Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day.

As part of Mandatory Fun Day tomorrow, we have to tell two truths and a lie. My competitive side is trying to think up outlandish truths and lies I could tell about myself. So far on both ends, I've got:

• My dream pet is a six foot albino Burmese python.
  
• I've been to six of the seven continents.
• I can break into almost any car made before the year 1997.
  
• I've never been to Big Sur.
• I once wore a pink bunny suit, stood in front of a grocery store and sold candy for charity.
• I love rocky road ice cream.
• I've seen Hair at least 25 times.
  

BOR-RING.

Maybe I should mention that time I spent as a chicken sexer in college, or my eBay collection of potato chips that look like Jesus?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I swear the pattern was called "Spooked," not "Home Alone"... The Mac Culkin reference didn't even occur to me until someone mentioned it. But you should see the pumpkin hand cutouts I got from this. I've got to figure out something creepy to do with them at the office... Suggestions welcome.

File under: not something you think about on a normal day.

I have to admit... Until tonight, I never wondered whether Robert Smith and Johnny Cash only wore black underwear.

Friday five.

Five reasons I hate California drivers (myself excluded), in no particular order:

• If you're in the left lane on a three lane road, and you suddenly realize you need to make a right turn, instead of going to the next intersection to turn around, you cut across three lanes of traffic and screech to a turn.
  
• You don't use your freakin' turn signal. NO ONE USES THEIR TURN SIGNALS. (Except me. AHEM.)
• You don't care about pedestrians unless you are one at the moment.
• You think it's okay to block the intersection even though the road clearly states: KEEP CLEAR.
• You don't understand the zipper concept of merging lanes. Come on, people, the car in front of me goes, then I go, then you behind me go. It's not rocket science.

This lame post brought to you by CALIFORNIA DRIVERS.

All's quiet.

I haven't been posting as much lately, and I don't expect to be posting more than 2-3 times/week in the coming weeks. There's just too much going on, most of which I can't talk about here. Or that I'm choosing not to talk about. It's been an interesting and extremely challenging month, both personally and professionally. Generally speaking, part of me is in it for the long haul, and the other part is ready to run screaming to Toronto or some other far away place for six months or the rest of my life.

However! This does not mean that I'm not signing up for NaNoReMo (I have read one chapter of, and I intend to finish in November, The Brothers K, which I bought because of the great job the author did on The River Why but which I have sat on for about 3 years)... And I will update you all accordingly. My goal is to take at least 3 lunch hours per week in the alcove where I can eat and read in peace.

My ultimate goal, actually, is to get through that book so that I can start on Chronicles, which I've been sitting on since Christmas 2005. Pathetic.

More proof that Joss Whedon is my master now.

Years ago, I was at craft night with some friends. It was Tuesday night so Buffy was on in the background, and it was The Wish episode. Two of my friends loved Buffy (along with myself), but the third friend thought we were nuts for being crazy about a show involving an ass-kicking vampire slayer and her band of merry misfits. The third friend shook her head through the whole episode.

Today I got an email from the third friend entitled: "could Buffy the Vampire be based on reality?" with a link to this study.

Well, first of all, OF COURSE it's based on reality. Vampires, witches, demons, and magic all exist in our universe - maybe not in the traditional sense of the words, but who among us hasn't faced someone who sucked the life out of them, cursed or haunted them in some way? Who hasn't made a wish, crossed their fingers or threw salt over their shoulder, and had the wish come true?

And secondly, what a trippy study. It's like "choose your own adventure" stories just came to life. I like to think about my parallel universe doppleganger who is thrilled with her job and totally content with life. I just wish I could visit her from time to time for some advice!

________________
I do have to admit that while I don't think there are vampires in Santa Cruz who look like Keifer Sutherland or James Marsters (or "dampires" in Sunnyvale, either, though the concept amuses me greatly), I don't completely dismiss the occult. I think there's a lot that I don't understand about it, and I think that as with most things there are some extremists, but I do think there is some merit to certain aspects of it. And the respect for Mother Nature most certainly appeals to me.

Oh and also, the Parkway isn't going to be able to show old episodes of Buffy or Firefly for much longer, so boycott those money-grubbing fun-stealing bastards at FOX however you see fit. They aren't currently syndicating either show so I'm not sure what they're complaining about, exactly.

And I don't mean a roller coaster ride at Six Flags.

So I did see the movie today. I thought it was somewhat sloppy in its direction and the narration got on my nerves (sorry, Sean, please don't punch me in the nose)... But Emile Hirsch was fantastic, and Ed's songs were very heartfelt.

