibly heard my conversation with Grandpa over the 3-yr-old tantrum) say "wow I am so glad we agreed not to have kids." And then I didn't feel so bad.

However! A brand-new online community that I am happy to promote has made me see the light. Temper tantrum advice here. Some of this is funny, some is sarcastic, some is spot on. And there is much more life enriching advice throughout the site. Including consumer electric advice! Now how much would you pay?

I've been a Dooce fan ever since I learned you could get fired from writing about your job on the Internet (she did - I aspire not to, though I'm sure I'm capable of doing so if my intentions were good). Her daily creativity, whether it be humor or photography or design or people-interactions, inspires me. She and her husband approach parenthood, and life, and married life with the same gusto-coupled-with-world-weariness that I expect I would in that situation. (And she mocks Mormonism. I mean, come on. You've gotta love her just for that.)

So, please click away and enjoy, and rack up the ads for her... Because I haven't bought any of her books yet and I feel a little guilty about that. Dooce and I thank you in advance.

Progress.

I had a long talk with someone today about these quarterly goals and whether they are helpful or harmful. In the end I decided they were helpful, except for last year around this time when I had the exact same running goal and ended up not meeting it due to a dying cat and hating work and general world-weariness that did not put me in a good space to be running 13 miles, yet I got as far as 8 at one time, yet I beat myself up about not making that goal. This year, though? ALL OVER IT. Six miles down as of Monday, seven additional to go. In eight weeks. Eh, whatever, it's been done... and if it's not done again, this year I'm simply not going to care. (But it will be done. Mark my words.)

In other goal-related news... October's Fugitives & Refugees attempt was a bit of a bust. The Wilhelm's Portland Memorial, which would've been a great Octoberish activity, is now closed to the public except during specific, sporadic tour hours. (This is most likely due to the book. Thank you, Chuck.) Mount Gleall Castle, Portland's equivalent of the Winchester Mystery House and also good around Halloween time, isn't accessible to the public, it turns out. And I'd really intended to go to Powell's rare book room, where the ghost of the founder allegedly hangs out on Tuesday evenings, but there was yoga to be done. Much more important for my psyche this quarter.

But! The Sauvie Island corn maize was taken a step further - I went to the haunted version and it was ridiculously awesome. (Next year I am working there. How fun would it be to walk 4" behind people dressed as a zombie? Hell, I'd volunteer my time for that.) And I went to the Roloff farm, not featured in Chuck's book for many reasons, the main one being that it wasn't around when he wrote it. But this?

Spooooooky!

Besides. Not that I'm competitive or hold myself to stupidly high standards or anything (ahem) but I've done plenty in the book already. Wild Abandon, Fuller's? Check. (Yum and meh, respectively.) Hippo Hardware? I love their hippos. The underground tour? Yup. The "getting off" chapter? Ummmmmm... no thank you. When the vegan strip club closed before I even moved here, the sordid life left nothing of interest to me.

Anyway, never fear. October may have been only moderately successful, but there is plenty of F&R in store for November and December. I may not even have to plan November's, if all goes well. Have I mentioned lately that I love this town?

And as far as The Plan, well, it's coming along. More to figure out this weekend, and more conversational Spanish to learn. Stay tuned.

Thought o' the day.

There are worse things than bonding with your older male boss over the virtues of the Twilight series.

 

(There, are... right?)