Today more than ever, I'm yearning for a great adventure. The past month has left at least four friends/sets of friends either with a significant life experience under their boots, or one that's coming soon to a hospital delivery room. I'm jealous. Other than vague conversations about worldly travels, I have no concrete milestones, no forward planning to be excited about.

And yeah, the movie ended in tragedy but man, the LIFE that guy experienced in his travels is just inspiring. How empowering it must have felt to survive with almost nothing in our capitalist society, and still be truly content with life. I admit that all along, in the book and the movie, he irritated the crap out of me because he chose to leave white upper class suburbia and live penniless while so many in this world are not born into those circumstances and do not have such a choice. But, he also gave $24,000 to Oxfam and was truly grateful for the support he got along the way, so there was definitely an attitude of selflessness somewhere in there.

I'm not sure I am up for an illegal kayak trip down the Colorado River, or 100 days in Alaska shooting squirrels for dinner, but I am convinced that I was not meant to work at a desk. I was not meant to stay put. When all is said and done, I'm selfish and there is just too much to see and hear and smell and do in the world. I've moved approximately 10 blocks in the past 10 years and the lack of motion is getting to me. I want to experience all that the world has to offer, and I don't want to experience it through a Food Network road trip show or a Barbara Kingsolver book.

But for now, tomorrow I go to my desk job and prepare for my big important meeting and... lather, rinse, repeat... Until one day when I really throw in the towel, cash out my savings and head north, or maybe east, or south. The possibilities are endless... and life is too damn short.

This post brought to you by an upwardly mobile Anglo woman who has such choices. Don't think the irony isn't lost on me.

The Most Important Gift Catalog in the World.

You know, I get a lot of strange magazines and catalogs in my mailbox these days, but I think this one takes the cake.

It's not that I don't support the cause they organize around. In fact, Susan Sarandon supports them, so by default should I. But seriously... why can't they call themselves "an adolescent female of courting age doted with a well proportioned figure" instead of their actual name? Sorry Susan, Ed Asner, Patricia Heaton, Ted Danson, Walter Cronkite, and Malcolm In The Middle's mom - I just can't bring myself to be a "Heifer supporter."

"I guess there's gotta be a break in the monotony..."

"... but Jesus, when it rains, how it pours."

My internal mantra this week has been, "I soooo did not sign up for this." But that's not 100% accurate. I honestly didn't have the slightest idea what I was signing up for when I signed up for it.

Now that I know, I'm coming to terms with a lot of my own insecurities and inadequacies, but I'm also seeing a new side of myself - a side that is confident, humble, tenacious and surprisingly matter-of-fact.

Boy, will I be glad when this baby shower is done with.

(Kidding! This post is about my job. The baby shower is the most welcome break I could possibly have, especially now that super-secret project PCT scrapbook is done. Tonight I'm making party favors instead of working. That's a truly beautiful thing. Attention, dear readers: have more babies and go on more 2600 mile treks so that I can be pleasantly distracted in the future.)

Date searched, initials of search party, # of bodies found, # of animals found.

More to come on my recent visit to New Orleans, but I can't get this part out of my head no matter how hard I try... Maybe that's a good thing.

Belated Friday five.

I'm not sure why I'd never thought of getting a DVD player for long plane rides before this summer, other than the fact that usually the only people who have DVD players instead of laptops to watch movies on planes are 5-year olds watching Dora the Explorer. But earlier this year I learned that a decent DVD player with a 3-hour battery is fairly inexpensive, and a 2.5-hour backup battery is reasonable as well. Much cheaper than a laptop, anyway.

And OH MY GOD did this sucker save my life on the 10-hour 3-flight journey to Puerto Rico in July, so I took it along on my flight to New Orleans so that I could catch up on Netflix. The sound quality of my cheap DVD player is fine, but the earplug quality is not, so the two movies I watched on the flights were foreign with subtitles. It worked out great. (Mind you, I've been on an Oscar nominated foreign film kick lately.)

And with that I bring you five entertainment items that got me through Oakland-New Orleans-Oakland round trip, including avoiding crappy hotel TV Wednesday and Thursday nights, in the approximate order consumed:

• Into the Wild. I ran across this at the airport Tuesday morning, purchased it on a whim, read most of it in about two hours and finished it on the New Orleans-Houston leg this morning. It was especially timely because of my friend who just hiked the PCT, but overall it was really well written, engaging and heartbreaking and I want to read all of his other books immediately. I hope to catch a matinée of the movie next weekend to see how they've destroyed the book. (Just kidding. Sorta. At least Ed Vedder did all the music for the movie.)
  
• After the Wedding. Holy cow. What a fantabulous movie. I don't use that word often, usually only when I'm singing along to Moondance, actually... But the plot was engaging in its innocent but manipulative way, and each and every one of the actors were phenomenal. More Danish movies, please!
  
• The Number 23. Interesting enough while you were watching it, I didn't see the end coming, but otherwise fairly forgettable.
  
• The Lives of Others. Again, holy cow. It's quite a sleeper but it's no wonder that it won an Oscar. The extras are also worth watching, even if you're not stuck on a plane trying to kill yet another hour - they talk about the great attention the writers and directors paid to ensure authenticity. I always appreciate extra effort to detail and this movie is not at all lacking in that arena.
  
• Sky Mall. I've sung its praises before, and I'll do it again. Really, now, who amongst us hasn't yearned for a radio rodent or adult footie pajamas or a wireless backup camera? The list goes on and on.
  

New Orleans photos and food reviews coming soon. Well, soonish.

A rare but important product endorsement.

It's not often that I recommend a product on this blog. It's also not often that I buy anything from Sur La Table. It's certainly not often that I publicly admit a flaw in my living situation.

But a few weeks ago I was on Fourth Street, mainly to visit my reptile friends at the East Bay Vivarium. I'd had too much coffee and needed a bathroom, and Sur La Table is usually the cleanest one to be found. So I pretended to shop for a few minutes, then hit the loo, and then pretended to shop for a few more minutes, and I ran across this.

It was less than $5. After countless smelly Stick Ups and spraying smelly Lysol under my kitchen sink where I keep the trash bin, I was out of ideas to remove the odor. (Yeah, I have a smelly kitchen sink underbelly - I said it.) So I figured hey, it's less than $5, it's worth a shot.

One day later and the odor was noticeably gone. Three weeks later, it's still gone. So if you've got a smelly place in your abode, I recommend picking on of these guys up. They even have loops so you can hang them in your fridge without taking up too much space.

Who knew, all I needed was a little charcoal. Science is cool.

In the words of Homer J. Simpson, "It's too bright!"

I mean that figuratively, for the most part.

Not to harp on this, but I walked there tonight in search of some fairly basic items. There was no pre-shredded mozzarella cheese,* there were no yellow bananas, there were no olives stuffed with blue cheese.

Too bad I wasn't in search of a high-end sandwich named after an area of Oakland famous for its taco trucks - if that had been the case I would've made out like a bandit. Guess I'll be sticking with good old reliable Piedmont Grocery from now on.

But back to the "bright," they really must do something about the blinding sun that streams through the windows in the evening. It's such an annoying customer experience...

Unless they did it on purpose so that you couldn't see how much your items were costing on the cashier screens. "WHAT?! Ninety-five dollars? But I only bought four items!" Say what you like about their prices compared to Andronico's - it's still Whole Paycheck to me.

________________
* Apparently pre-shredded mozzarella cheese is a sin in an artisan cheese shop such as theirs. Before the cheeseheads start calling me Rachel Ray, I should clarify. I don't end up with as much cheese when I buy the pre-shredded packages, which is the end result I was looking for tonight since I'm going out of town in a few days and just wanted enough for tonight.

One day I will have things other than TV to bitch about.

But in the meantime, I really don't know how I feel about Jim and Pam dating. I mean, the Angela/Dwight thing is awkward and amusing. The Michael/Jan thing is like watching a train wreck (therefore, slightly entertaining but mostly nauseating). The Kelly/Ryan thing is why I will never date a coworker ever again.

But all that is good entertainment. Jim and Pam were always all about innocence and hope and optimism, and now they're together and the only possible thing in their future is doom and gloom. Sure, it will be fun for a few weeks or months, but eventually? Doom and gloom.

Also, I am very disappointed with the Top Chef choice. Padma and Tom should be ashamed of themselves. So should CJ and Casey and Tre and Sara.

And why is Comcast moving the TV Guide Channel to hi-def? Is that really necessary? Has Comcast ever actually WATCHED the TV Guide Channel? Are we really moving to a phase where TVs will all require hi-def settings for any cable channels? If so, I'll need to start saving for a replacement for my 1998 19" beauty.

Hmm... I smell plasma!